Marriage from A to Z

“Are You Fasting or Dieting?”

My 12 year son made a statement that has helped my husband and I in fasting. He said, “If you just stop eating certain foods and don’t spend any time with God that’s a diet. A fast is when you stop eating certain foods and spend more time with God.” In other words, there must be a combination of abstaining and spending more time with God.  I thought wow!  I really needed that reminder, because I have been guilty of putting too much emphasis on abstaining from certain foods and not enough emphasis on prayer.

Every year our family starts the new year by participating in a fast. Everyone makes a decision on what they will abstain from, and we hold each other accountable.  It has been a blessing to our marriage, family and to our physical bodies. As we pray and fast, God has given us direction, wisdom, broken strongholds and given us insight for the new year. When we spend time getting closer to God it makes a difference in everything.  There is something about fasting that helps us to hear God more clearly.  In fact, Matthew 17:21 says some things only happen through prayer and fasting. This scripture encourages me to fast, because I don’t want to miss out on anything that God has for me simply because I didn’t fast. I picture a special box with blessings that God has in store for those who are willing to deny their flesh in order to draw closer to Him.

If you are going through something in your marriage, with your children, or having any issue and you desire to get closer to God, try fasting and praying about the situation. Pray about what you should abstain from and the length of time. Normally, it’s something that you enjoy otherwise, it would not be a sacrifice.  If possible, connect with a friend or someone who will hold you accountable. Fasting is a spiritual discipline, and it is wonderful when you stay close to God every step of the way.  We can stay close through prayer, reading God’s Word and worship as often as you can.  God will change the situation, He will change you and sometimes He will do both.

Although we start the month of January with a fast, fasting can be done at anytime. I recommend incorporating it into your weekly schedule and picking one day a week to pray and fast for your marriage, family and your children.  If you are already participating in a fast, be encouraged to stick with it until the end. Resist the temptation to break your commitment to God. Remember that as you fast, the goal is to be more hungry for God than food.  Fasting and praying is powerful!

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

“What Are You Willing to Do Differently?”

          “I am sick and tired of going through or doing the same thing over and over.”  “I am going to start working out.”  “I want to lose 10 pounds.” “I want to see a change!”  Does any of the statements sound familiar?  Whenever we enter a new year, most people start thinking about changes that they would like to make. However, if we want to see something different, we must be willing to do something different.  This week, I want to encourage you to think about something in you, your marriage or your daily routine that you would like to see changed.  Think about it and ask yourself, “What can I do differently?”  Often times, we see changes that others need to make but don’t see the changes that we need to make.

     Last week our church had a revival.  Co-Pastor Dr. Susie Owens encouraged us all to “Make Adjustments!”  Making adjustments means doing something different.  She reminded us that we may have to come out of our comfort zone to make an adjustment.  It may be something as simple as sitting in a different seat at church.  Sitting in a different seat may help you to have a different view, meet someone different and may provide you with a connection that you have been waiting for or allow you to learn something new.  Our brains are stimulated when we try something new, do something different or learn new information.

     I was tested on this as soon as I left church.  I was leaving the parking lot and the parking attendant instructed me to go a direction that I have never gone before.  I wanted to go out my usual way, but he instructed me to go in a different direction.  I went reluctantly but found that it was a new route and that it would also take me to my destination.   Many times when we are instructed  to try something new or to go a different route, we hesitate, complain, or resist the change.  However, if we could learn to embrace doing something different, it might be the answer to a prayer.

     Some of you want to see changes in your marriage, your finances, your career, your health or in your home.  What are you willing to do differently?  Think of one or two things that you can do differently, and be consistent. Find an accountability partner who will commit to helping you or one who has the same goal.  Pray and ask God for strength each day to do something different.  Remember, prayer changes things and prayer changes people. Do something different today!

Here are some suggestions specifically for marriage:

Wear something different to bed, cook something different, go out on a date to a different place, try a different hair style or do something different together. Enjoy!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“How Would You Like to Be Remembered?”

       Happy New Year everyone!  This past Sunday, Stuart Scott a long time sportscaster and anchor at ESPN died from a long time battle with cancer at the age of 49.  I didn’t know him, but since my husband is into sports, I would see him and listen to him on ESPN from time to time.  After his death was announced, my husband listened to many of his friends and co-workers talk about Stuart’s life and what they remembered about him. The story brought tears to my eyes.   I know you may not be planning to leave earth anytime soon, but one thing is for sure, we ALL have to leave.  The question that I would like for you to think about and answer is:  “How Would You Like to Be Remembered?”

I want to challenge you to be intentional about living today the way that you want to be remembered.  If you were to leave earth today,  would your husband/wife, daughter/son, sister/brother, mother/father, friend/co-worker, significant other/fiance be able to speak well of you?  Does your behavior line up with the words that you say?  Some times we say that we love people but our actions speak differently.

One of the things that I read about Stuart Scott is that he was divorced and had joint custody of his two teenaged daughters. Everyone knew that he was devoted to his daughters, and that he loved them by the way that he treated them. He always talked about them. Many believe that he fought cancer as long as he did, because he wanted to be around for his girls.  He didn’t want them to grow up without a father.  If you are reading this and are a parent, it means that you are still here.  You have an opportunity that Stuart no longer has.  What can you start doing or continue to do that will cause others to remember you in a significant way?  God has allowed us to live to see 2015 for a reason.  Think about how you would like to be remembered everyday, and think of things that you can do EACH DAY to make this memory a reality.

There are so many ways that I would like to be remembered.  First, I want to be remembered by God as one who loved Him and remained faithful.  Second, I pray that my family and friends will be able to honestly speak well of me.  Third, I would like to be remembered  for giving my time to people, writing, teaching the Word of God and the principles of God so that others can have a closer walk with God (especially women), have better marriages and families.   How would you like to be remembered?  Think about it, write it down and be intentional about doing what needs to be done.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Do You Take Your Marriage to Church?”

Once you say, “I do” at the altar, there are many different things that can happen to make you say, “I don’t.” As the year ends there are many marriages that are struggling, some may make it into 2015 together and some may not. One of the things that my husband and I have done (ever since we married 16 years ago) to help us stay together is, “Take Our Marriage to Church Every Week.”

Taking our marriage to church has helped us and taught us “How to . . .”
1.  Pray together
2.  Love each other
3.  Treat each other with respect
4.  Forgive each other
5.  Raise our children
6.  Please God and make godly decisions
7.  Serve God, each other and others
8.  Be faithful to God and to each other
9.  Speak positively to each other
10 Stay together

When I say church, I am referring to the physical building or house of the Lord. Church is where the Word of God is being taught, souls are being saved and lives are being transformed.  My pastor often says, “the church is a hospital for all kinds of people.” I encourage you to present your marriage to God by going to church consistently.

John 10:10 says that the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy and that applies to you, your marriage and your family.  One of the things that the enemy seems to be successful at is killing the desire for couples to attend church together and on a consistent basis.  When a husband and a wife stop going to God’s house and they are physically able to attend or start missing more than they attend, the marriage will suffer. God never intended for us to do marriage without Him. When one regularly attends church while the other one stays at home, this is a recipe for division.

Marriage is God’s institution and the church is God’s house, together you can have a winning combination. As we end 2014 and enter 2015, I want to encourage you to take your marriage to church every Sunday. There is help, healing and hope in God’s house. Everything that you need to help you create a happy and healthy marriage is in God’s house.  Don’t let the enemy talk you out of going to church together.  Hebrews 10:25 says let us not forsake assembling ourselves together. It is so important that you take your marriage to church and apply what you learn to your marriage.

To all of the singles, if going to God’s house is important to you, make sure that it is important to your significant other BEFORE you marry them.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

How to Have a Merry Christmas

     Can you believe it?  Christmas will be here in a couple of days.  For some, this is the most wonderful time of the year! For others, this is the most challenging time of the year. Especially, if you have lost a loved one or having a difficult time.   No matter what your situation may be, I want to encourage you to make your Christmas Merry!  The following is how you can have a “Merry Christmas!”

C = Celebrate Christ!  (To celebrate is to observe or commemorate with ceremonies or festivities) Here are a couple of things that I do to celebrate Christ.  Go to a Christmas Service, Christmas Party or Christmas Play, observe the Christmas lights and remember that Jesus is the Light of the World.  Sing and listen to Christmas Carols.  Send out Christmas cards.

H = Have Hospitality! (Hospitality is defined as the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers)  Have people over to your home or go visit others. Practice being friendly, warm and generous.

R = Reflect and Remember!  (Think about ALL that God has done this year!) Praise God for His goodness, mercy, protection, provision and blessings toward you and your family)  Read God’s Word and recall what He did before and what He will do again. Reflect on the fact that Jesus sent His son to save the world!

I = Imitate Christ! (To imitate is to follow as a model)  Jesus Christ is our model.  Act in such a way that brings glory and honor to God.  Treat others with love, kindness and gentleness especially, those who are a challenge to love.

S = Share Something!  Share a meal, share gifts, share the love of Christ with someone who may not know Him.  Share your home or your time with someone.  Share an encouraging word with someone who is going through a challenging time.

T = Take Time to Talk!  Pick up the phone and call someone who you have not spoken to in a long time.  See how they are doing, reconnect.

M = Make Merry Memories!  (Our memories are the things that we have retained) Do something fun and take pictures!  If you have lost a love one reflect on the memories in a good way.  Thank God for the memories!

A = Appreciate Life! Yesterday I attended two funerals in one day. I was reminded of how much of a blessing it is to be alive!  Thank God for your life! The fact that you are still here means God has a purpose and a plan for your life.

S = Sabbath Time! Take some time to rest and refuel your body!  Be still and know that He is God!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

ps  If you would like to automatically receive this message please click on follow and type in your email address. Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas!

“Take Inventory”

    A few days ago I was helping my son clean out his closet, and we discovered 2 nice shirts that he forgot that he had. One of the shirts was in the back of his closet and still had the price tag.  The other shirt was hanging underneath of a jacket. Since the shirt was hidden, he didn’t know that it was there.  I was excited because both are shirts that he likes, he can still fit them, and they are perfect for the winter.  This experience reminded me that often times we already have what we need. We may not realize it because we can’t see it or because, it is hidden.  Think about this in the natural and in the spirit.   As we prepare to end this year, I want to encourage you to  “Take Inventory!”

    What does it mean to “Take Inventory?”  I am glad that you asked.  It means taking a look at what you “already” have. Are you well stocked? Check your closets, pantry, drawers, cabinets etc.  Look for items that are still good, check expiration dates and see if there are any expired items.  Check to see if there is anything that you no longer wear and can’t fit. Perhaps someone can be blessed by these items.   Get rid of over crowded and cluttered areas in your home.  Often times we are holding on to things for future use and someone could be using them.  Being able to clear some space in your pantry, closet or on a shelf is a great way to start the new year. Taking inventory can save you some time, money and be a blessing to any relationship.  When you can clearly see and know exactly what you have, you can avoid making purchases for things that you don’t need.

     Although this is something that we can easily do in the natural, I also want to encourage you to do this in the spiritual. Take a look at all that God has already given to you.  He has given you skills, talents and gifts that were meant for you to share and bless others.   Some times we don’t use our gifts because we forget that we have them or because they are hidden and need to be revealed.  What has God already given to you that you are not using?  Pray and ask God to reveal it and to show you where you need to “Take Inventory!”

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Who are you?

One of the best things you can do before getting into a relationship is to learn as much as you can about yourself. Accept the things that you can not change and make changes where necessary. If you are married you can be a better mate when you know yourself and then learn to be happy with you. If you are not happy as an individual, chances are you will not be happy in a marriage.

When learning yourself, be sure to know your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Ask the following questions: What issues do you have with you? Do you have any issues with your family? How were you raised and what are some of the things you were exposed to? How has the way that you were raised affected you? Sometimes the way that we were raised has helped us and sometimes it has hurt us. Be honest with yourself and when it is time for a relationship, be honest with your mate.

For singles: It is so important to spend time getting to know someone before marriage. You need time to collect data and to make a wise choice. Although no one is perfect, you need to be sure that the person is perfect for you.

For married people: Accept who you are and the mate that you have chosen. When you start seeing things that you don’t like, commit to praying daily for your spouse. Seek God and regardless of what your mate is doing, be the best “You” that you can be.

Until next week . . .

When Is Enough, Enough?

     Yesterday my kids and I were traveling and started getting hungry for lunch.  At the time, we were not close to any restaurants.  I remembered that I had a big bag of Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn packed in my bag (yummy).  I took out the popcorn, the kids and I went for it.  Each one of us were taking turns eating the popcorn to hold us over until we could get lunch.  In my mind, I could eat until the entire bag of popcorn was gone however, I was sharing (smile).  After having several hands of popcorn, I knew that I had enough, but I just didn’t want to stop.  I kept on eating.  My son did the same.  All of sudden my daughter says, “I am done, I have had Enough, I have Self-Control.” I looked at her and thought, “Why did you have to say that?”  Her comment hit me like a ton of bricks, because I am working on SELF-CONTROL.  Especially when it comes to eating and things that I know I have in abundance.  Although I want to ignore this question, I keep hearing, “When is Enough, Enough?”  So this week I want to share the question with you.

The problem with what I said is that, “I knew that I had enough, but I just didn’t want to stop.” Enough is defined as an adequate quantity or number, sufficiency.  When you know that you have had enough of something, it is time to display some “Self-Control.”  Did you know that Self-Control is one of the Fruits of the Spirit?  Often we hear about displaying love, joy, peace, patience and kindness but at the end of the list in Galatians 5:22-23 is “Self-Control.”  The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is the result of the Holy Spirit’s presence in the life of a Christian.  So when we are in situations when “Enough is Enough” we must learn to pause, and call on God to help us to STOP.

When we don’t stop after having enough, usually some type of damage will be done.   We will over eat, over spend our time, money and end up having to pay for over indulgence.  Over indulgence will mess up your body, your health, your finances, your relationship and with some things, it creates clutter. Sometimes we allow things to have too much control over us. When the food, electronics, Internet, purse, clothes, shoes or whatever it is begins to call your name, you have got to ask your self, “Do I have enough?”

So this week I challenge you to take a look at your life.  Is there an area where you need to say “Enough is Enough!”  Pray for self-control and allow God to work this fruit in your life.  If this is not the Fruit of the Spirit that you have to work on, please take a moment to pray for a spirit of Self-Control on your family and friends who are struggling in this area.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“How Do You Have a Happy Thanksgiving?”

      Every day this week, every where you go, people are saying; “Have a Happy Thanksgiving!”  Let’s take a few minutes to think about how we can really have a Happy Thanksgiving!  Let’s not let the day go by as just another day.  No matter what you are going through right now, you can have a Happy Thanksgiving!  I want to encourage you to take the THANKS prescription.

1. T =  Take Time to Give God Thanks. Thank Him for your family, spouse, children, friends, your job, a place to stay, transportation,  food to eat and clothes on your back.  The list goes on and on. Be intentional about giving God thanks.  You can pray, sing, go to a Thanksgiving service or simply take time to verbally thank God for ALL that He has done and is doing.
2. H =  Be Hospitable and Give Some Hugs. To be hospitable means to receive or treat guests or strangers warmly and generously.  Open up your home, prepare or purchase a meal and be hospitable.  If you are going to someone else’s home, be hospitable.  Take time to give some Hugs this holiday.  A warm hug and hold can make a person’s day.  Hug and hold your loved ones.  Don’t be afraid to embrace! If you are a part of a family that does not hug, start a new tradition.
3. A = Adopt an Attitude of Gratitude.  Your attitude is your state of mind, your thoughts or feelings about something.  I want to encourage you to keep your mind on the Lord, how good He is and How he has allowed you to see another year.  Isaiah 26:3 says God will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him.  Stop thinking about what you don’t have and think about ALL that you do have.
4. N = NO NEGATIVE THINKING.  Negative thinking can ruin any day.
5.  K = Be Kind to Everyone.  To be kind is to be considerate, helpful, gentle, compassionate, sympathetic towards others.  It’s easy to be kind to those who are kind to you.  The challenge is to be kind to those family members and friends who are not so kind to you.  God gets the glory when we show kindness to everyone!
6. S = Smile and Share What You Have.  A smile can make a person’s day.  Think about a way to share something that you have.  Be a blessing to someone. Serve where you can.  Acts 20:35 says that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Will You Be Faithful?”

     I think everyone should ask themselves, “Will I be faithful?”  before they start talking about marriage.  To be faithful means that you are loyal, constant, reliable, that you will be true to your word, promises and the vows that you make. I know this sounds like a lot but with God’s help we can all be faithful to the vows and the commitment that we made to God and to our spouse.  This week, I simply want to encourage you to REMAIN faithful!  Be faithful to God and the things of God.  if you are married/have children,  be faithful to your spouse  and to your family.

     First, we must be faithful because God is faithful!  He has promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us.  He is faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him.  He loves us unconditionally.  When we can’t depend on anyone else, we can depend on God.  God’s love is constant and consistent, His love never fails!  When we have a relationship with God we should become imitators of Him.  This means that we should love the way that God loves.  I Corinthians 13 is the love chapter and teaches us how we should love.

     Secondly, we must be faithful in marriage.  Many get married and have never been taught the significance of being faithful.  As a result, there are so many broken hearts which have lead to broken marriages and often to divorce.  Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) says “Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.”   For all of the singles, if you are not going to be faithful, don’t get married.  When you are dating, you should observe the persons track record.  Have they been in and out of relationships?  Are they faithful to God?  Have you even discussed being faithful? The pain behind unfaithfulness is far too great, it’s much easier to remain faithful.  When someone is unfaithful, it hurts everyone.  You are damaged because you broke a covenant, your spouse is damaged because you broke a covenant and if there are children involved, they will also feel the pain.  If this is the case, God is able to heal and restore, but why go through all of this when you can REMAIN faithful.

     Thirdly, we must be faithful in our daily actions.  Now you might not be unfaithful by choosing to lay down with someone other than your spouse, but check all of your actions because sometimes the enemy will get us to do little things that lead to big things.  If you have to sneak to call someone, sneak to text someone, sneak to go out with someone or you are communicating with someone of the opposite sex on Facebook or the phone, this is usually not a good sign. One thing will lead to another and before you know it, you are being unfaithful.  These actions can easily lead to you being faithful or loyal to someone other than your spouse.

     Will you be faithful?  God is calling us to REMAIN faithful to Him, and faithful to one another in marriage.  With God’s help, you can do it.  There are blessings in being faithful until the end!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn