Marriage from A to Z

“What Are Your Expectations?”

   Last week, one of my friends invited my children and I to join her and her children at Six Flags Amusement Park.  We agreed upon a day, the time and we met at the park.  I had visioned us sitting in front of the splash park area talking while watching our kids get in the water.  I told my kids to put on their swim gear and we were ready.  On the other hand, my girlfriend had prepared her kids to ride on rides and to not bring their swim gear.  Long story short, my friend and I never discussed what we were planning to do once we got to the park.  Therefore, my kids and I was expecting to spend time at the splash park area for a couple of hours and her kids were expecting to ride the rides.  We both were saying Six Flags to our kids  but we had two different plans in mind.  

     That situation reminded me of what happens in marriage and relationships.  Two people can say they want to get married but have two different ideas of what marriage is all about.   Each one of us have different backgrounds, were raised differently and have experienced different things.  These things help to develop and make up our expectations. An expectation is the belief that something will happen or is likely to happen.    Often times a person gets married with one expectation and their spouse has another. When expectations are not met, it can cause problems. So what do you do?  

     Communicate, communicate, communicate!  Communication is the key because people honestly will not know unless you tell them.  It is so important to make your expectations clear and to talk about the things that matter to you.  Talking will help you to understand the expectations.  You can agree, change or adjust once you know what is expected.  Often times in relationships, we assume instead of really communicating our expectations. Here are a list of some of the areas that can cause problems if we don’t share our expectations.

Have you discussed your expectations? 

• In marriage (Are we going to stick with it no matter what or is divorce an option?)
• In developing a godly marriage – (If you expect to go to church every Sunday and your spouse doesn’t)
• In handling the finances – (Saving, paying bills, spending habits and lending money)
• In raising children – (You believe in discipline but your spouse does not)
• In having friendships outside of marriage – (Are you okay with me hanging out?)
• In Sexual Intimacy – (Frequency, pleasure, duration, variety)
• In communicating – (You like to talk but your refuses to share)
• In dating – (You want to go places but your spouse loves to stay home)

All of the above are areas that require communication. If not, we are sure to encounter some rude awakenings. To all of the singles, it is wise to discuss your expectations before you get married.   

     In conclusion, communicate your expectations and make them clear.  Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

Until next week . . .

Carolyn