Marriage from A to Z

Is Your Love Tank Full or Empty?

     Have you ever heard someone say, “I love you” but in actuality you don’t feel the love?  In other words, their actions don’t speak love to you.    Each of us are unique and need to be loved.  However, what speaks love to you may be totally different from what speak’s love to your spouse, child or friend.  It is important that we learn how to love people the way that they desire to be loved.  I like to think of it as a love tank. Imagine the one you love with this big tank, and it’s your job to keep the tank full. You will need to find out what speaks love to your loved one so that you can keep the tank full. When our love tank is full we are happier, healthier, and we are in a better position to love others.

    Several years ago, I read Gary Chapman’s book titled; “The Five Love Languages.”  The book explains five different ways to love, and is perfect for learning to fill a love tank.  Gary Chapman points out that all of the love languages are needed for a healthy relationship but each one of us have a primary language that really makes us feel loved.   Just in case you have not read the book, here are the five love languages:

1. Acts of Service – You feel loved when people help you do things.  For example:  When your spouse helps to wash the clothes, dishes or helps with the children, you really feel loved .  
2. Words of Affirmation – You feel love when some one affirms you with words.  For example:  You did a great job!, I love the way that you cleaned the garage or you really look nice in that outfit!  
3. Gifts – You feel most loved when you receive gifts.  
4. Quality time – You feel most loved when you get quality time in with the one you love.  
5. Physical Touch – You feel most loved when you are touched.  

     Be sure that you know what makes you feel loved the most, and know what makes your spouse feel loved.  If you have children, it’s good to know their love language as well.  Aim to keep the love tank full by speaking the language that speaks volume to them.  For example.  My love language is quality time.  I really feel loved when my husband gives me one on one time with no distractions. If he were to say I love you, but never wants to spend time together, I wouldn’t feel his love, and my love tank would be empty.  However, he knows my love language, and I know his so, each week our goal is to fill each other’s tank. Many people leave relationships and marriages because their love tank is rarely filled.  A full tank helps to keep a happy and satisfied spouse.   Is your tank on full or empty?  

Until next week,

Carolyn