Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

How was she/he when you met?

“I didn’t know it would be like this!  I thought he or she would change.  I saw him or her doing this while we were dating, but I thought he/she would stop.”  Staying the same can be one of the biggest let downs or the biggest blessings for newlywed couples.  If a person treats you nicely while dating and you like what you see,  you want them to continue being that way after marriage.  The worst thing would be to find out that they were a fake and changed after marriage.  However, when a person shows you exactly who they are while you are dating and you decide to marry them, you have got to believe that he/she will be the same person.  When I hear newlyweds sharing about all of the things that they don’t like, I have to ask,  “How was she/he when you met them?”

If you date a person who smokes, drinks, gambles, hangs out at the clubs, has problems maintaining a job and doesn’t attend church, what makes you think that they will change after marriage?  So many people go into the marriage with the hopes that a person will change and often times, when the change does not occur or it takes too long to occur, the person wants out!     This is really not fair.  They showed you who they were, you saw the signs and still said I do.  You told God and everyone who attended your wedding that you would love them for better or worst, richer or poorer as long as you both shall live.  If you are dating someone right now, pay attention to the person that is being displayed.  Be observant!  If you have already married the person know that God is able but change takes time.

Romans 3:23 tells us that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God so we know that there is no one perfect.  In other words, we all have issues. Everyone has their own personal set of issues.   However, when you are dating, you should spend time observing the issues and then ask yourself;  “Do I want to be married to these issues?”  If you decide to say yes, be prepared to deal with whatever the issues are. Remember, you can’t change him/her!  Change is a process, are you willing to wait on the process?  What will you do while you wait?  How will you behave?

The only person who specializes in causing people to change for the better is Jesus Christ. II Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new.”  I am a witness because He keeps on changing me.  Even though I have been a Christian for years, the more that I learn about God and the closer that I move toward Him, the more He changes me. He is constantly teaching me how to love more, be more kind, less critical, more generous, and I know that it is Him.  Change is difficult so don’t think you can come along and change a person. Many have tried to change their spouses, but they fail.   Having an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ is the only thing that I know works!  You can’t get closer to God and remain the same.  Try Him!     

Until next week . . .









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2 thoughts on “How was she/he when you met?

  1. Seanicaa Edwards on said:

    Amen Minister Tatem

  2. Ponise Dorsey on said:

    Yesssss this is exactly what I’m going through. I truly didn’t know or was too in love to pay attention to how bad things truly were. Thank you Jesus! I’m just taking it one day at a time. Thank you for the article. I’m just going to try to be the best person I can be and hopefully through my actions he’ll want to do some things differently. If not, I have to make a decision.

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