Marriage from A to Z

Principles for a Successful Marriage

“Who Are You Married To?”

Why does my spouse act this way?  Why is she so controlling?  Why does it take him so long to make a decision?  How can she be so insensitive?  Why is he/she so messy?  These are just a few of the questions that one might ask when a person’s personality is manifesting itself in a relationship.  If you don’t know the personality that you married, you will not understand the answers to these questions.  One of the things that will cut down on arguments in a relationship, help you to understand each other, and why you do the things that you do is knowing you and your spouse’s personality.  Another name for it is your temperament.

Did you know that every person has inborn traits that subconsciously affects all of their behavior?  Research has proven that there are inborn traits given to us in our genes based on hereditary factors and are arranged at the time that we were conceived.

There are four basic personality types/temperaments.  Each one has a set of tendencies/strengths and weaknesses. One is not better than the other because all are needed each one has benefits and areas to work on.  Once a person knows the temperaments, they can better understand their selves, their spouse and everyone that they know.  Knowing the temperaments teaches us why people behave the way that they do. Now everyone has a dominant temperament, and you can also have a secondary.

Here are the four basic temperaments and a brief description of tendencies/strengths and weaknesses. The goal is to identify you and your spouse’s temperament.

  1.  Sanguine – The Sanguine is often known as the life of the party.  This is the person who wants to have fun, is very friendly and has a great sense of humor.   Some of their strengths is that they are; outgoing, optimistic, spontaneous, enthusiastic, forgiving and compromising.  Their weaknesses are that they are; restless, weak-willed, great starters but slow finishers and many of their actions are based upon their feelings.  They can also be unstable, messy,outspoken, poor at financial planning.  Since they are very friendly, they may come off as flirtatious.
  2. Choleric – The Choleric personality is very strong and powerful.  This is often the person who is a leader and wants to control.  They are not discouraged easily because they are determined, optimistic, outgoing, outspoken, team player, decisive and adventurous.  They want to feel accomplished.  Their strengths also include being goal-oriented. Their weaknesses are that they may be hard, impatient, lack compassion, and over committed, They think they are always right and they struggle for control.
  3. Melancholy – The Melancholy can come off as Mr. or Mrs. Perfect!  Their goal is do every thing perfectly.   They make good friends because they are faithful and self-sacrificing.  They are usually neat, punctual, mindful of important dates and they like to have things in good financial order. They are also big on education.  Their weaknesses include; being too critical, moody, analyze too much, struggle with depression and struggle with forgiveness because they will keep records of your wrongs. By the way, this is my temperament (lol!)
  4. Phlegmatic – The Phlegmatic is one who is often cool and calm.  They just want to have peace! This is truly my husband’s personality.  Their strengths are that they are good under pressure, witty, dependable and they enjoy humor.  Also, they are stable and content.  Some of their weaknesses are that they may appear to be lazy, critical, not goal oriented, unemotional and strong-willed.

Regardless of what our natural tendencies, strengths and weaknesses are, we must all strive to be controlled by God’s Holy Spirit and behave in a way that pleases Him. So let’s not use our natural born weaknesses as excuses to act up or mis-treat others.  The key to not operating in the weaknesses is being led by God and obedient to His Word.

For more information, I recommend that you read Spirit Controlled Temperaments by Tim LeHaye.  There is also a book on temperaments specifically for women called the Spirit Controlled Woman by Beverly LaHaye. If you are interested in a personality assessment or connecting with a certified Personality trainer my friend Karen Ward can help you at

Until next week . .  .



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2 thoughts on ““Who Are You Married To?”

  1. Thanks for the shout out Carolyn.

  2. DeSaune Reid on said:

    Hey Karen thanks so much for the different temperaments. I got this information from Facebook off of Carolyn’s page but I would like to have it to share with my husband. We wanted this from the conference. Is there away you could send it to me. Thanks again

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