Marriage from A to Z

Common Cares of Christmas – #3

     Decorating your home, shopping for gifts, preparing a wonderful meal, traveling to see family and friends are all common activities during the Christmas season.  Each activity requires one thing, money, money, money!  This week’s common care of Christmas deals with our Finances.

     One of the things that can be greatly impacted during the holidays is our finances. Have you ever heard families/couples fuss over the finances at Christmas?   Often times people spend more money purchasing and giving gifts during this season than any other time of the year.  Giving is a wonderful thing, the Bible says that “it is more blessed to give than receive” (Acts 20:35).  Giving doesn’t always mean spending money.  We can give of ourselves, our time and our money.   If you are not in a position to give financially this season, I encourage you to give of yourself or give of your time.

     One of the common problems with finances during Christmas is that people tend to spend money that they really don’t have.  If you have to borrow or charge on your credit cards with no means to pay it off right away this can create a problem.  Some take their bill money to purchase gifts and then are a month behind after Christmas. We have to live after Christmas so let’s be wise with how we use our money during the holidays.  There are many ways to express love for one another without over extending yourself financially.

     We must remember the real meaning of Christmas and know that its all about the birth of  Jesus Christ.   Don’t allow the finances to be a problem in your household.  No matter what your situation, choose to focus on Christ instead of the finances.  If you are in a season of financial abundance, be sure to give and be a blessing to others.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Common Cares of Christmas #2

     Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la!  To be jolly is to be in good spirits, lively, merry, joyous, happy and cheerfully festive.  Are you jolly or are you so focused on the cares of life that you are frustrated? As I mentioned last week, for the month of December I will blog about some common cares that people have at Christmas (so please check out last week’s post if you didn’t already).  Last week’s care was the family and this week we will discuss “Frustration that needs to be turned into faith.”  

Frustration is defined as a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.  Are you jolly or frustrated?  Some are frustrated for various reasons, to name a few  . . .

1. Frustrated about the way things have gone this year
2. Frustrated that the holidays are coming and your money is funny
3. Frustrated with your spouse or your children
4. Frustrated that you are single and want to mingle but no one is in the picture
5. Frustrated that you are not where you want to be in your career, business or ministry
6. Frustrated that the relationship that you are concerned about has not changed
7. Frustrated that God doesn’t seem to be answering your prayer

I know these feelings are real because I have experienced them. Focusing on frustration often produces depression and sadness.  The enemy wants us to steal our joy.  God wants us to keep our minds stayed on him so that we can have peace, love and joy!  Jesus gives us internal and everlasting joy!     

     We must turn our frustration into faith!  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).  When we have faith, we can be jolly because we are trusting God with all of our cares. We are looking to Him to perfect that which concerns us (Psalm 138:8). We can have faith because Jesus Christ was born, he died, was buried and raised on the third day (I Corinthians 15:4).  We can be jolly because He lives! And because He lives, we can face tomorrow!  If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, mountains can be removed (Luke 17:6).  Remember that Jesus is the reason for this season. Believe God, keep your focus on Him, what He did, what He has done and what He is going to do!  No matter what your circumstances, cast all of your cares on him and have faith in God!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Common Cares of Christmas #1

     It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Is it?  For some people, this is the most difficult time of the year.  Christmas is coming and instead of focusing on the birth of our Lord and Savior, many are burdened down with the cares of life.  Our cares seem to determine our decisions and behavior during this season.  This month I will address some of the common cares at Christmas.  Ironically, each of the cares start with the letter F.  Can you guess them?  Tune in each week to see what each care will be.

The first F stands for Family.   There are various decisions that families have to make during this time of year. Some of the questions that come to my mind are the following:

• Will we decorate our home for Christmas?
• Will we stay home or will we travel?
• Will we go to your families house, my family or both?
• Will we have people over for dinner or will we go out to dinner?
• Will we purchase gifts for all of the family or just for a few?
• How much will we spend?
• Will we spend time together or be apart?
• Will this family member be kind or will they act like a fool? (lol)
• What traditions will we follow or establish?

If we are not careful some of the answers to these questions can create stress and strain on a relationship.  On the other hand, there are families that are dealing with cares that really have them burdened down such as:

• Mourning the loss of a loved one
• Dealing with the loss of  a job
• Caring for elderly parents or sick loved ones
• Dealing with un-forgivingness
• Marital/relationship problems

No matter what your family situation may be, know that God’s got it! He is able to change, heal and fix your situation.  Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken.”  In other words, give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you.  I Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  God wants to give you his peace.  He says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you, I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

God loves you and your family.  Don’t allow anything that you and your family may be experiencing to take away from celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.  He is the reason for the season.  He died so that we could have life. Make Jesus the focus for your family. Keep him in the center of every decision. Have fun with family, friends and enjoy rich fellowship.  Share the love of Christ by helping others, sharing your love and your resources.

