Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

“Relationship Pain?”

I’ve got pain, you’ve got pain, all of God’s children have some relationship pain!  God is a relational God and therefore, He created us to be in relationships. We have relationships with our spouse, our children, our siblings, our parents, our friends and others.  I believe that we learn some of our greatest lessons through being in relationships.  Some times relationships are good, healthy and bring us a lot of joy.  On the other hand, there are times when relationships are challenging and can bring us some pain.  I know it’s not something that we like to talk about, but it’s real, and we need to know how to deal with our pain.

Relationship pain takes place when there is rejection, mistreatment, lack of communication, unfaithfulness, abandonment, abuse, death, and the list goes on and on.  The bottom line is that something was done or said to hurt you badly and it causes some pain.   Pain is defined as mental, emotional or physical suffering, torment or distress. Often times, the closer the person is to you, the greater the pain.  When we experience pain, we have to decide what our next step will be.  You may have to get counseling and there is nothing wrong with getting help. However, you will have to make some decisions.  Will you forgive? Will you continue in the relationship?  How will you function with the pain?

So what do you do when you are in a relationship that is causing you some pain? This week I want to share a prescription for pain that has helped me, and I hope that it will help you or someone you know.

P = Pray to God and ask for strength to get through the pain.  Pray that you will be able to forgive and function. Communicate with God frequently.  You can’t just pray one or two times, you have got to return to God over and over.

A = Accept the fact that God allowed it to happen.  God has a purpose and a plan for our pain. Our pain should draw us closer to God, don’t allow the enemy to turn you away from God in the midst of your pain.  Often times your pain becomes the very avenue to help others.  “God will use your misery to be become your ministry.” Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for the good to those who love God.

I = Imitate Christ in the midst of pain.  Ask  yourself the question, “What would Jesus do?”  Spend time reading His Word to get strength and direction. His Word teaches us how to live godly.  Jesus teaches us to forgive, remember when He was being crucified, He said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Sometimes the people who cause us pain don’t know what they are doing.

N = Numbness, to become numb means to be deprived of physical sensation.  If every time we think of the pain, we break down, we have got to become numb.  When you become numb to the pain, you can function well without breaking down. This means getting to the point where it doesn’t bother you.  Sometimes we do well in this area and then something else is done or said to make the pain resurface.  When this happens we have to take this prescription again, just like when you get sick and take medicine, when the medicine wears off, you have to take it again. In addition, N = NEVER GIVE UP! 

Be encouraged and know that this is only a prescription for pain.  Doctor Jesus is the ultimate comforter and healer of whatever you may be going through. Nothing is too hard for Him!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

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4 thoughts on ““Relationship Pain?”

  1. Sweet T on said:

    I went to therapy, and what I learned in order to get through a painful event, is to : 1) have and rely on a higher power ( for me its God),2) acknowledge the pain, 3) allow myself to feel and experience it without self medicating by eating, drinking, or sex to make myself feel better. I decided to intentionally take care of myself, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I spend my time doing positive things and being around positive people. I also found keeping a journal to be helpful.

  2. Enj D. on said:

    When I first read this I was a little put off with the association of N in PAIN equaling-Numbness. I though to myself…no. nope..anh anh. Why would I want to become numb to the pain that someone caused me, or is causing me… I want to stop the pain, get away from the pain, not become numb while still enduring the pain. So I decided to re-read the post before completely dismissing it and suddenly realized the true application of Numbness. By Praying, Accepting, Imitating Christ, and Never giving up on Christ, the Lord is helping me to become numb to the feelings and emotions “I associated” with the pain, which really only stifle MY growth, the growth the Lord has planned for me. I am not becoming numb to the situation as I previously thought, I am praying my way through the situation with God’s help and depriving myself of that physical sensation I have to lash out at the source of the pain, or at myself for making bad choices that led to the pain. I am numbing my emotional center to my own destructive thoughts that could lead to negative actions and hence ignore God and further lead me away from his stretching of my spirit and soul. So yes, I will chose to use numbness as a weapon of choice on the battlefield of my mind against my destructive emotions.

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