Marriage from A to Z

What Are You Embracing?

To EMBRACE is  . . .
To take in with your eye or mind.
To encircle, surround; enclose.
To take or receive gladly or willingly.
To avail (to be of use) oneself of.
Something regarded as a deity (god) in your life.

    One of the most popular schemes that the enemy uses against us is to get us to EMBRACE something or someone who pulls us away from drawing closer to God, the things of God or the people of God.  I have found this to be true especially in working with women.
The enemy sees her on the road of success in her walk with God, her career and striving to do the right things. All of a sudden, he places a man in the picture. He looks good, talks good and says the right things to grab her interest. She EMBRACES him, and her world begins to change for the negative. She slowly begins to stop doing some of the positive things that she was doing.  This may mean that she doesn’t attend church as much, she may not spend time with her family as much, she use to spend more time seeking God, but the relationship that she has embraced has pulled her further away from the things of God and the people of God. Sometimes this man will express an interest in the things of God only to fool you. You can usually tell how genuine he is about God by his day to day conversation, his choices and his behaviors. Unfortunately, If a woman really wants to be in a relationship with someone or really wants to be married, she will fall for this guy. I have seen this happen too many times. Ladies and gents we must stop embracing men, women or anything that will lead us into sin or take us away from God and the things of God.  Our goal should be to embrace relationships and things that  will enhance our relationship with God, dreams, goals and not hinder it. If you marry a person like the one I described, it will create difficulties and tribulation that could have been avoided. Remember when people show you who they are believe them (Maya Angelo). Don’t think it will change if you marry this person.

      I have asked myself what am I embracing that causes me to fall into sin? This is a word for me because I have allowed the enemy to place negative thoughts in my mind that I have embraced.  These thoughts create fear, doubt, unbelief and this is sin. You see if the enemy gets us to embrace something negative in our minds, he can put us in a bad place. What I have learned to do is to find a scripture to replace the negative thought. I say the scripture each time the enemy tries to get me to embrace something negative.  The word of God is powerful!

     In Ezekiel 14:3 the scripture says “Son of man these leaders have set up idols in their hearts. They have embraced things that will make them fall into sin.” (NLT) God revealed to Ezekiel that this group of leaders were double-minded men. Outwardly, they came to seek a word from God through the prophet but in their hearts they were embracing other gods.

     So this week I want to encourage you to evaluate your life, your mind and your heart and check out what you are embracing. Is there anything there that causes you to fall into sin? If so, surrender it to God, ask God to forgive you and do what’s necessary to turn away from whatever or whoever it is.  Embrace those things that are good, healthy and that bring you closer to God.

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

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“Another Year!”

         Some celebrate BIG, some celebrate small and believe it or not, some don’t celebrate their birthday at all.  One of the things that we each have in common is a birthday.  Our birthday comes around yearly and each time that we live to see another year, it is worth celebrating.   If God be willing, I will celebrate my birthday in two days. As the day approaches, I have been thinking about  the blessings of a birthday.  Maybe you have already had a birthday for the year or your birthday is on the way, I want to encourage you to think of the C’s of a birthday.

     A birthday is a time to celebrate and commemorate what God has done and going to do in your life. Think about all that God has provided, how He has protected you throughout the year and regardless of what has happened, you are still here. A birthday is a time to remember that God has a purpose and a plan for your life. He is not finished with you therefore, He has given you another year.  Use your time wisely and try to accomplish as much as you can during the year.

     A birthday is a time to check your self and see what you have accomplished and what you would like to get done.  Last year on my birthday, I made a commitment to read through the Bible in a year. I am ashamed to say that I have started many different Bible reading plans but never fully completed them.  However, this time I got some accountability, and I am so excited that in a few days, I would have accomplished this goal.   Think about something that you would like to accomplish and give yourself until your next birthday to get it done.

    Lastly, a birthday is a time to connect.  Connect with God, yourself and if possible the ones you love.  God loves when we make Him our number one priority. (Matthew 6:33) Take time to pray, read God’s Word and draw closer to God on your birthday.   When you connect with yourself, take time to evaluate how you are doing as a person.  Do you need to slow down, get some rest, pamper yourself, have some fun or just take a break. If possible, connect with friends, family and/or the one you love.  Remember that tomorrow is not promised so, we must make the best out of each birthday that we get to see!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“Relationship Pain?”

I’ve got pain, you’ve got pain, all of God’s children have some relationship pain!  God is a relational God and therefore, He created us to be in relationships. We have relationships with our spouse, our children, our siblings, our parents, our friends and others.  I believe that we learn some of our greatest lessons through being in relationships.  Some times relationships are good, healthy and bring us a lot of joy.  On the other hand, there are times when relationships are challenging and can bring us some pain.  I know it’s not something that we like to talk about, but it’s real, and we need to know how to deal with our pain.

