Marriage from A to Z

Pray For Your Spouse!

     Is there a specific change that you want to see in your spouse?  Have you been secretly complaining about something that you wish your spouse would start doing or stop doing?  Maybe your spouse is in a situation where he/she needs God to open up a door and make a way out of no way.  Well since we are one with our spouse, when your spouse is in need, you are in need.  This week I want to encourage you to commit to praying for your spouse daily.  Prayer changes things.   

     This week’s topic was inspired by Genesis 25:21 which says “Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was barren.  The Lord answered his prayer and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.”  Isaac pleaded with God for children, so the Bible encourages us to ask and sometimes plead with God for our most personal and important request.  Are you willing to spend more time praying specifically for your spouse?  This is the person that you live with so you know exactly how to pray. Your prayers can make a wonderful difference in your spouse’s life.  If you have been praying, I encourage you to take it up a notch and spend a little more time talking to God about spouse.   He is the only One who has the power to change us. He changes hearts, minds and situations. Often times, I have found that while I am praying for my spouse, God ends up doing something different in me.  

    God sees,  He knows and He hears  us when we pray.  Even though somethings take time and require us to wait, be patient and be encouraged.  Waiting can be difficult but know that God has a purpose for the wait.  Waiting can help us to have a greater appreciation for the answer when it comes and it also may help to mature us so that we can use the gifts that God gives to us more wisely.   So pray for your spouse and wait on the Lord!  

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Holding Hands”

     One of the sweetest sights that I love to see is a husband and wife holding hands.  Especially when they have been married for a long time and they still want to hold each other’s hand.  It’s a rare sight, but this week I want to encourage you to be one of those couples who make time to hold hands privately and publicly.

     First of all, you have to be together in order to hold hands.   You can walk together and hold hands even if it’s a short walk from a building to your car.  You can ride in the car together and take a few minutes to hold hands.  You can sit on the couch and hold hands while watching TV. While sitting at the table you can take a few minutes to hold hands.  My husband likes to hold my hand in church when its time for prayer as a form of togetherness.  Whenever you are with your spouse take a few minutes to hold hands.

     Holding hands is a good habit to cultivate, It is also a form of physical intimacy.  When people see a couple holding hands, it is a sign of connection and commitment.  According to several health studies, there are great benefits to holding hands.

BENEFITS OF HOLDING HANDS

• It helps to reduce stress
• It relieves the body
• It makes your brain work a little less hard in coping
• It’s good for your relationship
• It’s good for your health
• It offers a feeling of affection, protection and comfort

So take some time to hold your spouse’s hand. Remember that part of your wedding vows which says “to have and to hold?”  Your touch makes a difference!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Lessons From A Zipper

     Sunday was Women’s Day at my church, First Baptist Church of Glenarden.  The color for the day was plum, all shades. When the color was announced, I thought of a dress that I already had in my closet.  I was so excited that I didn’t need to  buy anything.

     When it was time to get dressed, I put the dress on and asked my husband if he could zip me up?  The dress has a long zipper in the back.  He pulled up the zipper but it would only zip half way.  He tried and tried but the zipper would only come up half way.  I took the dress off and noticed that once the zipper got to a certain spot, it would not move.  My husband and I took turns trying to move the zipper up but it refused to move.  Although time was ticking away, we kept trying because I had my mind set on wearing this dress and besides, I didn’t have another plum dress.

     After trying multiple times, we were about to give up.  As a matter of fact, I took the dress off and put on a black suit that I really did not want to wear but I felt like I had no choice.  I was not going to let this situation make us miss church however, we were running behind.  We were both determined to fix this zipper.  Even after I put on another outfit, we kept going back to try the zipper again.

     Finally, I decided to pray about it.  I know, I should have done this at first.  I wish I had.  I prayed, “Lord I really want to wear this dress, can You fix this zipper?”  I thought You are God Almighty, surely you can touch this zipper and fix this problem.  After the prayer, my husband walked away and went to put some Vaseline on his fingers.  He rubbed the Vaseline on the zipper and it went right up!  I was sooo excited!  We both thanked God.  I immediately took off the black suit and slipped the dress over my head.

     My husband said it was the prayer!  I say it was a combination of the prayer, him listening to the voice of God and being obedient.  This was truly a God idea because neither of us were thinking about using Vaseline to rub on the zipper.  So I asked God, “What was this all about?”  He made it very clear that there are lessons that He wanted me to share from my zipper experience.

Lessons Learned:

1. Partner – Work together with your spouse instead of against each other.  Be on the same team.
2. Persevere – No matter what you are going through, don’t give up!
3. Pray – Talk to God first.  Don’t let prayer be the last resort, it will save you some time.
4. Press through the problem – We all have problems in our marriages, don’t get discouraged.
5. Praise – Remember to thank God during and after the problem is fixed.

Maybe you see some other lessons in this experience, if so I would love to hear from you.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Attention: Husbands and Wives! “Pay Your Dues”

          When your bills are due and you don’t pay within a certain time you are likely to get a phone call telling you that your bill is due and asking when are you going to pay your bill?  Collectors will call you at home, on your cell or wherever until your bill is paid.

     Did you know that once you get married and become a husband/wife you have dues to pay to each other?  I call them “Affection Dues.”  I like the way that the Urban Dictionary defines affection, it says affection is a physical way of showing just how much you love someone .  It is a fond attachment that makes you want to touch, tickle, kiss, hug or hold.  Dues are something that is owed at the present time.

     This week I want to encourage you to pay your  “Affection Dues” to your spouse.   Don’t let your spouse be put in a position to have to call you or anyone else to get their “Affection Dues” paid.  Pay your affection dues on a regular.  Give it without delay and without having to be asked.   Your husband/wife is due your affection.  Give it to them, do not deprive them.  Not paying your “Affection Dues” puts your spouse in a position to be tempted by someone else outside of the marriage.

      I Corinthians 7:3 says “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”

Until next week .  .  .

Carolyn

“The Royal Treatment”

What would you do if a special guest were coming to your house for dinner? Would you be sure the house was extra clean, ask how may I serve you or would you like something to drink?  This was something that I had to learn to do because I want my guest to feel special, loved and welcomed.  Often times we go out of our way to give our guest the royal treatment but haven’t given the royal treatment to our spouse.  

This week I want to encourage you to give your spouse the royal treatment. What is your idea of a royal treatment?  Ask your spouse what’s his or her idea of a royal treatment and if possible give it to them.     I know, you are thinking when was the last time he or she gave me the royal treatment?  In Acts 20:35 Jesus said it is more blessed to give then to receive.  

My husband demonstrates the royal treatment well and I am learning to do better. He takes pride in opening my doors, pumping my gas, cooking a meal, asking if he can get me something on his way home, being sure that my needs are met. I believe that we should learn to treat our mates royally.  We should treat our mates better than any one else treats them. Realize that your husband/wife is special and that they deserve the “Royal Treatment.”  In Matthew 20:28 Jesus says for even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others.  

In conclusion, treat your wife like a queen and your husband like a king. Be intentional about giving your spouse the “Royal Treatment.”  Don’t take them for granted because we really don’t know how long we have to be their spouse.  One of the wives who’s husband was killed in the Navy Yard shooting commented and said “He was the best husband ever.”  What do you want your spouse to say about you?

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“A Genuine Friend”

     What kind of friend are you?  The word friend is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.  To be genuine is to be real, authentic and not counterfeit.  Proverbs 17:17 says a friend loves at ALL times. This means that a true friend loves when things are good or bad.  It kind of reminds me of  the marriage vows where we said for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness or in health as long as we both shall live.   Are you a genuine friend?  Are you a genuine friend to your spouse?  Some people are good friends to everyone except the person they said I do to.  In other words they will stick real close to their girl friend or guy friend but when it comes to sticking to their husband or wife, they are out.  

     The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is LOYALTY.  Loyalty is loving at ALL times and being faithful.  As a genuine friend we should be available to help in times of distress, personal struggle or any challenging situation.  There are enough fair weather friends in the world.  Any one can leave when the going gets tough but can you stand?  Can you stick around through the thick and the thin.  Trouble don’t last always.  Fair weather friends leave when they are not getting anything out of the relationship.  This week I want to encourage you to be a genuine friend.

     The Bible encourages us to be a true friend.  Do a self check, are you a loyal, genuine friend or are you a fair weather friend?  Read I Corin. 13:7 “Love bears all things, hopes all things and endures all things.”  Now replace the word love with friend.  Friends bear ALL things, hopes ALL things and endure ALL things.  

     With God’s help, we can be a “Genuine Friend.”

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Bounce Back!

     Yesterday my husband and I had 3 misunderstandings.  This was too many for me in one day.  It just seemed like our communication was off all day.  He said something and I misunderstood him and then I said something and he misunderstood me.  We both acted upon what we thought we heard the other one say.  However, in 3 different situations we were wrong and misunderstood each other.  Each time, we both got upset.  I personally wanted to stay there for a minute but God would not let me.  He said Bounce Back!

     To bounce back is to overcome, renew one’s strength.  I had to quickly get myself together and realize that it was not my intent nor my husband’s intent to purposely do something contrary to what we had discussed.  After giving the situations much thought, I constantly heard the Lord say, Bounce Back!  

  This week, I want to encourage you to bounce back when you encounter misunderstandings in your marriage, with co-workers or with family and friends. 

A Solution for Bouncing Back

1.  Pray and ask God to help you to walk in His Spirit and not in your flesh.

2.  Realize that it is ok to get angry but you don’t want to stay there.  Be angry and sin not.

3.  Remember the flesh wants you to stay angry, upset and mad, but you must bounce back quickly.  Practice displaying love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Know that God will help you.

4.  Everyone makes mistakes and we must be willing to treat others the way that we want to be treated when we make a mistake. 

Scripture Reference:  Galatians 5:16-26  Walk in the Spirit and not in your flesh.  

Until Next Week . . . . 

Carolyn

Where is Your Ring?

      If you are married please show a sign!  The wedding ring is still an outward  sign of an inward bond and commitment.    I don’t know about you but I still look at the ring finger to see if a person is displaying a sign of marital commitment. Just like I am looking, there are others who are also looking.  If you are married, I hope that you can answer this weeks question, “Where is your ring by saying,  “its on my finger.”

     I know there are all kinds of reasons why married people are not wearing their wedding ring.  To name a few that I have heard:  “I don’t like to work out in my rings so I took them off, I lost my ring, I can’t fit my ring, I left my ring at home, we are not on good terms etc.”   Although some people don’t respect a marriage ring when they see one, the ring is a visual sign that you are taken, married and not available.  Your behavior should say the same.    The ring is a representation of your spouse especially when you are not physically in each other’s presence.  

     When you get married, you and your spouse become one.  Wherever you go, you are no longer just representing yourself, you represent each other and most importantly, you represent Christ. The ring is a never ending circle that represents the everlasting love of God and the love that He wants us to have in His institution called marriage.

     So this week I want to encourage all of those who are married to wear your wedding ring even if you have to wear a temporary ring until your ring is fixed, or replaced.  If you have been wearing your ring all along, keep up the good work! Remember your ring is an outward sign of an inward bond and commitment that was only meant to be broken by death!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Everyone Needs Some Discipline”

     You want to exercise consistently, you want to eat right, you want to lose weight, you want to save a certain amount of money and pay off some bills, you want a great marriage  and you want to please God more.  It  all sounds great but the one ingredient that you must have is some SELF-DISCIPLINE.  It’s also known as SELF-CONTROL.  Last week’s topic was “The Best Rewards.”  Well if you want to win in the race of life and gain some rewards, you have to have some Self-discipline.

    Self-discipline can be defined several ways, here are a few definitions: 1) Training to act  in accordance with rules.  2) Activity, exercise or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training 3) The ability to motivate oneself inspite of a negative emotional state.

     I love the third definition.  We must learn to motivate ourselves to do the right thing inspite of a negative emotional state.  That means regardless of what’s going on around you, you must control yourself to do the right thing.  Inspite of how tired you may feel, you must push yourself to exercise and get your body up and moving. Inspite of how you may want to tell that person off, you must control your tongue. Inspite of someone who is trying to get you to do wrong, you must choose to do right.

     Discipline takes hard work and willpower but be encouraged and know that it also takes time to develop.  It requires developing attitudes that do not come naturally. You have to train yourself to eat better, exercise, save and make better choices.   Self-discipline is all about building the will to say NO when a powerful appetite inside of you screams yes.

THE KEY TO SUCCESS WITH DISCIPLINE

We must channel our desires, appetites and weaknesses toward God.  He is the only one who can help us to control ourselves.  Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Pray that God will help you to discipline yourself.  Try connecting with a friend who is willing to  hold you accountable.

Reference:  I Corinthians 9:24-27, Galatians 6:23

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

The Best Rewards!

      When I was a child, I can remember the teacher giving special rewards to the students who were diligent.  To be diligent is to be constant in effort to accomplish something; attentive and persistent in doing anything.  Last week my message was “Don’t Quit!.”  This week I want to encourage you to keep being diligent in your walk with the Lord, your marriage, raising your children, working on your goals or whatever it is that God has called you to do.  

     Believe that God will reward you for your diligence.  He gives the best rewards! His rewards are always beyond anything that we could ever think or imagine. Sometimes it may seem like you are working so hard and no one sees or knows or appreciates your efforts.  However, God sees, He knows and you can trust Him for the best Rewards!            

     Hebrews 11:6 says “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”   

Until next week . . .

Carolyn