Marriage from A to Z

“What’s on Your Schedule?’

Do you have a date scheduled with the love of your life?  Hopefully you have something special planned for this month and for the weeks to come.  The 4th Principle for Having A Prosperous Marriage in 2018 is to “Schedule regular time together with your spouse.”   Be sure to treat your mate like he/she is your most important human priority.

With work, children, family, house duties, school and ministry, there is always something to do.  If you are not careful, your duties will  swallow every ounce of your time and before you know it, you have not had a date with your spouse in weeks or maybe even months.  Can any one identify?

The enemy’s job is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  If he can steal time from your schedule so that  you don’t have time to spend with your spouse, he can kill and destroy your marriage.  Don’t let the enemy win, and do not be ignorant of his devices.

Time waits for no one, and scheduling regular time together with your spouse is very important. God wants you to take time to nurture your spouse and your marriage on a regular basis.  Not having enough time together is a form of neglect.  Are you neglecting your spouse?  Is everything and everybody more important to you?

I want to encourage all of the married couples to keep dating and scheduling time for one another! If you are already doing well in this area, keep up the good work, and if not,  schedule a date.   If you can’t remember the last time, its been too long.  I am specifically challenging the married folks because usually, couples are good about dating consistently when they are courting or engaged however, after they say “I do, ” the schedule changes.  Be intentional and committed to scheduling time alone with your spouse.  Do whatever it takes.  God will be pleased, and your spouse too!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Just Do It!”

“I know I should, but I am not.”  “I know what the Bible says, but God will understand.”  Have you ever made one of these statements?  This week’s tip for having a prosperous marriage in 2018 is to simply obey!  If we truly want to experience the blessings that God has in store for us, we must be obedient.  Don’t delay, because delayed obedience is disobedience. (Ouch!) “Just do it!”

I know that “Just do it ” is the slogan for Nike, but it is so applicable for talking about obedience.  To obey is to comply with or follow the commands of God.  There are some things that God has placed in our hearts and on our minds, because He wants us to do it!  Not only does He want us to do it, but He wants us to do it within His will and His Way.  Oh and whatever it is, it should line up with His Word.  You see, God would never tells us to do something that is contrary to His Word.

Obedience can be difficult, because often times there is a battle between our flesh and our Spirit.   Galatians 5:17 says, “The flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.  They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”  Do you see what this verse is saying?  You are not to do whatever you want.  This means we have to tell the flesh NO! Both  the flesh and the Spirit will speak, which will you obey?   The one that you feed the most will win.

The Flesh is in conflict with The Spirit for example:

1. “Do what feels good”  vs  “Do what pleases God”
2. “Go and get drunk” vs “You need more of Me”
3. “It’s okay to not be married and live together”  vs “Move out and trust Me”
4. “Over Eat”  vs “You have had enough”
5. “Don’t  give your tithes” vs “Give and He will give it back to you”
6. “Do it yourself!”  vs “Serve your spouse”
7. “Keep being busy” vs “Rest my child”
8. “Say what’s on your mind” vs “Guard your tongue”
9. “Tell a lie”  vs “Speak the truth in love”
10. “Give up/divorce” vs “Keep Pressing On/Fight”

God is calling all of us to obey.  He wants us to do what He has already told us to do.  Sometimes we are looking for more direction and God is saying, “I already told you what to do, just do it!”   Whether He spoke to you through His Word or used someone else to tell you, it is up to you to “OBEY.” If  you really want to be prosperous,  be intentional about doing God’s will, His way, and applying His Word.   Just do it!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Does a Marriage Need Milk?”

Do you want your marriage to be healthy, strong and well nourished?  If your answer is yes,  you will need to have some “Milk” in your marriage.  This week, we will focus on the second tip for having a prosperous marriage in 2018, “READ – Read something from God’s Word as often as you can.  Read it and apply it to your marriage.”  

The milk that is needed in marriage is the pure milk of the word.  I Peter 2:2 says “as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby.” As Christians our goal should be to grow healthy and strong.  Just like babies need milk and proper nourishment to grow healthy and strong, our marriages need the same.  God’s Word is powerful!  We should read it daily and apply it to our lives.

Unfortunately, studies show that most Christians don’t read their Bibles on a daily basis. A large percentage only open their Bibles to read on Sunday while  in church and that is it.    If we don’t take the time to read it, we are missing out on the nourishment that God wants to pour into us individually as well as our marriage.

I know you are thinking, “I don’t have time.”  That’s the lie that the enemy wants us to believe.  He knows the benefits of reading God’s Word therefore, his goal is to keep Christians from daily reading.  We all have 24 hours in a day, let’s make time to read God’s Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

There are so many benefits to reading God’s Word but here are a few:

1. God speaks to us from His Word.
2. The Word of God is powerful!
3. It changes our hearts, minds and our souls.
4. It teaches us how to live and gives us direction.
5. It encourages and gives us strength for our journey.
6. We get wisdom from the Word of God.
7. It teaches us how to forgive and love one another.
8. It heals our body, minds and our souls. (It’s the best medicine)
9. It is satisfying for our spiritual appetite.
10. It helps us to mature and grow strong marriages.

You can start with as little as 1 minute and read one verse a day.  Pray first, read and ask God; “How can I apply this verse to my life?”  This can be done individually and as a couple.  Once you become consistent with 1 minute, you will want to increase your time.  I promise you, your life and your marriage will never be the same.  I pray that you will crave and drink from God’s milk daily!

Until next week,

Carolyn

What couples are less likely to divorce?

If you could do one thing  to help make your marriage last, would you do it?  Last week’s topic was, “How to have a Prosperous Marriage in 2018.”  I shared 10 keys to having a prosperous marriage, and this week we will focus on the the first key.  Praying together on a daily basis is not only the key to having a prosperous marriage, but statistics say that less than 1% of couples who pray together on a daily basis get a divorce.  That is a pretty low percentage compared to statistics that say 50% of first time marriages end in divorce and 78% of second marriages.

I am sure you have heard the saying, “A family who prays together, stays together.”  The same is true for couples,  when  a husband and wife pray together on a daily basis, they are less likely to divorce.  Prayer is simply taking time to talk to the Almighty God!  Since God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He will help a husband and wife to stay together.  Therefore, each time that a couple prays, they are inviting God into their relationship to work out every detail.  God loves to be invited, (Matthew 18:20). “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Praying together is so powerful and very beneficial!  Here are a few benefits: 

1.  It helps to bring a husband and wife closer together
2.  It helps a couple to hear each other’s heart
3.  It allows couples to cast their cares on the Lord
4.  It helps to promote intimacy, forgiveness and healing
5.  It helps to strengthen you individually and as a couple

There is so much to share with the Lord.  Pick a time that will work for you and your spouse and commit to praying each day.  Cast all of your cares on Him. The more you do it together, the more comfortable you will be come.

God wants to hear from you and your spouse.  Will you pray?

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Want a Prosperous Marriage in 2018?”

      The Marriage from A to Z blog is back!  If you have ever been blessed by reading, I ask that you would take a moment to share this blog with everyone.  Sign up to follow, and you will automatically be sent Marriage from A to Z on a weekly basis.

Do you want a prosperous marriage in 2018?  How bad do you want it?  Are you willing to do what it takes to make your marriage prosperous?  First, lets look at what it means to prosper.  To prosper is to: “flourish physically, grow strong, healthy and  to succeed.”  God wants us to have marriages that are flourishing, strong and healthy.  No matter what may have happened in 2017, God is able to make your marriage prosperous!   With God ALL things are possible!  (Matthew 19:26)

How to Have a Prosperous Marriage in 2018?

1. P = Pray together on a daily basis.  Include God in your everyday marriage.
2. R = Read something from God’s Word as often as you can.  Read it, discuss it and apply it to your marriage.
3. O = Obey God and Obey His Word! Be obedient in giving to God through tithing  and giving to others.
4. S  = Schedule regular time together.  Invest as much time in your marriage and your spouse as you can. Seek God first (Matthew 6:33) and make your spouse your number 1# Human priority.  Take your marriage to church every Sunday.
5. P = Play together!  Have fun and enjoy each other.
6. E = Exemplify Everlasting Love!  Have a love that endures every season.
7. R = Regular Forgiveness and Gratitude! Practice forgiving and say, “thank you” often.
8. O = Be Open to trying something new this year.  Do something new together, go somewhere you have never been together and create new memories.
9. U = Understand your spouse.  Go deeper, learn more about your husband/wife, ask questions and discover more about their upbringing.  Believe it or not, it has helped to shape the person that you have married.  Dwell with understanding!
10. S = Share your heart on a regular basis.  Communicate your expectations, desires and your dreams.  Be honest!

You have probably heard these things before, but are you doing them on a consistent basis?  When we do things the same way, we get the same results. It’s time to do some things differently.  What does your spouse desire from you? (If you don’t know, ask!) I pray that God will speak to each of us about making our marriage prosperous. Let’s do the work!

Until next time,

Carolyn

“For Better or For Worse!”

“For better or for worse!” Do these words sound familiar? Did you say them on your wedding day? Do you remember hearing them at someone’s wedding?  I said them 19 years ago,   but in my mind, I was thinking;  “for better or for better.”  I don’t think I am alone, many of us said the words; “for better or for worse” but never imagined the worse. These words are a part of the vows/covenant that married people make to God and to     their spouse.  It’s one thing to say these words, but are you willing to put these words into practice?

It’s easy to stay with a person when things are getting better and better.  Better is defined as; improved, of superior quality or excellence, something that one desires, finds acceptable or preferable.  Better may mean something different for every person/marriage.  However, many say things are better when their relationship is going well,  their health is good, the loving is good, the finances are good, the children are good, you have a good job, a nice place to live and a nice car to drive.  All of these things are wonderful and certainly make life better.  However, God intended for  marriage to endure through better or worse.

Lately, I have been hearing about marriages that are going through the worse.  No one wants to experience the worse.  It is not something that anyone would welcome.  Dealing with the worse is dealing with situations that are; very challenging, hurtful, draining, bad, deceitful or painful.  The situations are so tough that no one wants to deal with them.  Often times some of the the first thoughts that comes to the human mind is, “How can I get out of this situation? I want a divorce, I am not going to stick around,  I can’t take this! or I don’t deserve this!”  These are all normal and natural thoughts, but you would be surprised to see what you can endure with God’s help.  With God, ALL things are possible! (Matthew 19:26)  

If you are going through the worse, I pray that you will be encouraged. If you are in a season of better, please join me in praying for marriages that are going through the worse.   Know that God is able to carry you through.  His grace is sufficient for you.  God is with you and according to Hebrews 13:5, He will never leave you nor forsake you.  He is a very present help in the time of trouble.  Many marriages have survived through the worse situations, and they are able to testify that, God did it!  Remember that the same God who brought them through, can bring you through.

You can survive the worse season by; seeking godly counsel, crying out to God, choosing to forgive, reading the Bible on a daily basis, fasting, surrounding yourself with people who will help to encourage you and having a good support system.  I Corinthians 13:7 – 8 says that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails!  

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

19 Years and Counting . . .

On August 8, 1998 at the First Baptist Church of Glenarden, I said “I do” to William Tatem, Jr.,  and I am so happy to say that, “I still do!” It’s been nineteen wonderful years, and today, I am thanking God for keeping us together.  Thank You Lord!  I am so grateful for the way that this man loves me.  As I reflect on what God has done in our 19 years,  I just want to share 19 tips/lessons learned.  I pray that it will help some body!

1. Include God in your everyday life/marriage.
2. Pray together everyday.
3. Spend regular time with God individually, as a couple and as a family.
4. Take your marriage to church on a weekly basis.
5. Don’t go to bed angry.
6. Forgive one another often.
7. Make your spouse your #1 human priority.
8. Strive to please one another on a daily basis.
9. Have fun together!
10. Try something new together as often as you can. (Go to new places, see different things and meet new people)
11. Take a class together. (learn something together, do something together)
12. Have regular date nights.
13. Eat as many meals as you can together at a table.
14. Share your intimate thoughts on a regular basis.  Be open and honest.
15. Have sex often. God create sex especially for married people.
16. Compliment one another frequently. (Notice the hair cuts, something different, etc.)
17. Take your complaints to God, and give compliments to each other.
18. Be your mates cheerleader, support and the main one to encourage.
19. Love one another the way that I Corinthians 13:1-13 says to love.

It’s been 19 wonderful years, but not 19 perfect years.  We are two imperfect people who serve a Perfect God and therefore, we look to Him on a daily basis to maintain our marriage.  No matter what you go through in marriage, God is able to work it out and keep you together.  I am a witness!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Two Words You Need to Say Often”

There are two important words that can have a positive impact on any relationship. Most of us first learned to say these words when we were children.  These words are like music to the ears.  Sometimes people remember to say it, and sometimes they forget. However, whenever these words are remembered, they can bring blessings in your relationships, the workplace and everywhere.   This week’s post is to remind us to say, THANK YOU!” 

Did you know that research has been done on the impact of a sincere “Thank You?” Studies reveal that when people give a sincere thank you in the workplace and in their relationships, they make a positive impact.   Production increases and marriages stay together.  Saying the words “Thank You,” encourages, motivates and inspires people to do more and to give more.  

Yesterday, I came home and was pleasantly surprised to receive a gift from the Edible Arrangement store.  It was a box of chocolate covered strawberries from one of my mentees to say, thank you for something that I had done.  If you look at the picture above, you will notice that some of the strawberries actually say, “Thank you.” In addition to that, I received a text from my husband saying, thank you for all that you do and for simply being you.  What a double blessing!  I was so encouraged that, I want to remind everyone of the power of saying, “Thank you!”

 “Thank you” makes you feel appreciated, valued and increases the desire to help.  It feels good and it sounds good when it is sincerely expressed.  Have you said thank you this week? Often times people take things for granted and rarely say thank you.    Be intentional about sincerely saying, “Thank you” and expressing it in various ways.  

Every day God gives us various opportunities to say, “Thank you.”  We should start our day by simply thanking God for allowing us to see another day.  Thank Him for life, health, strength and so on. . .  We have so many reasons to be thankful.

 Psalm 107 says, “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!”   Think about the things that your spouse, child, co-worker, friend or family member have done and say, “Thank you!”

Until next week,

Carolyn

When the answer is “NO!”

Have you ever prayed, and the answer was “NO?”  There are times when God’s answer to your request or your prayer is simply no!  Usually when the answer is no, it does not sound good, and it does not feel good.  I can think of several situations where I prayed about something and the answer was no.  When we don’t get the desired outcome, we think that God didn’t hear us or that He has forgotten about us.  God sees us, He hears us, and He knows everything about our situations.  Therefore, when His answer is no, we must trust that God has a better plan, purpose and that He wants to protect us and provide the best for us.  

No is defined as a negative used to express dissent, denial or refusal.  So this is why it doesn’t sound good when we are given the answer no. However, as I think about the times that God has said no to me, I can honestly say that He revealed a better plan, purpose or He was protecting me from something or someone that I thought was good, but it really wasn’t God’s best.  Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”  This verse reminds me that sometimes things/people seem right and seem good for us, but they are not.  God knows ALL of the details and the road ahead, so we must trust Him when the answer is no!

If you recently received the answer no for a request or a prayer, be encouraged my friend.  God sees and He knows.  He has not forgotten about you or your situation.  He knows what is best.  Always remember that:

1. God has a Plan – I can remember applying for jobs that I thought I should have gotten, but the answer was no.  God said no because He had a different plan for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord . . .”  So when our plan does not match His plan and the answer is no, we should be grateful!  Thank you Jesus for the times that you have said no!
2. God has a Purpose – Some times God says no because what we are asking will not fulfill the purpose that He has in mind.  We think that we know the purpose for something, but we can be wrong.  Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
3. God wants to Protect you – There have been times where God has said no, and I later find out that He was protecting me from harm or a bad decision.                         II Thessalonians 3:3 says “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”
4. God knows what’s Perfect for you – I have been in situations where I have tried to make something work, and it just wouldn’t work right.  I tried everything that I could only to discover that it wasn’t God’s perfect will.  Psalm 138:8 says, “The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;  . . .” 
5. God will Provide for you – Sometimes we pray for one specific thing to happen and when it doesn’t happen, we don’t know how we are going to make it.  Trust and believe that God will provide.  Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all of your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

I think we would all agree that the answer “No”  does not sound good, and it often does not feel good.  However, I pray that you will be encouraged and remember God’s promises that each begin with the letter P.  God has a plan, purpose, He wants to protect you, He knows what is perfect for you, and He will Provide for you.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

What happens when couples pray together?

Marriage takes work!  When a man and woman from two different backgrounds come together to live, there are challenges.  One was raised one way, and the other was raised another way.  What may have been common in your household, may not have been common in your spouse’ s household.    Issues and situations often arise that you never would have imagined.  Children come on the scene and add lots of joy, but at the same time lots of reasons to pray.  We have heard that, “Prayer changes things” and that “Acouple who prays together stays together” however, many still do not pray.  The question for this week is,  “How many of us are really praying together on a regular basis?”  

Some years ago, thousands of christian couples were surveyed on the issue of praying together.  The survey revealed that less than 8% of christian couples pray together on a regular basis.  This is a very low percentage.  I am not sure what the survey would reveal today, but each of us should examine our own marriages.  When was the last time you and your spouse prayed together?  Is prayer a priority?  Do you wait until there is a crisis or do you consistently communicate to the Lord? Prayer is very important and very beneficial to a marital relationship.  

Matthew 18:20  says,  “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”  These words are in red therefore, Jesus is speaking and letting us know that if we would just come together to pray, He will be in the midst. He hears, sees and will make a difference in us and our situation.

 Great things happen when couples pray together.  Here are 10 reasons why every husband and wife should pray together on a regular basis.    

Prayer . . . 

1. Invites God into the relationship
2. Strengthens the bonds of marriage
3. Promotes emotional intimacy and encourages unity
4. Gives hope, changes people, situations and  marriages
5. Softens anger, releases your deepest hurts and gives you a forgiving heart towards each other
6. Demonstrates your commitment to God and brings you closer to God
7. Helps to influence your thoughts and your actions
8. Helps you to hear and understand the heart of your spouse
9. Humbles you before God, it’s an act of surrender
10. Removes selfishness and breeds appreciation

Yes, we can all pray individually, but there is something more powerful about a husband and a wife coming together to pray.  If you live in the D.C., Maryland or Virginia area, I invite you and your spouse to a night of prayer for marriages on Saturday, July 8th at 7:00 PM.  It will be one of the best dates you have ever had!  This event is sponsored by the First Baptist Church of Glenarden’s Couples Ministry (3600 Brightseat Road, Landover, MD) .  I would love to see you there!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn