Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

“Do You Give the Silent Treatment?”

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     Have you ever been so mad with your spouse or someone else that you walked away from a conversation and then decided to stop talking to them?  You are so angry or so displeased with something that was said or done  that you don’t want to speak any more.  This is called the “Silent Treatment.”   It is defined as shutting down, not speaking, closing your heart and refusing to interact with someone.  It also means that you ignore someone’s presence.  You act just as if they are invisible. I know it sounds crazy but so many of us are guilty as charged.  The “Silent Treatment” is known as one of the hardest punishments there are other than physical abuse.  

     Well I am sorry to say that I have experienced this treatment both ways.  I have been on the giving end and on the receiving end. I remember when it  first happened in my marriage and God had to check me on this issue.  I was challenged to read I Corinthians 13 every day until I understood that I could be angry but I had to learn how to still show love.  Going for days and weeks without speaking is a trick of the enemy and it displeases God.   Although I know this,   I must admit that I have still been tempted to use the “Silent Treatment.”  However, after completing the 30 day tongue fast (Tongue Fast Book by Debra Peques), I see things differently.  I no longer want to use this type of treatment because it causes more harm than good.  

     After studying the effects of the The “Silent Treatment, ”  I learned that it is a form of emotional abuse.  It is destructive to the relationship whether you do it temporarily or permanently.  This is normally done to send a message that what the person did displeased you.  However, the “Silent Treatment” is a form of punishment that attempts to control your spouse or others into doing what you want them to do.   Some even use this treatment on their kids.  Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at rather than given the “Silent Treatment.”  

     In conclusion, I want to encourage you to communicate your feelings instead of using the “Silent Treatment.”  We can not expect for our spouse or anyone else to automatically know what we are thinking or feeling.  When we are offended by something God wants us to go to that person and talk to them privately. (Matthew 18:15)  If you don’t talk, your offender may never know that they have offended you and they may do it again.  Communication is the key just remember to stop, think and pray before you speak!  

Until Next Week . . .

Carolyn 

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One thought on ““Do You Give the Silent Treatment?”

  1. Alicia LaShawn Brown-Ford on said:

    Carolyn,
    I needed this. I did this last week to my husband!!! I also do it with my youngest child. I try not to fuss a lot so I will just be quiet and say nothing. My oldest daughter told me the exact same thing you posted, “to talk to my husband and daughter privately”. I never imagined that the silent treatment was the hardest punishment there is other than physical abuse. (WOW) I have prayed and asked God how to deal with being hurt and he showed me by way of your FB post. Thanks Lady, your friend from Central Shawn Brown-Ford!!!

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