Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

How Should You Love Your Spouse?

love

     You should love your spouse exactly the way that he/she wants to be loved.  One of the things that will create an unhappy spouse, is when they do not feel loved. Each of us want to be loved, but we all have a different way that we desire love.  The problem that often arises in a marriage is that, a husband and a wife desire love in two different ways. However, we tend to give love the way that we want to receive it, instead of the way that our spouse wants it. The key to loving your spouse, is to find out how your spouse desires to be loved; and give it to them.

Some years ago, I read the book titled, “The Five Love Languages.”  I highly recommend it to everyone in marriage or planning to get married.  This book explains that there are five basic ways to speak love. All five of the languages should be a part of a healthy relationship.  However, each person has a primary way that they desire to be loved. Out of the five love languages, everyone needs to know what makes them feel loved; and what makes their spouse feel loved.  If you don’t know, ask your spouse what makes you feel loved the most?  Once you find out, it’s your responsibility to speak your spouse’s love language as often as you can.  What is your love language?  The five love languages include:

1) Physical touch – A person feels loved when they are touched.  This includes, hugs, holding hands, rubs and the ultimate level of intimacy.

2) Words of Affirmation – A person feels loved when they are affirmed by words.  They love to hear that they are doing a a great job, compliments or words that build up.

3) Acts of Service – A person who feels loved when you help with cleaning, work, taking care of the children, or any type of service.

4) Quality time – A person who feels loved when you give them your time.  They love one on one time without any distractions.  They love to have your undivided attention.

5) Gifts – A person who feels loved when they receive gifts.  It can be small gifts, large gifts, expensive gifts or inexpensive gifts.  They love to receive gifts.

Many of us know our spouse’s love language, but we rarely speak it.  Sometimes it’s a challenge because their love language may take you out of your comfort zone.  I often feel that way when I speaking my husband’s love language. However, I want to make sure that I am speaking love in a way that satisfies his love need.    As a husband or a wife, your number one goal should be to please your spouse (I Corinthians 7:33-34).

Don’t withhold or deprive your spouse of a need that was designed to only be met by you (I Corinthians 7:5).  One thing that can hurt a spouse is when they see their husband/wife giving love to the children and everyone but them.  When a husband or wife does not speak their spouse’s love language, they put their spouse in a vulnerable place.  Remember the vows and the covenant that you made to love your spouse.   Keep your spouse happy by loving, the way that they desire to be loved.

Until next week .  . .

Carolyn

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