Until next week  . . .

ps  Please join me and the FBCG Couple’s Ministry in a special prayer call for couples every Wednesday this month at 10:00 PM.  (Dial 1-302-202-1110 access code 751615)

“Do you need to detox?”

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you have time with family and friends?  Did you eat just enough or too much?  One of the main attractions for Thanksgiving day is a delicious meal.  Often times, there is a large variety of meats, side dishes and desserts to choose from. In addition, some people travel to multiple homes and eat a little from each table.   Once all of the different types of food goes into your digestive system, you may find that not everything agrees with your stomach.  Some foods may have caused a negative reaction and unpleasant feelings in the stomach therefore, you need to detox.  Can anyone identify with what I am saying?  Let’s talk about what it means to detox, and how it can impact our lives and our relationships.

What does it mean to detox?    The dictionary defines detox as:  “The process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances.” I would like to focus on the second part of the definition which says, “to rid the body of toxic or unhealthy substances.”  Some of us have experienced painful things in our childhood, adulthood, marriage or other relationships that are toxic. When something is toxic it causes unpleasant feelings, it’s harmful and in some cases poisonous.  The feelings can do terrible damage to our minds, bodies and our every day life, if we allow them.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter if it happened two days ago or twenty years ago we can still be dealing with the images, thoughts and residue of toxic relationships. Perhaps nothing bad has ever happened to you, you may just need to get rid of the negative thoughts that cross your mind every day.

If you can relate to anything that I am saying, you need to detox!  Maybe you can’t relate, but you are living with someone who needs to detox.  If so, please share this post with them.  God wants us to detox our minds and our bodies so that we can move forward and be all that He wants us to be.  When we are filled with toxins we get sick and can’t function well.  Toxins stop us from enjoying life and still our joy!  You can get a new situation or be in a new relationship but not able to enjoy it, because of the toxins that you are still dealing with in your mind.  

God’s Word has a lot to say about detoxing the mind.  We must clear our mind of all of the toxic thoughts that has us bound.  Unpleasant thoughts hindering our lives and damage our relationships.  Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, thing on these things.   

Tips for detoxing:  Feed your mind on the Word of God, read something from God’s Word every day.  Eat healthy food spiritually and physically. In some cases, you may need to talk to a counselor about the toxic thing that happened so that you can better process your thoughts and get tools to move forward.  Forgive where forgiveness in needed.  Pray and ask God to help you detox your mind and your body from all toxins.  God is able!  In addition, there is a message on YouTube by Pastor Ron Carpenter that was blessing to me called Detox (specifically Detox Part 3). Check it out!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“Thank God for the Seven P’s”

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Although this is a special time of giving thanks and spending time with family, we must remember that every day is a day of thanksgiving. As I reflect on all of the reasons that I am thankful, I was able to categorize them into seven areas.  “Thank God for the Seven P’s.”

1. Presence – God is always present.  He said that He would never leave us nor forsake us.  He is a very present help in the time of trouble.  No matter what you may be facing, know that God is present.  You are never alone because God is with you.   In Matthew 28:20 Jesus says, “Lo, I am with you always even to the end of the age.”                                                                                                                                                                           
2. Power – God is all powerful!  He can do anything!  There is nothing  too hard for Him.  All power is in God’s hand.  What might be impossible for man, is possible for God.  When we are weak, He gives us power to be strong.   Isaiah 40:29-31 tells us that “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”                                                           
3. Protection– God protects us and keeps us from dangers seen/unseen.  He watches over us and keeps us from all harm.  2 Thessalonians 3:3 says, “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”                                                                                                                                                 
4. Provision –  God is our ultimate provider.  He has made ways out of no way and opened doors.  He Has provided  life, good health, food, clothing, shelter and transportation.  Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”                                                                                                                             
5. Principles – God has given us wonderful principles  in the Bible.  His principles give us life, wisdom and direction. Hebrews 4:12 reminds us that the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword.                                                                                              
6. Prayer – I am so thankful that we can communicate with God through prayer.  Prayer changes things and people.  Prayer gives us help and hope.  James 5:16 tells us that “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”  
7. People – Thank you Lord for all of the people that you have placed in our lives to give love and to receive love.  We are blessed to have family, friends, church family, co-workers and even our enemies.  John 15:12 says, “My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you.”                    

Thank you Lord for everything!

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

Move it or lose it!

“Move it or lose it!” This is the message that kept ringing in my ears over and over on yesterday.  I felt like God kept repeating this to me; so, I want to share it as a reminder for us all.   I planned to go walking yesterday but, as it got closer to the time, I struggled with moving.  My flesh was saying, “Don’t go!” However, my spirit was saying, “You know how good you will feel after you go.”  So, I pressed beyond how I felt at the moment, and  I went brisk walking at the Prince George’s Community College Track.

As I was walking, a lady started jogging past me, and she spoke because she thought I was someone else.  We said hello and, when I realized that she was much older than me, I said, “You go girl!” I was so blessed by her presence and the fact that she was older than me and “comfortably” jogging.  We introduced ourselves, and she mentioned that she was 73 years old and had been running all of her life. All I could say was, “Wow!”  What a powerful testimony!  At some point in her life, she learned that if she didn’t continue to move it, she would lose it!

Later in the afternoon, my mom, daughter and I went to visit my 81 year old grandmother at a rehabilitation center.  She is there to receive physical therapy and prayerfully build up her physical strength. I witnessed her and many other patients as they worked hard to move their arms and legs.  It was a real struggle.  My grandmother has lost so much of her strength from a lack of movement.  Her entire body is weak and she is prone to falling every time she tries to stand.  Unfortunately, she has had two falls within the last two weeks (please pray for her).  My grandmother’s primary caretaker is my grandfather, and he is 86 years old. For some reason, he is physically in good condition and able to move around and about with no problem.  What’s the difference?  He frequently moves.  Even though he is older than my grandmother, he has chosen to keep moving.

This week’s message is simple: Keep moving your body! Get as many steps in as you can each day.  Ask a friend to hold you accountable for moving on a regular basis.  One of the things that motivates me is having a Fitbit, which is a watch that tracks the number of steps that I make each day.  I strive for 10,000 steps a day, and I know some who do even more. Set goals for yourself and be intentional about moving each day.   If you don’t move your body, it is very easy to lose the ability to move comfortably.  Although we know that it is very important to train yourself to be godly, the Bible tells us that bodily exercise profits a little (I Timothy 4:7-8).

Until next week .  . .

Carolyn

“No Need to Fear!”

The election may not have gone the way some of us thought, but God is still in control! Some are fearful about what will happen next, but no need to fear!  Maybe you are not fearful about our new president or the direction of our country but you are dealing with other worries and fears.  This week’s post is just to encourage those who are dealing with any kind of fear.

Fear is real and it can negatively affect us, our health and our relationships.  It is defined as  a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined ; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Fear shows up in various places. Fear in the home, in school, on the job, in the family and in the finances.  Some are married and dealing with fear of the unknown and the what ifs.  There are singles who are afraid to get married because of everything that could possibly happen. This is the fear of trying because of the fear of failure.  Parents are afraid for their children  because of everything that is happening in our world.  What is your fear?  How are you dealing with it?

The enemy places all kinds of fear in our hearts and minds but we must recognize that fear is not of God.  2 Timothy 1:7  says “For God have not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  So every time you have a fearful thought, you have to kill it with a scripture or a statement of power and love.  Fear will cripple you and stunt your growth.  Don’t allow fearful thoughts to win.  Whatever you are facing, know that God is with you and there is no need to fear.

Isaiah 41:10 says “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isn’t this comforting to know?  Approach each day with faith!  Believe that God is able, He will take care of you, He will strengthen you to go through whatever! There is nothing too hard for God.  Trust Him in every situation. Train your thoughts to have faith and not fear.  Since God is in control, we can live in faith and not in fear!  The choice is yours.

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“The Need to be Gentle!”

     Are you a gentle person?  Evaluate the way that you conduct yourself on a day to day basis.  How have you responded to people in conversations or in conduct?  Have you been gentle?  One of the things that can instantly put a bad taste in one’s mouth, ruin a good moment, a good conversation or even a relationship is coming in contact with someone who is not being gentle.  God is calling all Christians to BE GENTLE!  Gentle in your conversation, your conduct and in your relationships.  It’s  a need!  Let’s talk about it.

     Galatians 5:22-23 says “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (let’s just focus on gentleness).  Against such there is no law.”   Since gentleness is one of the fruits of the Spirit we know that we are not naturally inclined be gentle.  We need the Spirit of God working in us to produce gentleness.  This character trait is produced when the Holy Spirit transforms us and takes out our nature and put in the nature of  Christ.  As brilliant as we are, we need the help of the Holy Spirit to be gentle.  The more we grow in our relationship with God, the more He transforms us.

What does it mean to be gentle?  So glad that you asked.  Gentleness is the quality of being kind and careful.  Let’s look at what it means to be gentle and the opposite of gentleness.

Gentleness:  Compassion, kindness, meekness, being polite, restrained behavior and forgiveness are traits of gentleness.  When one is gentle, they will correct others with easiness instead of arguing with resentment or anger. It’s a soft touch.  As gentle people we must recognize that God’s ways and thoughts are high above our own.

The Opposite of Gentleness:   Impolite, rough, callous, cruel, agitated, rude, unmannerly, hateful, irritable, noisy, sharp, roused, coarse, disagreeable, boisterous, unfeeling, unfriendly, unhappy, heavy, violent, turbulent, unkind, troubled and not being compassionate.

Evaluate yourself, have you been gentle this week?  If the answer is no, ask God to forgive you  and if necessary the person to whom you have not been gentle.   Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to be gentle. Gentleness is a sign that the Spirit of God is in control of your life. When we display gentleness our relationships will be positively impacted and God gets the glory!  Let’s walk in the Spirit of Christ and not our own.

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

“Need Miraculous Provision?”

As Tamela Mann’s song says, “God Provides!”  A few weeks ago I shared that we are in a season of miracles.  Do you believe?  I am so excited to report that God performed a miracle in our finances this week.  God is so awesome and  I simply want to encourage you to keep trusting God!   We know that God provides but some times I think we forget that He can miraculously provide!

My husband and I had a bill for a little over $1,000.00.  The company sent us a bill with the total amount.  We didn’t really understand why the bill was so high and wasn’t looking forward to having to pay it.  We have been praying and fasting about paying off our debts. On Monday we called the company and I keyed in all of the necessary information for the computer that answered.  Once I put in my name and account number the computer said your balance is “Zero.”  I couldn’t believe my ears so I hung up and called back but this time I asked to speak to a person.  I gave the lady my name and account number and she said Mrs. Tatem your balance is “Zero.”  My husband was right there with me when I placed the call and we both looked at each other with amazement!  At first we were trying to figure it out, but then we quickly came to the conclusion that Jesus paid the bill and that God provides!  We have been thanking and praising God for how He miraculously paid our bill.  Hallelujah!  Thank you Jesus!

Philippians 4:19 says “And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”  This verse reminds us that God will provide and it doesn’t have to come from your bank account. It says that He will supply our needs according to “His riches” not my riches.  (Thank you Jesus!)  God has riches that never run out, they are unlimited!  I am a witness that God  will use whoever He has to and do whatever He needs to be done in order to get a blessing to you!

Trust and believe God for whatever you need.  Be faithful and obedient to God so that you are in a good position to be blessed.  The same God who miraculously provided for my husband and I this week will do the same for you.  There is no need to worry and no need to doubt, God will work it out!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“What are you thinking?”

One of the things that can kill you, your dreams, your marriage and your relationships with others is your thought life.  If you are thinking negative thoughts, constantly worry about the what ifs, talk yourself out of doing something positive, you have what my pastor calls “stinking thinking.”  Stinking thinking can cause a lot of damage, prevent us from reaching our day to day goals and dreams.  So let’s talk about your thought life.  What are you thinking?

I have to admit, one of my most consistent struggles is with my thought life.  Negative thoughts, what ifs and fearful thoughts constantly come my way but by the grace of God, they don’t stay. If you are not careful the thoughts will hit you as soon as you wake up. The thoughts can be so powerful that they will stop you from doing what you know is the right thing to do.   For example, you want to get up and exercise but instead you lay in the bed thinking all kinds of thoughts for an hour and before you know it, your thoughts have killed your time (needless to say, you don’t get the exercise in). You started with a good thought (to exercise) but then negative thoughts came in to tell you 5 reasons why you shouldn’t or you can’t exercise.  Does anyone out there know what I am talking about?

If you are not careful, stinking thinking can affect your marriage or other relationships because the enemy wants to kill, steal and destroy.  He wants to get you so focused on something negative that someone did or said until it consumes your thought life.  When you think on negative thoughts for any length of time, it will often produce negative behavior.

Since this is a consistent battle that I have to fight.  I just want to share my strategy:  First I want to give you a prescription for negative thoughts and stinking thinking.  Philippians 4:8-9 says:  “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue  and if there is anything praiseworthy  mediate on these things.  The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. ”  We have to replace negative thoughts and stinking thinking with good thoughts.  

Second:  As soon as a negative thought comes to your mind you have to immediately cast it out.  II Corinthians 10:4-5 says:  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. ” If what you are thinking does not line up with the Word you must take that thought and submit it to Christ.  

Now I wish that I could tell you that once you take this prescription you will never have negative thoughts again.  This is a daily battle and we must fight it with a daily diet of the Word of God especially first thing in the morning.  God has great things in store for us but we must allow Him to be in control of our thoughts.  I encourage you to think good things!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn