Marriage from A to Z

Don’t Write in The Margins!

     I know we live in a day where students are typing most of their assignments instead of writing.  Does anyone remember learning to write on notebook paper?  If so, you probably heard your teacher say, “Do not write in the margins!”  Some even went as far as taking points off of your paper if you crossed the red margin lines.  Well this week God has a message for us and its all about having margin in your life.  Do you have clear margin in your life or are you living outside of the margins?

     Margins on paper are boundaries that keep us from writing off of the page, they are usually red which is a color that means STOP!  The margins tell us where to start writing and where to end.   Some teachers would even use the margin as an area to write notes to the student.  I remember when I stayed within the margins, my work would look very neat and my teacher was pleased.

     So what do margins have to do with you today?  Well God wants you to have some margin in your life.  He wants you to have some boundaries, space where there will be no writing, no activities and no busyness.  There is something powerful about being still.  (I wrote about this a few weeks ago) The purpose of the margin is to stop and take time to give God your focus in worship and allow Him to get the glory and honor (John 16:14 and Exodus 9:13,16). There are gifts that God wants to bless us with but we must set aside time  (margin) to focus/worship the Lord. Recall His faithfulness, His protection, His mercy and How awesome He is.   There is none like Him in all the earth.

      When we have margin in our lives we will have time to pursue our dreams, think, pray, relax, meditate, process and grow.  Having margin helps us to develop a healthy relationship with God and with others. When we don’t have margin,  we don’t have time for our real priorities such as God our spouse, our children and other  important relationships.

     This week, I want to encourage you to take a look at your life.  Do you have margin in your life?  Are you setting aside time to stop and focus on God? He wants intimacy.  Will you draw closer to Him?  God wants to be your main focus, place Him in the center of your life.  In the book “Breathe” Priscilla Shirer states,  “Margin keeps us from marginalizing (minimizing) God.”

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

p.s.  Another name for Margin is Sabbath.  Exodus 20:8 tells us to Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.  Throughout scripture, people who practiced having a Sabbath were blessed and those who did not brought harm to theirselves.

Does God Still Work Miracles?

          Yes!  Yes and yes!  I am so excited and happy to say that God is still in the miracle working business.  How do I know? I have seen Him do it!  This past Sunday many of us (at The First Baptist Church of Glenarden)  witnessed God performing a miracle for one of our church members and her child last week. In addition, there has been story after story reporting miracles that God has performed. Our pastor concluded that, “This is a season for miracles!”  Is there anybody out there that has a situation that only God can fix?   I don’t know about you, but I am believing God for a miracle! Do you believe?

What is a Miracle?    A miracle is defined as “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.  It’s a divine act that can only be accredited to God.  I have also heard it described as “An instance when God suspended the regular way that the universe functions to interject His activity. (Book:  Breathe by Priscilla Shirer)

Miracles in the Bible:  God worked miracles in biblical times and He is still performing miracles today.  If He did it before, He can do it again!  Just to remind you of a few of the miracles that God performed, here is a list of some of the popular stories.

1. Jesus Feeds the Five thousand (Matthew 14:13-21)
2. Jesus Walks on Water (Matthew 14:22-33)
3. Jesus Raises Lazarus from the Dead (John 11:1-44)
4. Ten Plagues of Egypt (Exodus 9:27)
5. Crossing of the Red Sea (Exodus 14)
6. Jesus Exorcises Legion (Luke 8:26-39)
7. Balaam and his Talking Donkey (Numbers 22:28)
8. Joshua Stops the Sun (Joshua 10:13)
9. The Girl Restored to Life (Luke 8:49)
10. The 3 Hebrew Boys in the blazing furnace (Daniel 3:1-30)

Why Does God Work Miracles?    A miracle is a reminder that God is real.  He wants us to worship Him and live a life that is devoted to Him.  Have you ever witnessed something miraculous? Just recently we saw a Prince Georges County school bus catch fire and some how, the bus driver was able to get all of the children off of the bus safely and go back on the bus to check and make sure that she had everyone.  As soon as she stepped off of the bus, the bus blew up into flames.   She and all of the children were safe. (Praise God!)  When something like this happens you know that man had nothing to do with it, only God.  Miracles remind us of God and  cause us to experience His supernatural power, protection, healing and provision.  

In conclusion, I just want to remind you that God is still in the miracle working business.  So if you need a miracle in your marriage, family, finances, health or in your career.  Believe God!  Nothing is impossible to those who believe.  God can do anything!  Trust God for your miracle!

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

Have you tried pouring out?

Do you have a lot on your mind?  Are you believing and waiting on God to do some great things in your life?  Maybe you are ready for a change, a change in your life, finances, career or in your marriage. Perhaps you are praying for some changes that need to happen in our world.   This week marks the beginning of the 40 day-Surrender Fast and if you are not fasting already, I encourage you to join me along with thousands who are in this season of fasting.    No matter what you are going through, believing God for or what season you are in, fasting and praying will make a difference.  This week I want to encourage you to do something that God keeps telling me to do.  Will you join me?  As we fast and pray, I can hear God saying, Carolyn I really want you to pour out your heart to me.  Sometimes we pour out to everyone but the Lord.

God wants more of us!  He really wants us to be open, honest and to talk to Him straight from the heart. To pour means to send (a liquid, fluid, or anything in loose) flowing or falling as from one container to another.  We must pour out everything in our container and give it to God.  Don’t hold back or leave anything untouched. God wants to hear from your heart.  Yes, He already knows but He wants you to take the time to pour out your heart before Him.  

So this week’s message is simple. Take time out of your schedule each day to pour out your heart before the Lord.  The following are scriptures that have encouraged me to pour out.

• Psalm 62:8 – Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.
• Psalm 142:2 – David said,  I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare before Him my trouble.
• I Samuel 1:15 – Hannah answered and said “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit.  I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord.”

There is power, strength, encouragement and victory in pouring out before the Lord! Know that God sees you, He cares for you and He will answer you.  I pray that you will pour out your heart like never before!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

Can you say NO?

Do you find yourself saying yes to things that you should be saying no?  Perhaps it is a substance, object or a person that you need to tell no but you haven’t been successful. It could also be something that you have been doing in excess and you need to stop therefore, you have to tell yourself no!  This week I encourage you to evaluate your life and ask God, what do I need to tell NO!  

The word no was created so that we could have boundaries in our life.  It is so important to learn how to use the word NO appropriately.  I am not suggesting that you say no to everything.  I am suggesting that you pray about when God would have you to answer with the word No and be obedient.  The problem comes when God has told us not to do something, not to eat something, not to touch something or to say no to something and we have said yes.  Saying yes, when we should be saying no is disobedience.   (Lord please forgive us!)

Each of us have areas of our lives that are difficult to tell no.  One of my struggles is with food that I know that I should not be eating.  I say this because the food makes me feel sick after I have eaten it or it causes some type of ache in my body.  I have learned that some foods should just be left out of my diet all together.  However, the flesh cries out and wants what it wants but enough is enough! If I am not careful the desire for the food begins to consume me and before you know it, I am eating something that I know that I should not have.  Remember God has given us a Helper and we must call on Him.  (Psalm 46:1)

When a substance (such as food), an object or a person over consumes you it has become your idol or your god.  When the craving is so strong that you can’t say no, it’s out of control.  That thing has more power over you than God ever intended.  It has become your god and the Bible says (Exodus 20:3, Deut. 5:7) You shall have no other gods before me and do not make idols for yourselves.  We must learn to give an appropriate no, enough is enough!  Practice self-denial and tell yourself no!

Lord please help us to give an appropriate NO! With God’s help, we can do it!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

Can you BE STILL?

Are you always on the go, always doing something, always moving around and about? When was the last time that you were still?  I know you it’s very hard for some of us to be be still (including me).  We feel like we can’t be still because there is so much that has to be done.  We say things like, “If I don’t do it then it won’t get done.”  We even feel guilty when we take a break or take the day off to do nothing. Therefore, we are always, busy and never really taking the time to BE STILL.  Well this week I want you to challenge you to BE STILL because God says so! Can you BE STILL?

Not only does God want us to BE STILL, Psalm 46:10 tells us to “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations.  I will be exalted in the earth.”  There is something about being still that causes us to know God better.  Therefore, the enemy wants us to always be busy.  I once heard someone define busy as (Being Under Satan’s Yoke).  He wants us to be so busy with our schedules that we constantly  over book and over do things.  When this happens, there is little or no space for God.

When we don’t practice being still and knowing that He is God, we do  everything in excess such as over scheduling, over eating, over spending and over working not realizing that we are trying to be God. “Over working is a form of unbelief “(Book:  Breathe).When God delivered Israel He commanded them to to have a day of rest. Exodus 20:8 says “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.”  He told them to do all of their work in six days and to remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. This was hard for them because they were so accustomed to working all of the time.  Many were told to rest but since they still had a slave mentality it was hard for them to  obey.   Another word for Sabbath is “Shabbat.”  It means to rest, to cease, to stop.  In other words BE STILL.  Ask God what He would like for you to stop, cease or where he would like you to take a break.

What’s interesting to me is that in both verses we are being told two things.  We are being commanded to BE STILL, REST, STOP and to KNOW THAT HE IS GOD (and not you). Knowing that He is God is  remembering Him, reflecting on His goodness,  being mindful of Him and allowing Him to work out the issues of our lives.  There are so many blessings in store for those who obey this principle.  God wants to show Himself mighty and strong in each our lives but we just need to BE STILL AND KNOW!

Until next week   .  . .

Carolyn

Do You Need a Helper?

You said that you were going to ________ but you haven’t done it yet.  You also said that you were going to stop  _______but you haven’t been able to stop.  Maybe you have a lot on your plate and don’t know how you are going to get it all done.  Soon you have to make a decision but you are not sure about what you should do.  If you can relate to any of these statements, I have good news for you.  There is a Helper who is waiting for you to simply ask.  Do you need a Helper?

John 14:15-18 says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.  And i will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper that He may abide with you forever_the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it nether sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”     

I don’t know about you but I have some things that I want to accomplish, and I know that I can’t do them on my own.  Therefore, I need a  Helper.  As I go from day to day, I need a Helper.  As I raise my children, I need a Helper.  As I serve in ministry, I need a Helper.  As I try to be the best wife, mother and woman that I can be, I need a Helper. When you are a Christian, God gives you His Holy Spirit to comfort, guide, teach and help you forever.  Isn’t that Good news!

 We must remember that God’s Holy Spirit lives inside of us.  The scripture says that He dwells with you and will be in you.  To dwell means to live or stay as a permanent resident.  This means that we have a daily Helper and Counselor to help us accomplish life.  All we have to do is invite Him in to every area, call on Him, ask Him and He will answer.  He is a very present help.  He is waiting for you to simply ask.  He is the best Helper that any of us could have.  He knows everything!

In closing, I want to encourage you to be intentional about asking God’s Holy Spirit for help.  He wants us to invite Him in, acknowledge Him and to simply ask. “Holy Spirit please help me to do . . . ”  The more that we do this, the more successful we will be at accomplishing day to day task, making decisions and living life the way that God would have us to live. Remember, you have a HELPER!

Until next week!

Carolyn

There Are Rewards!

Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing or should I say the righteous thing?  You are single and striving to live right.  You are engaged and trying do the right thing  (waiting to have sex  until after marriage). You are married and trying to treat your spouse right. Maybe you are a parent and trying to raise your children right.  You have a job or work in a ministry and are trying  to do everything right.  Well one can easily get weary while striving to live right but this week I want to encourage you to keep being diligent! Whenever you strive to do the right/righteous thing, there will be challenges but hang in there because there are rewards!

To do the righteous thing is doing what’s right in the eyes of God.  In other words, being in right standing with God. We should constantly ask ourselves, “Would God be pleased with me doing . . .?”  Living righteously should be a goal for every Christian.  The thing that I love about God is that He knows that we can not do right without Him and His Spirit. We can  try, and we may succeed for a little while but then we fail.  God never intended for us to live  righteously without Him.  He wants to be included in every area of your life. Therefore, when you receive Christ as your Savior He places His Holy Spirit in side of  you to help you to live right on a daily basis (John 14:16).  He said He would never leave you nor forsake you.

Today is the 31st day of August and the last day in the book Embracing Excellence (by yours truly).  The focus verse is Proverbs 31:31 which says “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate” (Life Application Bible).  The Proverbs 31 woman reminds us that when we do good,  treat others good, live right and make righteous choices, we will be rewarded.

So to everyone who reads this blog, I want to encourage you to be diligent in whatever God has called you to do.  Be the best husband, wife, daughter, son, sibling or parent that you can be.  Live right and choose righteous actions.  Be diligent at seeking God and getting help from His Holy Spirit.  Hebrews 11:6 tells us that God rewards those who diligently seek Him.  Remember, there are rewards!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

p.s. Please join me on Periscope (Mon, Wed. and Fri.) around 6:00 or 7:00 @CarolynTatem

“What Are You Eating?”

I love myself some good eating!  What about you?  Did you realize that everything that we eat affects us spiritually, physically or mentally?  In some cases the food that we eat affects all three areas.  This is why we need to be careful about what we eat.  God wants us to be in good health (3 John 1:2).  Good health has a lot to do with what we eat and what we do with our body/temple.  This week we will focus on Spiritual, Physical and Mental Fitness.  This has everything to do with relationships because if you are not spiritually, physically and mentally healthy it can create a challenge in many of your relationships.   (I will discuss more about this on Periscope this evening @Carolyntatem)

As we continue to read “Embracing Excellence, A 31 Day Journey through Proverbs 31” today’s focus is on Proverbs 31:17 “She girds herself with strength , and she strengthens her arms.” To gird is to surround, enclose or encircle yourself with strength.  How can we do this?  Glad you asked, it can be done by watching what you eat spiritually, physically and mentally.  Our goal should be to eat things that will strengthen us and produce good health.  Let’s talk about each category, check your eating habits in each category.  What are you eating?

SPIRITUALLY –  If we want to strengthen ourselves spiritually we must  do things that will feed our soul.  One of the best ways to feed your soul is to eat from the Word of God on a daily basis.  We must read, pray, worship and spend regular time with God.  Going to church on a regular is another way to strengthen yourself spiritually.  It’s a blessing to attend a church that provides a good meal (I mean message)  every Sunday.

PHYSICALLY – There are so many ways to  physically strengthen the body.  Three things that we are told over and over are drink plenty of water, eat healthy and exercise.  Sounds simple but challenging.  Hearing it is one thing but doing it is another.     “The food you eat either makes you more healthy or less healthy.” (Ref. Book:  It Starts with Food) Think about this every time you put something into your body/temple.  Foods  have a lot to do with how we feel.  Some foods give us energy to get up and get moving.  Other foods make us sluggish and not want to get out of  bed.  Some foods cause inflammation and cause you to wake up with pain in your joints or swelling.  If you eat too much meat, cheese and other foods, you can clog up your digestive system and experience constipation.  If you are operating with very little energy, inflammation and constipation it will slow you down. Having a habit of eating too much, will cause you to get bigger and bigger and if this is not your goal, you must set some boundaries on your eating. Eating affects how you feel and how you look. Both can impact a relationship.

MENTALLY- What are you feeding your mind?  Outside of the Bible, when was the last time you read a good book, took a class or strengthened your mind?  I know we live in the generation of social media, but I hope that you are  feeding your mind with some good stuff.  What you feed your mind affects you, what you do and the relationships that you are connected to.  If you don’t intentionally feed your mind  with good, bad thoughts  will fight for space in your mind.  The Bible has several verses about our eye gate and ear gate and we must be careful about what we take in because it all affects our mind.

Remember, you only get one body!  Lord please help us to eat healthy so that we can feel great, look great and be in good health.  In Jesus’s Name Amen!

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

ps  Please join me for more discussion on this topic on Periscope (Mon, Wed. & Fri around 6 or 7)

“Are you a woman/man of character?”

“Tall, dark and handsome!”  This is often the description a woman will give for the type of man she wants.  In addition, a man that has a JOB. (lol!)   Now the brothers may say, “I want a woman who is fine as wine and some will add with a good job.”  Both descriptions are mainly focused on the outward appearance.  However, as we embrace excellence for the month of August,  I want to challenge you to add something else to your description list.   Before you get excited about how fine he or she is, find out more about their CHARACTER. 

Proverbs 31:10 says “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Life Application Bible) This verse reminds us that a woman of character is difficult to find.  I believe the same thing applies to men.  Character is a person’s reputation, their moral or ethical quality.  We should ask ourselves, “Does this person have a good reputation?” Before we look for good character in others, let’s check ourselves to make sure that we are women and men of character.

The following is a list of character that we should strive to implement in our daily lives.  (Reference:  www.characterfirst.com, Character Training Institute) They have many character traits listed, however I have selected 20.  The words on the left side are the traits that we should practice and look for within our mate.

1. Alertness vs. Carelessness
2. Attentiveness vs. Distraction
3. Availability vs. Self-centeredness
4. Benevolence vs. Selfishness
5. Boldness vs. Fearfulness
6. Cautiousness vs. Rashness
7. Compassion vs. Indifference
8. Contentment vs. Covetousness
9. Dependability vs. Inconsistency
10. Punctuality vs. Tardiness
11. Orderliness vs. Confusion
12. Obedience vs. Willfulness
13. Wisdom vs. Foolishness
14. Thriftiness vs. Extravagance
15. Self-Control vs. Self-Indulgence
16. Truthfulness vs. Deception
17. Virtue vs. Impurity
18. Sincerity vs. hypocrisy
19. Responsibility vs. Unreliability
20. Patience vs. Restlessness

If you struggle in any of these categories, don’t worry.   Jesus Christ is the best CHARACTER FIXER. He specializes in making us over and developing women and men of character.  All you have to do is get close to Him through prayer, worship, reading God’s Word and  applying it to your life. The closer we get to Him, the more we can be good women/men of character. Lord make us over!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

ps:  I will talk more about this on my scope (M, Wed and Fri. around 6 or 7) follow @CarolynTatem.

“Wait until it pleases!”

Wait until it pleases!  Most people know that God created sex for marriage, however so many singles are choosing not to wait.  Waiting has it challenges but the rewards and blessings far out way the challenges.  Not waiting may bring physical satisfaction for the moment but it also brings challenges and consequences that  no one wants to discuss.  There is a reason that we are instructed to wait until it pleases three times in Song of Songs (Song of Songs 2:7, 3:15, 8:4).  Is there anyone listening?

Sex before marriage does not please God.  Sex within marriage is what pleases God.  If your goal is to do what pleases God and you are not married, your instructions from God is to WAIT!  Since this is God’s will, He will help you and keep you if you desire to be obedient.  I am a witness!   If you are married, you should be enjoying every opportunity that you get to be intimate with your spouse.  Both instructions sound so simple but can be difficult to carry out.

Whenever we choose to do life our way and not God’s way, we will suffer with the consequences.  One of the consequences of not waiting is that it messes with your strength (your mind).  Proverbs 31:3 says do not spend your strength on women . . . Pre-marital sex pulls on your mental power, mental energy and your physical energy. In other words, you can’t focus on what God really wants you to focus on because your mind is so tied up in that man or woman who isn’t your spouse.  When multiple partners are involved its even worse,  your mind is so affected that you become weak.  This is why the mother in Proverbs 31 advises her son King Lemuel not to give up his strength to women. This is a word for all singles (male and female). For the married couples, I encourage you to  enjoy sex as often as possible!  A frequent, healthy and holy sex life has many benefits. Each time that a husband and a wife physically come together, it pleases God, strengthens and unites a couple as one.

Would you like to continue discussing this topic?  For the month of August I will be blogging and using Periscope (@Carolyntatem) to discuss topics in my latest book, “Embracing Excellence” (A 31-Day Journey through Proverbs 31).  It’s perfect for men, women and our teens.  You can learn more about it or purchase it on Amazon.com or carolyntatem.com.  Today’s topic (Day 3) is titled “Don’t Give Up Your Strength.”  This topic goes hand and hand with the message of waiting until it pleases.  Feel free to tune in to the scope this evening (Monday, Wednesday and Friday around 6/7 PM).

Until next week   . . .

Carolyn