Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

“Speaking Beneficially”


     Last night, I was having a conversation with a friend  who was asked a question about another friend, but she didn’t want to answer.  She didn’t want to answer, because her response would have caused the hearer to think negatively about her friend. I was so blessed by the fact that she was careful not to say anything that would cause one friend to look down on another. Often times we speak and share information that is not beneficial to the hearer.  This week I would like to focus on what we are saying to our spouse, children, potential spouse, family and friends.  The question that you should ask before speaking is; “Is It beneficial?” If not, stop yourself before it comes out.

     This is a very important topic, because marriages and relationships are dieing as a result of pollution from the tongue.  If we constantly speak words that are foul, unwholesome, negative or just don’t have anything good to say to those who are around us, we will cause people to not want to be around us.  Imagine if this person is your spouse or your child.  Saying things to someone or about someone that are not beneficial is dangerous. It’s also dangerous when we say these things to ourselves.   Our words can tear down the hearer, cause them to think negatively or badly about someone.

       So what does it mean to speak beneficially? I am so glad that you asked. (smile) Speaking beneficially means saying something that is advantageous or good to someone or about someone.  As a child, I remember being told, “If you can’t say something good, then don’t say anything at all.”  We should think about this, and be intentional about speaking beneficially to our spouse, children, potential spouse, family and friends.

     Today, my Amplified Bible opened to Ephesians 4:29, when I read this verse, it was a confirmation that God wants us to speak beneficially.  It says, “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.”  Read this verse at least 3 times so that you can get it in your spirit.  Pray and ask God to help you to apply it.  My prayer is that God would forgive me for the times that I have not spoken beneficially.

Until next week  . . .



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3 thoughts on ““Speaking Beneficially”

  1. Bonita S on said:

    I trust GOD to hold my tongue when there is no benefit to put it in the atmosphere. I depend on GOD to move on my behalf when there is a dispute or minor issue. I really trust GOD to fight my battles and I try to limit them when possible. GOD always reveals my point!!

  2. DeGrasse Enjoli on said:

    Hey Carolyn,

    Thanks for keeping up with the blog. I really have a stronghold in this area. I know it is hindering me in my marriage. I feel sort of trapped by this stronghold and I say trapped because I somehow have it twisted in my mind that if I don’t voice my opinion and am being fake and if I am pretending to be interested in something my husband is talking about that I am being fake. I could care less about electronics or going to best buy but my husband loves it. I have tried to go with the flow but it feels like torture to me. I have not been willing to change this part of my life even though I know it will benefit my marriage because I feel like my husband should just stop annoying me… this is so crazy..the “battlefield in my mind” is really a war…. The tools to help me win the war are in front of me but I refuse to grab them…WHY… I guess because I have not gotten over my selfish spirit… OMG…AHHH…ok …had to vent.


  3. K. Perry on said:

    Thank you for the gentle reminder of asking yourself the question is beneficial , if not than it should not be said. I truly appreciated your words of wisdom.

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