Relationship pain takes place when there is rejection, mistreatment, lack of communication, unfaithfulness, abandonment, abuse, death, and the list goes on and on.  The bottom line is that something was done or said to hurt you badly and it causes some pain.   Pain is defined as mental, emotional or physical suffering, torment or distress. Often times, the closer the person is to you, the greater the pain.  When we experience pain, we have to decide what our next step will be.  You may have to get counseling and there is nothing wrong with getting help. However, you will have to make some decisions.  Will you forgive? Will you continue in the relationship?  How will you function with the pain?

So what do you do when you are in a relationship that is causing you some pain? This week I want to share a prescription for pain that has helped me, and I hope that it will help you or someone you know.

P = Pray to God and ask for strength to get through the pain.  Pray that you will be able to forgive and function. Communicate with God frequently.  You can’t just pray one or two times, you have got to return to God over and over.

A = Accept the fact that God allowed it to happen.  God has a purpose and a plan for our pain. Our pain should draw us closer to God, don’t allow the enemy to turn you away from God in the midst of your pain.  Often times your pain becomes the very avenue to help others.  “God will use your misery to be become your ministry.” Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for the good to those who love God.

I = Imitate Christ in the midst of pain.  Ask  yourself the question, “What would Jesus do?”  Spend time reading His Word to get strength and direction. His Word teaches us how to live godly.  Jesus teaches us to forgive, remember when He was being crucified, He said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Sometimes the people who cause us pain don’t know what they are doing.

N = Numbness, to become numb means to be deprived of physical sensation.  If every time we think of the pain, we break down, we have got to become numb.  When you become numb to the pain, you can function well without breaking down. This means getting to the point where it doesn’t bother you.  Sometimes we do well in this area and then something else is done or said to make the pain resurface.  When this happens we have to take this prescription again, just like when you get sick and take medicine, when the medicine wears off, you have to take it again. In addition, N = NEVER GIVE UP! 

Be encouraged and know that this is only a prescription for pain.  Doctor Jesus is the ultimate comforter and healer of whatever you may be going through. Nothing is too hard for Him!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Is Your Conscience Clear?

     Have you ever said something or did something and later felt like you shouldn’t have?  Maybe you knew it was wrong, but you did it anyway.  Often times when this happens, your conscience sends you a warning to let you know that something is wrong.  This week I want to encourage you to check out your conscience and make sure it is clear and in good standing.

     The conscience is defined as the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives.  Some even refer to the conscience as our internal warning system.  Whenever our conduct is not right, our conscience sends us a warning and says don’t do that or don’t say that or don’t go there.  We have a choice to listen or ignore our conscience.  For those of us who are Christians, in addition to our conscience, we have the Holy Spirit living in us.  So, not only do we get a warning when we do wrong, we also get guidance on the correct decision to make.  The Holy Spirit is our guide and teacher.  He will lead us into all truth and He gives us power to make the right choices (John 16:13).  The more we know about God’s Word the stronger our conscience will be.

     Did you know that God gave each of us a conscience?  He wants us to live in such a way that our conscience is clear. Acts 24:16 says “I always try to maintain a clear conscience before God and man.” One of the criteria’s for a servant of God is that they must live with a clear conscience (I Timothy 3:9).  This should also be our goal. Each of us has to answer to God for our actions.  Let’s take a look at our relationships (with your spouse, children, in-laws, friends, co-workers etc.)   What is God saying?  Is your conscience clear?  If not, what can you do to make it clear? Perhaps you need to ask for forgiveness or give forgiveness, change your ways, or correct something that is wrong.  I am so thankful that God thought enough of us to give us a conscience to warn us, and then He gave us His Spirit to lead and guide us.  All we have to do is follow!

Until next week,

Carolyn

“Saying Hello and Goodbye”

     When you or your spouse is leaving the house for the day, how do you say goodbye? Some people say they don’t like to say goodbye, but the question I am asking is what do you do when you leave each other’s presence for the day, the weekend or however long the time?   If  you are at home and your spouse arrives, how do you say hello? This week I want to challenge you to be intentional about giving a proper hello and proper goodbye (or see your later) to your spouse.

     I remember learning in pre-marital counseling that whenever your husband (or wife) enters the home you should stop what you are doing and greet him.  I was told if you are on the phone, get off the phone, and acknowledge that your queen or king has arrived. Greet with a smile, a nice hello, a hug, a kiss or all of the above. Greet in such a way that you make your husband/wife feel so good when you see them. After all, it is only because of God’s grace that we get to leave and make it back home safely.  We were encouraged to always make our hello and goodbye pleasant.   Your spouse should be the most important human in your life, give him/her the proper greeting whenever the Lord allows you to come into their presence one more time. It should be a mini celebration! (smile)

     So let’s not take leaving and entering our spouse’s presence for granted. It’s so easy to forget this principle, but what if this is your last time?  Take a moment to think about this each time that you are walking out the door, getting out of a car or leaving your spouse’s presence.  No matter what you are doing when your spouse gets ready to leave or enter, take a second to go and give the proper hello/goodbye. Give your spouse a kiss and a hug so nice that they can’t wait to get back to you!  (smile)  If you are not married, this principle can also be applied with your children, other family members and friends.  Always leave and enter on a pleasant note!

Until next week . . . .

Carolyn

“Change Your Clothes!”

     It’s that time of the year where we are looking in the closet trying to decide what to wear.  I love dressing and putting together different colors, shoes, accessories and outfits.  However, now that the season is changing, we have to change our wardrobe.  We are taking our lighter clothes and replacing them for heavier clothes.  Our sandals and flip flops are being moved and replaced by our boots and closed in shoes.  Some of our clothes can be worn all year round and there is no need to change.  Let’s look at this from a spiritual view.

     As we change our wardrobe, I want to encourage you to dress in the wardrobe that God has picked out for you. Colossians 3:12-17 from the Message Bible says it so nicely: “So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you:  compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense.  Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.  And regardless of what else you put on, WEAR LOVE.  It’s your basic all-purpose garment.  Never be without it.”

     Sometimes we are so particular about the clothes that we are wearing on the outside, but give little or no attention to the clothes that God wants us to put on.  Another version of the Bible tells us to put on mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, forgiveness and discipline.  Since the scripture tells us to put on these things, I have to conclude that if we are not intentional about putting them on, we end up wearing something else.

     Imagine what our marriages and relationships would be like if we all put on God’s wardrobe.  Let’s wear what God has picked out for us in our church, at home, on the job and every where we go.  God’s wardrobe is different from what we tend to put on.  Check your outfit, and see if it matches what God has picked out for you.  If not, “Change Your Clothes!”

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

What Kind of Life Do You Want?

     Most of us have an idea or a dream about the life that we want. However, making it a reality is the challenge!  Last weekend, I had the pleasure of experiencing Oprah’s The Life You Want Weekend and it was wonderful!  Seeing Oprah Winfrey in person and hearing her share her personal testimony of how God has worked in her life was a blessing.  Oprah spoke on Friday night and on Saturday there were multiple speakers.

      The over all message that I kept hearing is that you must be spiritually connected to hear and be clear on the assignment that God has for you.   Being closely connected with God helps us to know what God wants us to do, and He empowers us to do it!  Oprah quoted Psalm 46:1 which says “Be still, and know that I am God.”  She encouraged everyone to learn to be still, commune with God, and then you will know what He wants you to do.  You don’t have to keep asking people about what you should do, be still and you will know.  Stillness and meditating on God’s Word is the best way to know the next move. God speaks, and we must be willing to be still and listen.

    There were so many great nuggets of encourage to inspire everyone to do what God has placed in your heart.  This week I just want to share a few of my notes from the weekend.  I hope that they will bless you the way that they blessed me.

Here are a few notes that I wrote down while Oprah was speaking:

1.  Make replenishing yourself a priority.  Learn to fill yourself so that you can be ready to give to others.
2. You are never alone when you love being with yourself.
3. Use your life as a platform for service.
4. Your greatest power is to show love, give love and feel love.
5. Take time to affirm others.  People are always looking for validation.  “Did I do a good job?”
6. For every action, there is a reaction.  The energy that you put out is coming back to you.
7. You are co creating your life all of the time.
8. Whatever you put out is automatically coming back to you. (This is the sow and reap principle)
9. Your life is being shaped by what you believe, not by what you wish.
10. If you are still breathing, you have a second chance.  Don’t get stuck on past mistakes.
11. After you have done all that you can, stand and surrender to God!
12. The easiest way to change your vibration is to have gratitude.  Keep your vibration strong!
13. There is no life without acknowledging your spiritual life because you are a spiritual being with a soul.
14. Whatever you are going through is going to help you to get through.
15. Everything that has ever happened TO you has happened FOR you.  Nothing that has happened to you will be wasted.

In conclusion, everyone was inspired to go to the next level!  Work on your relationship with God and with yourself. Find ways to serve others.  Take care of yourself spiritually and physically.  Take actions to get  the life you want.  Take actions to get the body you want.  Finally, I want to encourage all the married people to take daily actions to get the marriage you want!  For if God be for you, who can be against you! (Romans 8:31)

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

“The Blessing of Your Presence”

     Last Friday one of my husband’s family members (Paul) got married in New Rochelle, New York. It was a beautiful wedding!   My husband comes from a large family of seven.  One brother lives in Richmond, two live in Maryland and the rest of the family lives in Heathsville, Virginia.  Everyone was about 4-7 hours away from where the wedding was being held, but they stopped their regular Friday plans to travel to New York and bless Paul with their presence.  It was a beautiful sight to see.  Paul was presently surprised and blessed by every one being present!

     This week I want to encourage you to be intentional about blessing people with your presence.  When you get opportunities to bless someone by being there for them, be there!  Life is too short and you don’t want to have any regrets. Sometimes being present means changing your entire schedule around or not doing something that you want to do in order to bless someone with your presence.

     Today, it seems that everyone is busy.  However, it speaks volumes when people take the time to bless you with their presence.  Going to the hospital, showing up at a game, birthday celebration or a funeral is another way of saying that you care.  Your presence is special and can speak louder any words.  Practice being a blessing with your presence!  Especially to those who are closest to you such as;  your spouse, children, grandchildren, family and friends.  Each time that you are present  you are leaving a good legacy behind.  Can you think of events and times in your life when God allowed someone to be there for you?   Those are times that you will never forget.  Think about it, how do you want to be remembered?

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“A Secret to Staying Together”

      Most people have heard the slogan, “A family that prays together, stays together!”  But how many have put this into action? Prayer is simply communicating with the Almighty God, Our Creator, Our Sustainer, Our Provider, Our Protector and Our Healer. Can we really afford to let a day go by without communicating with Him?

     It is one thing to pray individually, but when a husband and wife come together to pray there is greater power!  Matthew 18:20 says “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”  Since the enemy knows that there is so much power in a husband and wife praying together, he does everything within his power to stop them.  Some of his tactics are causing a disagreement or argument that gets you so mad that  you don’t want to come together.  Be not ignorant of his devices.  This is a time to press on and pray anyway.  I have experienced being upset with my husband before prayer and felt so much better after the prayer. Praying as a couple on a regular basis  is a sure way to present your marriage, family and every issue that you have  to God. He can handle it!  Praying together every day invites the presence of God into your daily marriage.  It releases burdens and reminds us that God is in control.

     I want to encourage every couple and every family that reads this blog to PRAY TOGETHER!  You can pray in the morning or pray at night just pick a time and be consistent.  It doesn’t have to be long, you can pray for 1 minute, 5 minutes or however much time you have.  The length of time is not important, just be sure that you get it in everyday.    Don’t make any excuses. Prayer works, prayer changes things, prayer changes hearts and prayer is the glue that holds a marriage together.   When a husband and wife pray together it builds intimacy, encourages unity, strengthens the relationship and creates a bond that no man can break.   Include God in your marriage every day and you will begin to see wonder things happen!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Are You Willing to Go Deeper?”

     Take a moment to evaluate your love for God, your spouse, your family and your friends.  Is your love rooted deep like the roots of this tree or is it only on the surface?  We live in a world where very few people want to go deeper.  We say that we love and are in love, but as soon as something happens we are ready to quit.  However, God doesn’t want us to quit, He wants us to be deeply rooted in Him.

    So what does it mean to be deep rooted?  I am so glad that you have asked.  To be deep rooted means to be firmly embedded, implanted, established or ingrained.  It also means being fixed, entrenched and settled. When something is deeply rooted, it is strong, and you have had it so long that it is difficult to change.  The opposite is on the surface, shallow, slight and superficial.

  God’s love for you is so deep that it will never fail you.  You may have been failed by your mother, father, sister, brother or your  spouse, but God will never fail you.  When you hit rock bottom in your finances, your marriage or in any area of your life, God is right there underneath of you (Deut. 33:27).  He is our refuge.  No matter what you have done or how long you did it, God’s love is deep for you.

     Are you willing to go deeper into your relationship with Him? The deeper we love Him, the closer we get to Him through  prayer, reading His Word and learning, His ways/His will.  When we have a deep love for Him, we show it by our obedience.  He said; anyone who loves me will obey my teaching (John 14:23).   When we go deeper with God, our lives will not be the same, and it will impact every relationship that we have.  Go deeper!

    “May Christ through your faith (actually) dwell (settle down, abide make His permanent Home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love. ” Ephesians 3:17 

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn