Marriage from A to Z

“From Single to Married”

So many people desire and dream of moving from the status of being single to being married.  Everyone talks about the wedding, the honeymoon and having a wonderful life together.  However, one of the things that will hinder having a wonderful life together is when the husband/wife or both still have a single mindset.  When your status changes “from single to married”  your mind also needs to change.    This is very important because if you get married but still act like you are single, there will be trouble.  Having the right mindset is one of the keys to a successful marriage.

As a single, you really don’t have to care for anyone but yourself.  You can come and go as you please without having to answer to anyone.  A single person has the freedom to make decisions, spend money, and go places without having to consider a spouse. They can socialize with the opposite sex and not think about how it will affect another person.  It’s like being able to go outside and play with out having any curfews.  However, the goal of a godly single should be to live a life that pleases God (I Corinthians 7:32-35).  When this is your goal, your decisions and behavior will line up with God’s word.

A husband and a wife needs to be willing to adjust their mindset for each other. Your focus should be how to please one another (I Corinthians 7:32-35).    Having the right mindset is so important because it will determine your decisions and your behavior throughout your marriage.  If one is stuck on the single life and only doing what pleases him/herself  the marriage will suffer.  You may not have the right mindset when you first get married, but you can develop the right mindset.   The marriage mindset can be developed through prayer, learning God’s plan for marriage and also learning your spouse and what pleases them.   When one has a marriage mindset, they care and consider their spouse in every decision, choice and behavior.  The question that one should ask is, “How will this affect or impact my wife/husband?”   If you know that the decision or behavior will not be welcomed, appreciated and bring joy to your spouse, reconsider.

Successfully changing your status “from single to married” requires have a changed mindset.

Until next week,

Carolyn

Does Media Mess with Marriage?

     Have you ever heard of a couple getting into an argument because of something pertaining to some form of media? I have! Some singles have even broken relationships because of something revealed in the media.

   How does this happen? I am so glad that you asked.  It usually happens when a husband, wife or significant other  has shared something on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, an email  or simply a text on their phone that is inappropriate or that has been shared at an inappropriate time with someone of the opposite sex. Another common issue is simply spending too much time on social media and very little time socializing with your those who are most important. Can anyone relate to what I am saying? 

      I know that Social Media is very popular today, but don’t let it mess with your marriage or your life for that matter. One bad text, message  or inappropriate picture can negatively impact a good marriage/relationship. I have seen it happen. We must be careful about the words that we share and the pictures that we post. Remember the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy marriages by any means necessary (John 10:10). Be not ignorant of the enemy’s devices (2 Corinthians 2:11). 

    Here are a few tips:

1. Establish some social media boundaries with your spouse. 
2. Agree upon appropriate and inappropriate times to text and send messages.
3. When you are having a meal at the table or having family time, give your spouse, children your undivided attention. 
4. Determine appropriate pictures to share.
5. Don’t share or say anything on social media that is not a good reflection of you and your spouse. More importantly represent Christ well!
6. Guard your bed and what you allow to come between you and your spouse. Have you brought Media into your bed?
7. Use social media to build your marriage/spouse, not tear it down.   Only share and say things that are good, praiseworthy and of good report.
8. Determine what is okay with you and what is not.  Share with your spouse.
9. Check yourself. How are you doing with managing social media? Do you need to make some changes?  If you are not sure, ask your spouse. 
10. Remember that social media can be a great tool but it must be used properly.

I have seen too many marriages negatively impacted by an inappropriate use of social media. Let’s not allow something that can be a blessing to mess with our marriage/relationships.

Until next week! 

Carolyn 

What should you “put on” today?

     Every day we have to decide what to put on.  Usually when I make this decision I think about what I will be doing,  where I will be going  and what the weather will be.  Often times what we put on depends on the weather or the occasion.  This week I want to share what you should “put on” no matter the day, occasion or the weather.  These clothes can be worn with every day but you have put them on.  When we put these clothes on, our marriage and relationships will be better and last forever.

     Colossians 3:12 (NKJV) says, “Therefore, as elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies (compassion), kindness, humility, meekness (gentleness), longsuffering (patience); bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

Just think if every husband,  every wife, and everyone would put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering and bear with one another what a difference this would make.  In addition, if we would forgive one another and remember that since Christ has forgiven us, we must forgive others.  Notice that the scripture says put on these things.  This means that we don’t automatically wear these type of clothes, We Have to PUT THEM ON.  This outfit can only be worn when you have a true relationship with Jesus Christ.

Marriage requires work!  Two different people who come together from two different families, upbringings, cultures and backgrounds will have trials.  There will be some good days and some bad days.  There will be some wise decisions made and some stupid decisions made.  There will be some happy days and some painful days, but if you would learn to put on Colossians 3:12 you will have the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness that comes your way with a good temper.  You can’t do it alone, so remember that God is right there to help you.  Draw closer to Him and He will draw closer to you.  Put on the right gear, and you will be prepared for every occasion.

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“Happy Woman’s Day!”

Today is a very special day!  In 1913 March 8 was declared as an International Women’s day (IWD).  Women in over 100 countries throughout the world are being celebrated today.In some nations, it is an official holiday.  The purpose of this special day is defined as a day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women and a call to action for issues concerning women. One of the ideas behind this day was to celebrate  woman’s day every year in every nation in such a way to apply political pressure for expanded women’s rights.  The first National Woman’s Day took place on February 23, 1909 in the United States. Today women are being honored and participating in various events to celebrate.

Genesis 2:16 says, “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone: I will make him a helper comparable to him.”  A helper is one who helps. To help is to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a  task or satisfy a need. It also means to contribute strength, render assistance, to save, aid or to rescue. It’s wonderful to know that God created women with the word help in mind. Women have been called by God to be great helpers.    Think about all of the women who God have placed in your life to help you on your way.  Take time to say thank you!

I want to take this day to celebrate women all over the world.  Thank you for everything that you do and have done to make the world a better place.  Thank you to the women who have made such a major impact on the world that they became famous, and thank you to the women who have made major impact, but no one will ever know your name.  Thank you to all of the good moms and grandmothers who have raised their biological children and children from another mother.   Thank you for all of the lessons that you have taught and the sacrifices that you have made.    Thank you!

Let’s take time to thank the women in our lives who have been such a blessing in one way or another.  Husbands take time to thank your wives for the fabulous help that they provide to you and your family.  Do something special for the special women in your life. Happy Woman’s Day!

Until next week . . . .

Carolyn

The Power of a Great Date

This weekend I had a great date!  What made it great was being with my honey, going to a new place and meeting new people.  Thanks to the couple who invited  us to attend the American Heart Ball and blessed us with an over night stay at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Washington, D.C.  It was a wonderful experience!  We walked a way being more informed about people and children who have heart issues.  Also being very thankful for having a healthy heart and for having children who have healthy hearts.  One of our friends, Rev. Johnny Parker says, “A change in pace and a change in place equals a change in perspective.”

As single people, we date to discover the right mate. Once we make our choice, and get married, dating often gets thrown out the window.  Life happens, children are born and we can easily forget about the power of a great date.

One of the ways that a healthy marriage is maintained is by having regular dates with your  spouse.  One on one time to look into your spouse’s eyes is powerful!  We need to look with a sense of  thankfulness to God for blessing us with the gift of a spouse.  Strive to get to know your spouse even better.  Give compliments and be intentional about nourishing and cherishing one another.

Dating your mate keeps excitement in the relationship.  Especially, if you are willing to try different places, events and meet new people.  A date can rejuvenate your mate and your marriage.  Our date was just a few minutes away in D.C.  but because it was a different place and we were moving at a different pace, it felt like we had gone far away.  I want to encourage all of the married folks to keep dating or if you haven’t had a date lately, take time to plan a date.  Make it  a hot date! (smile)  Enjoy each other!  Proverbs 5:18 says “Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth.”

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

“A Good Black Man”

I know we live in a world that says good black men are hard to find.   Some don’t even believe that good black men exist because of bad experiences and negative images in the media.  However, good black men do exist, and today I want to dedicate this post to one of the good black men that I know, my husband for almost 19 years, William Tatem, Jr.

Today is his 51st birthday (Happy Birthday Babe!) and I want to take this time to give him his flowers while he can smell them.  I am so thankful that God brought us together for such a time as this.  He is a good friend, husband and a father to our children.  He loves the Lord and is truly a servant.  He loves to serve and to be a blessing to others.  When I met him, he was picking up senior citizens for church and handling them with love and care.  He was also a volunteer serving as a youth advisor at The First Baptist Church of Glenarden.  We both signed up to serve in the Youth Ministry and that is where we met, the rest is history.

One of the things that I love about my husband is that he truly loves me and he does an excellent job of demonstrating his love.  He works very hard to provide and he consistently finds ways to serve me and our children.  He is very supportive of everything that I want to do and accomplish.  Since he has been my biggest cheerleader, I have done things that I normally would have been afraid to do.  I also love the fact that he wants me to feel good and look good.  He encourages me to keep taking good care of my self from the inside out. A few years ago, one of his friends challenged him to wash me with the Word of God.  Ever since, he takes time to pray for me and to read me a scripture just about every day.   He knows that I love God and His Word so he has learned to feed me the Word of God.  Yes, I can feed myself but there is something powerful about him praying and washing me with the Word. (Ephesians 5:26)

I am so thankful to God for William Tatem, Jr, a good black man.   I also thank his parents for raising such a wonderful son.  My children are thankful for the father that he is and for all of the sacrifices that he makes to raise them.  My mom and grand parents have reached out to him just to say thank you for being the man that you are.  They have all witnessed his love, friendship and see the way that he serves his family.

I know that I am not the only woman who has a good black man.   So if you have a good black man, I encourage you to see to it that you respect him (Ephesians 5:33) and take time to honor him.  He may be your husband, father, grandfather, uncle or your brother but take time to appreciate him today.  Good doesn’t mean perfect because none of us are perfect. Don’t wait and don’t delay for tomorrow is not promised, take time to thank a good man today.

Until next week,

Carolyn

Are You Willing to Invest?

Often times we will go to training for our jobs, take an exercise class, but we will not invest the time and money in training for a successful marriage.  When your job implements a new computer system, equipment or a new practice they will send you to training so that you can come back to the office and apply what you have learned.  They want you to be skilled in using the equipment and in running the office successfully (think about how this applies to a relationship).  This week I want to encourage you to take classes, go to a workshop, seminar or training and invest in yourself or your marriage.

Did you know that there is a class that newlyweds can take to give their marriage a strong start?  My husband and I will be facilitating a class at First Baptist Church of Glenarden under the Couples Ministry.  Newlyweds are defined as couples  who are within their first three years of marriage. This class  is specifically for couples who are in their first marriage and willing to learn biblical principles for having a successful marriage.  Guess what?  The class is FREE.  Are you willing to make the investment?  The commitment is for 1 year (2x a month)  Do you know a couple who could benefit from a class like this?

After going to several marriage classes and attending couples training over the years,  I can honestly say that each has helped to build a stronger marriage.  My husband and I have learned something different in every class.  We realize that although we are approaching 19 years of marriage, we have not arrived.  There is always something to learn about each other or how to handle different seasons of marriage.

Whether you are a newlywed or you have been married for a long time, taking a marriage class is a great way to invest in your marriage.  I encourage the singles who would like to be married and engaged couples to take classes that will provide preparation for a successful marriage. Check out my book, “Marriage from A to Z for Singles,” (I have been told that it is a helpful tool in preparing for marriage.”

Remember this formula:  Information + Application = Transformation.  

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Will you finish what you have started?”

     “I am going to start exercising consistently!  I am going to get this weight off of me.  I am going to eat less.  I am going to start or stop doing something. I am going to participate in the January 2017 Fast.”  Does any of this sound familiar?  Many people made these statements just a few weeks ago (January 1st) but some where down the line have not been committed to making these statements a reality.  I heard a man say that he was going to start exercising consistently each week.  As of yesterday, he had only exercised two times in 24 days.  I think we all have good intentions and start off strong but somewhere down the road, we go back to our old ways of doing things.  This week’s message is simple, “Finish what you have started.”

Be encouraged to keep going!  As I reflect on the things that I want to accomplish, I want to encourage you to make it to the finish line.  (I really am writing to encourage my self, loll!) If you started the year with goals take a look at those goals every day.  One of the things that helps with making it to the finish line is to feed your mind with the right food each day.  Romans 12:2 says, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  Each day you have to put good things in your mind.  Read the Word of God, books and articles pertaining to the subject or goal that you are trying to achieve.

Another thing that will help you make it to the finish line is accountability.  Find someone who will hold you accountable to the goal that you are trying to reach.  If exercising 3 times a week is the goal, find someone who has the same goal or a similar goal and hold each other accountable.

January is almost over and February is on the way.  Are you still making steps to accomplish your goals/dreams?  Pray and actively do something towards your goal every day, if not every week.  Know that it takes commitment and consistency to accomplish your goal.  Remind yourself of how great you will feel when you have finished what you started.  

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“A Great Way to Start 2017”

Happy New Year!  I hope that your 2017 is off to a great start!  Is it?  One of the greatest things that you can do this month is seek God like you have never sought Him before. Look to God for wisdom, insight and direction for your life.  I guarantee you there are things that God wants to show you, reveal to you and tell you.  Are you willing to do what it takes so that you can really hear from God?   This week I want to encourage you to  spend your January getting closer to God through prayer, fasting and reading the Word of God.

Prayer – Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call unto me, and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”  Prayer is simply taking time to talk to God and allowing Him to speak to you.  He tells us when we call unto Him, He will answer and tell us things that we do not know.  Start your day with prayer, pray throughout your day and end your day with prayer.  Prayer changes people, things and situations!

Fasting – Mark 9:29 says, “And He told them, “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.”  I love this verse because it reminds us that we still need to fast and that there are somethings that will only take place through fasting. What is fasting?   Fasting is a willing abstinence or reduction from some or all food, drink or both for a period of time.  The goal is to deny yourself in order to draw closer and focus on God.  It’s amazing how denying the flesh of the foods that it often enjoys can allow you to hear God more clearly.  As you deny your flesh, you must consistently pray because prayer and fasting go together.   Fasting without prayer and spending time with God is simply skipping a meal.  There are so many benefits to prayer and fasting.  Try it!

Read God’s Word Daily – I recently saw an article online that said the Bible is no longer a book for Modern America.  We live in a world where people no longer believe in the Word of God.  However, God’s Word is Truth for today, tomorrow and  years to come.  The Bible stands for Basic, Instructions, Before, Leaving Earth. It is very important that we read His instructions every day.  Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful.  It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow.  It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”  Most of us eat 2-3 meals a day and without missing a meal unless we are fasting. So I want to encourage you to feed yourself with the Word of God at least once a day, every day!  Every time you feed your flesh, ask yourself, “Have I fed my spirit?  Have I eaten from God’s Word today?”

Prayer, fasting and reading God’s Word is a great way to start 2017.  Try it! Your life will never be the same. If you are already doing it, be encouraged and be faithful!   God has great plans in store for us!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Common Cares after Christmas”

Christmas of 2016 is now behind us. Many of us have celebrated by spending time with family and friends, traveling, exchanging gifts, going to church and eating various meals with desserts.  For the month of December I have written about common cares that people have in preparation for Christmas.  The cares consisted of:  1)Family 2)Frustrations that we must turn into Faith and 3) Finances.  Can you guess what this weeks care will be?  While celebrating Christmas and preparing for the new year, many are surrounded by lots of good food and sweets.  Often times its very hard to resist so therefore we indulge.   So the 4th and last common care for the month is a focus on our Flesh and Fitness.

Our flesh simply refers to our body.  What is your body saying today? Would it say that it is feeling great?  Have you been taking good care of your body or abusing it?  Are you in good health?  3 John 1:2 says “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”  Health refers to the condition of the body or the mind.  It is defined as,  “A state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” If we are not in good health, we will be limited on what we can accomplish.  Check yourself and determine what you need to do to have better health or to maintain good health.  We often hear about the basic things that we can do to improve our health such as; watching what we eat, portion control, drink plenty of water, eat lots of fruits and vegetables and lastly exercise.  But the question is are we putting any of these things into practice?  You only get one body and God is holding you responsible for taking care of it.

The second part of this week’s care is fitness, which simply means to be fit.  It has also been defined as, “The body’s ability to complete activities for every day life effectively and efficiently.” Being fit deals with you physically, physiologically and emotionally.  The following is a check list for fitness.

1. Having enough strength and energy to make it through a whole day
2.  Proper Nutrition, eating healthy meals
3. Maintaining  a healthy weight
4. Mentally and emotionally stable (stress management)
5. Being Pain free
6. Physical activity and independence
7. Adequate rest

As we prepare to go into 2017 let’s evaluate ourselves and do something about our flesh and maintaining fitness.  Try something different, aim to move your body more and eat healthy, get an accountability partner who will work with you. Don’t be complacent with where you are, keep striving to do better.   I pray that you will prosper and be in good health!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn