Marriage from A to Z

“Do You Practice Name Calling When You Argue?”

      Recently I heard a wife respond to her husband by saying, “You’re just “stupid.”  A  husband got mad at his wife and said “You B” (he actually said the full word).  One wife was so upset because she and her husband had a disagreement and he said “F you.” The interesting thing was when I selected this topic, I mentioned it to my 14 year old and she said, “Isn’t that a topic for kids?”  In her mind, adults know better and would not call each other names.  However, this is not the case.   

    Webster’s Dictionary defines “Name Calling” as the following:

• Abusive or insulting language referring to a person or group
• Verbal abuse
• The use of abusive names to belittle or humiliate another person
• The act of using offensive names to insult someone when in an argument
• To induce rejection or condemnation without objective consideration of the facts

      Name calling will damage any relationship. Let me be clear, I am talking about offensive names not names of endearment like, sweety, honey,baby, etc.   How can you call your wife a “B” and then expect her to make love to you at night?  How can a wife call her husband “stupid” and expect him to still be attracted to her?  Name calling tears down intimacy, self-esteem, it hurts and it destroys relationships with a spouse, children, friends or whoever.  There are so many kids who are suffering from name calling.  Unfortunately, some of the name calling comes from their parents.  We must be careful about what we call our children.

     Name calling does so much damage because often times the name will stick with you.  If you haven’t been taught how to take a negative name or thought out of your mind quickly, you will replay the name over and over in your mind.  There are adults who can quickly recall names that they were called as a child.  Why?  Because it hurt them, and it stuck with them.  Often times, when the argument is over, the person who was called names is still wondering if that’s the way the person really feels about them.  One of the biggest lies that we use to say as children is “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  This is not true.  Words hurt and we must stop the name calling.  

     Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”  So when you get into an argument or a disagreement, resist the urge to call your spouse, children or your friends outside of their names.   Learn how to attack the problem and not the person.  Remember that there is life after an argument and you don’t want the name that you called your spouse, child or friend to haunt them.  If name calling is something that you practice, I encourage you to stop, ask God to forgive you as well as the person who you called the name. 

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn