Marriage from A to Z

Are You Working as a Team or Alone?

      Have you ever experienced doing a job by yourself and one day someone comes along to help you? You didn’t realize how much you needed help until some one started helping you and made your job easier.   Whether it’s in your marriage, ministry or a mission that you need to accomplish at work, we all must learn the value of team work.

     A team is defined as a number of persons associated in some joint action.  I was in a meeting yesterday and being a good team player was discussed.  T.E.A.M. was defined as “Together, Everyone Achieves More!”   I thought, this is so true and immediately applied this to marriage. Imagine how much easier things would be if every husband and every wife worked together as a team.  Team work makes the dream work!   Are you and your spouse working together or working separately?  Have you shared your goals and dreams so that both are clear on what needs to be accomplished? If you are not married pray about opportunities for God to use you in your singleness.

   Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says Two are better than one.  There are benefits to working together as a team.  God doesn’t intend for us to make it on our own.  He is a relational God and he expects us to be in relationship with others.  When there is more than one, one can help the other one up.  Also, defeat is unlikely when there is more than one. A person is more likely to succeed when they have help.  A job can take less time when there is help.  So don’t try to do everything alone.  Pray and be willing to work together as a team to accomplish the dreams that God has given you.  Everybody needs somebody!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Have You Been On Your Knees Lately?”

     Are you looking for God to do something different in your life?  Do you have a question that you need to be answered?  Is there a situation that needs to be changed in your marriage, with your kids or relationship with others?  Well this week I want to encourage you to get on your knees, open up your mouth and talk to God! 

     Spending time with God on our knees may sound like a thing of the past but let’s bring it back.  It’s called “Kneeology.” Kneeology is the discipline of what we should be doing on our knees.  Although we can talk to God at any time, any place and in any position, it is something special about talking to God on our knees.  I must admit that since I have been praying as I go and praying in the car, I have slacked up with making specific time to  get on my knees.  Yes, the most important thing is that we are praying on a regular. However, I want to challenge you to take your prayer life to another level.  Get on your knees and talk to God about everything, He is looking forward to hearing from you!  He says cast your cares on me. (I Peter 5:7)

     We know that prayer is simply talking to God, but often times we are talking to everyone but God!  God loves when we talk to Him.  Jeremiah 33:3 says call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.  This verse gives us instructions to talk to God and when we do, He will answer and reveal things to us that we do not know.  All throughout the Bible we are instructed to pray.  Daniel is known for getting on his knees three times a day.  (Daniel 6:10) Are you willing?   

     Here are some of the benefits of getting on your knees. Each one starts with an H.  (smile)

• It humbles you before God
• It positions you to hear from God
• We share our heart with God
• He shares His heart with us (Talk to God and then be still and listen)
• It helps us to get strength for our journey
• It keeps us happy because the joy of the Lord is our strength
• It gives us hope in hopeless situations
• It keeps us healthy because we are not carrying the burden 

     Join me as I commit to spending more time on my knees.  Certainly God is worthy of our time, our praise and our dedication.    Let’s study Kneeology together!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

What’s the Difference Between a Married & a Single?

     When I was single, I remember dreaming and longing to be married.  I really didn’t know God’s plan for marriage, I just wanted to have a “permanent date”.  Well it wasn’t until I released the idea that I had to have somebody that God began to connect me with my husband.  I know it may not make sense but God wants to get singles to be united to Him before they become united to anyone else. In other words, God wants to be your “permanent date.”   In I Corinthians 7:33-35 you will find the difference between the married and the unmarried.

     The secret to our success as a single and our success as a married is in this text.  I Corin. 7:33-35 says that there is a difference between a married and an unmarried person.  The unmarried person cares about the things of the Lord and how she/he may please God. Singles are also instructed to be holy both in body and in spirit (God is concerned about what you are doing with your body and your spirit).  He desires for an unmarried person to be devoted to Him.  The text goes on to say that singles have the advantage of serving God with few distractions.  Therefore, I want to encourage all of the singles to get focused on God and your relationship with Him.  Examine yourself, are you devoted to God more than any thing or are you devoted to the idea of getting married?   Embrace this season of your life like never before and give God your all!  He wants you to bring glory and honor to Him by the things that you do.  

     On the other hand, married people are instructed to care about the things of this world/earthly responsibilities and how to please his/her spouse.  Imagine if every married person followed these instructions.  Marriages would be happier because every wife would be doing what it takes to please her husband and every husband would be doing what it takes to please his wife.  It is God’s desire that you both be pleased.  So take a moment to evaluate how you are doing with pleasing your spouse.  Be intentional about pleasing each other.  When you obey this instruction, your marriage will bring more glory and honor to God.  

     In closing, I can honestly say that being devoted to God as a single has helped me to be a devoted to my husband. Having a close relationship with the Lord is the key to having successful relationships with others.   Remember that God is the author of marriage and we should never leave Him out!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

p.s. How many of you had a Sabbath last week?  I would love to hear your comments. 

Do You Have a Weekly Sabbath?

     Does it take a snow storm to get you to slow you down, take it easy and rest?  This year has brought us more snow than ever!  I am sure that God has His reasons for sending the snow, perhaps one of them is to get us to slow down and rest.   I thought about this and determined that it shouldn’t have to take snow to get us to slow down and rest.   Did you know that God has commanded us to take a weekly rest?  It’s called the Sabbath. A day set aside for rest and worship.  Most of us do the worship part but do not take time to really rest. 

      In Exodus 20:8 we are told to “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.” In the next verse we are told to get all of our work done in six days but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. We are told not to do any work, neither should anyone in your family.  This includes you, your spouse and your children.

     God loves us so much that He commanded a Sabbath because human beings need to spend unhurried time in worship and rest each week.  As I mentioned, last week, He is concerned about how we spend our time.  We live in a fast paced world so we have to be intentional about having a Sabbath.  If we are not careful, we will let an entire week go by without taking time to rest and worship. Having a weekly Sabbath lets God know that He is priority and that we are taking time to observe a principle that He established a long time ago.  

     Honoring the Sabbath is beneficial in every way.  It refreshes our mind, body and spirit. Most importantly, it pleases God.  Many of us are walking around tired, irritable, frustrated and exhausted because we have not been observing this commandment.  Remember to have a  Sabbath day EVERY week.  I encourage you to get your errands, laundry, cleaning and everything that you need within 6 days.  Help and  encourage your kids to get their homework done within six days. Husbands/Wives be sure that your spouse has time to rest every week and if that means taking turns with the kids so that each has an opportunity to rest, make it happen.  Join me as I be more intentional about honoring the Sabbath and keeping it holy!

Until next week!

p.s.  How did you do with arriving on time this past week?

Carolyn 

Are You Normally On Time or Late?

     Have you and your spouse ever had an argument because you were late, running late or missed an event?  You find yourself rushing, fussing and stressed trying to get to an event.    Being late can cause major problems in a relationship and in life in general. Time affects everyone!  We each are given 24 hours in a day and how we manage our time affects our relationship with our spouse, children, friends,family, and co-workers.  This week I want to encourage you to be on time!

     All throughout your relationships you will have events and appointments that require you to be on time.  If you don’t master managing your time, you can cause great disappointment and problems.  The thing about time is that you can never get it back.  How are you doing in this area?  Maybe you are always punctual and if so that’s great! Keep it up!  This message is for those like me who sometimes struggle with getting to places on time.  Normally, I am on time for most events, however, I have my moments where time has slipped away from me.   

     Did you know that being on time is a character trait?  It’s called punctuality.  Punctuality means to be on time, prompt, reliable, and to have regularity.  The opposite is to be late, tardy or delayed.   Punctuality is a very important character quality.  When we manage our time well, God is pleased and it blesses others.  It shows others that you respect their time.  It usually doesn’t take long for people to tell if punctuality is a part of your character or not.  If you regularly display the opposite quality TARDINESS, it means that you have a low regard for other people’s feelings or their schedules  Ouch!!

     Take a moment to check yourself.  Do you get to your job on time?  Do you get your child to school, practice or rehearsal on time?  Do you go to church on time?  I admit, I have to work on this one.  If you are in control of a meeting, do you start and end on time? When you tell your friend that you will meet them at a certain time, can they count on you to be punctual?  When you and your spouse are going to a wedding do you arrive on time?  One of the one’s that God convicted me of is making sure that I drive my son to school on time.  You see kids don’t drive so if they are late going some where it’s usually because of an adult. We set our children up for stress, or missing something when they don’t arrive on time.  Tardiness is a bad habit and we should not pass it on to our children.  

     This week I want to encourage you to join me as I strive to be more intentional about being ON TIME.  Whenever you have to be some where, take a moment to process what time you need to leave in order to arrive on time.  It is better to allow yourself more time than not enough.  Strive to arrive 10-15 minutes ahead of time.  God is ALWAYS on time and we should strive to be like Him! There are extra blessings in store for those who arrive ON TIME!  

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn 

When Was the Last Time You Had a Date With Your Spouse?

     Since last Friday was Valentine’s Day, many of you probably celebrated with a date.  The word date is often used at the beginning of a relationship.  It is the time that a couple goes out to different social events while assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.  Unfortunately, after one decides that the person is suitable for being a spouse, dating often becomes a thing of the past. 

     This week I want to encourage you to date your spouse as often as you can.  My goal is to make it happen at least once a week.  Although this is my goal, we don’t quite meet this goal every week.  However, I do have friends who have made this commitment with their spouse and it works out nicely. Dating your spouse on a regular is one of the best things that you can do to take your marriage to another level.

     Dating is so beneficial to a marriage relationship.  It helps to bring a couple closer together, it keeps your relationship feeling fresh, fun and strong!  There are so many different ways to have a date until it never has to get boring.  Every week you could plan to do something different, go some place different or invite another couple to join you.  There are so many places to go and things to see. You can date with money or without.  The key to a successful date is learning how to spend time totally focusing on each other.

     I know you are thinking of all of the reasons why you can’t do this.  You are going to have to change your thinking and become intentional about planning regular dates with your spouse.  You have to make it happen.  If you have young children, connect with another couple and exchange.  You can keep their kids while they get a date and then, allow them to do the same for you.  If you are single, see if you can help a couple to have a date night by keeping their children.  If money is tight, be creative and look for free events.  Dates do not have to be expensive, it’s all about spending quality time together.  Tomorrow is not promised, you have to make time to date your spouse.  Let your spouse know that he/she is a priority to you. We often make time for everything else, but don’t make enough time for the person who God is holding us responsible for, our spouse. Don’t put it off any longer.  Make some plans for this weekend.  

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“Unfailing Love”

     Yesterday I came home and drove into the drive way, I pressed the garage door opener and to my surprise, the garage door would not open.  I pressed the button several times and it still would not open.  I went into the house and none of the lights would turn on.  I called Pepco and found that our neighborhood was experiencing a power outage.  It was around 4:00 PM and they told me that the power would not be on until around 8:00 PM.   

        Just like we depend on electricity to work every time we press a button or turn on a switch, there are times when  we have the same attitude in our relationships.  We expect our spouses, kids or our parents to act a certain way but sometimes we are disappointed. Have you ever went to someone for love but you didn’t get it?  Perhaps it was a spouse, a parent or a friend.  Maybe it was at a time when you really needed some love but it wasn’t there.  The person who you thought you could depend on, was not there or available. This is a hurting and a disappointing feeling.   

     In honor of Valentine’s week (Happy Valentine’s Day!), I want to remind you of a love that you can always depend on.  This is an “Unfailing Love” that comes from our “Unfailing God.”  Every time I think about God’s love for us, I get excited!  He loves us with an “Unfailing Love.”  Unfailing is defined as not falling short of expectation, completely dependable, inexhaustible, not failing and endless. So no matter what you may be going through, you can have hope and encouragement because of God’s “Unfailing Love.”   Although we fail, let’s keep striving to imitate God and offer “Unfailing Love” to  our spouse, children, family, friends and those who God brings in our path. I Corinthians 13:7 says Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.  

     In closing, I want to leave you with a few verses on God’s “Unfailing Love.”  (Psalm 13:5, Psalm 31:21, Psalm 31:16, Psalm 25:7)  

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

“Do You Give the Silent Treatment?”

     Have you ever been so mad with your spouse or someone else that you walked away from a conversation and then decided to stop talking to them?  You are so angry or so displeased with something that was said or done  that you don’t want to speak any more.  This is called the “Silent Treatment.”   It is defined as shutting down, not speaking, closing your heart and refusing to interact with someone.  It also means that you ignore someone’s presence.  You act just as if they are invisible. I know it sounds crazy but so many of us are guilty as charged.  The “Silent Treatment” is known as one of the hardest punishments there are other than physical abuse.  

     Well I am sorry to say that I have experienced this treatment both ways.  I have been on the giving end and on the receiving end. I remember when it  first happened in my marriage and God had to check me on this issue.  I was challenged to read I Corinthians 13 every day until I understood that I could be angry but I had to learn how to still show love.  Going for days and weeks without speaking is a trick of the enemy and it displeases God.   Although I know this,   I must admit that I have still been tempted to use the “Silent Treatment.”  However, after completing the 30 day tongue fast (Tongue Fast Book by Debra Peques), I see things differently.  I no longer want to use this type of treatment because it causes more harm than good.  

     After studying the effects of the The “Silent Treatment, ”  I learned that it is a form of emotional abuse.  It is destructive to the relationship whether you do it temporarily or permanently.  This is normally done to send a message that what the person did displeased you.  However, the “Silent Treatment” is a form of punishment that attempts to control your spouse or others into doing what you want them to do.   Some even use this treatment on their kids.  Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at rather than given the “Silent Treatment.”  

     In conclusion, I want to encourage you to communicate your feelings instead of using the “Silent Treatment.”  We can not expect for our spouse or anyone else to automatically know what we are thinking or feeling.  When we are offended by something God wants us to go to that person and talk to them privately. (Matthew 18:15)  If you don’t talk, your offender may never know that they have offended you and they may do it again.  Communication is the key just remember to stop, think and pray before you speak!  

Until Next Week . . .

Carolyn 

“How Is Your Heart?”

   The success or lack of success in our relationships has so much to do with what’s in our heart.  This week I want to encourage you to do a heart check.  What’s the condition of your heart right now?  How much of that condition is affecting the way that you treat your spouse and the way that you treat others?  Has your heart been hardened?

     If you have bitterness, anger, unresolved hurt and pain in your heart, often times, this is what you will project in your relationships. One may try to hide it in public but often times the people who are the closest to us such as; our spouse or our children end up getting hurt.  On the other hand, if there is love, patience, joy, peace and forgiveness in your heart, this is what you will project.  

     We must check our hearts on a regular basis so that we can keep it in good condition.  Since the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy, he would love for us to have hardened hearts.  A hardened heart is one that refuses to see, understand, hear and forgive. When things happen in our relationships that hurt us or disappoint us, we all can get a hardened heart.  However, it is so important that we don’t stay there.  When the heart stays hard, it causes major problems.  These problems could lead to death.  Relationships and marriages die because of hardened hearts.  

     Remember that God is in the business of heart surgery.  He can change, heal and restore any heart.  Nothing is too hard for him. The Bible tells us if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9).  Let us do the same thing in our relationships.  Be willing to forgive and don’t allow the wrong feelings and emotions to build up. If you have a hardened heart or are dealing with someone who has one, pray.  Ask God to clean your heart and take out anything that is not like him.  Take the medicine of God’s Word everyday.  He will make a hardened heart soft again and keep our hearts in good condition!  

Until next week . . .

Carolyn 

“Are You Just Married?”

     Your first answer to this question may be no!  You may say no because you have been married for over ____ years.  However, once you read this definition of  “Just Married” you may have to answer yes to this question.    After listening to a teaching by         TIm Lundy with the Family LIfe Ministry, I now see the words “Just Married” in a different way.

     Perhaps you had a wedding, said I do, and went on a honey moon some time ago.  Your last name changed and you are now called Mr. & Mrs.  You even have a marriage license to prove that you got married some time ago but you are still “Just Married!”  To be “just married”  means that you went through the process of getting married but you really don’t have a marriage.  What am I saying here?  Marriage can be defined as any close or intimate association or union.  In Genesis 2:24 the Bible says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  

     Many are married but are not operating with a “Closeness or in Oneness”.  This week’s challenge is to strive for oneness.  Oneness is having a closeness in your marriage.  When you are not close, you are distant.  You feel like you are just room mates instead of soul mates.  Although you and your spouse are very different, you have to learn to bring your differences together to become one.  If we are not careful, we will let life, our career, our children, technology and everything else keep us from getting closer to the one we vowed our lives to.  Oneness is the goal that God established in marriage.  However, oneness doesn’t automatically happen.  Both parties must be intentional about growing and flowing together and not growing apart.  

        In conclusion, we can move from being “just married” by establishing oneness.   The goal is to get closer to your spouse in mind, heart and will. Open up, share your thoughts, your dreams and your mind. Discuss where you are going as a couple so that you are both going in the same direction. Keep the love flowing and be sure that you are emotionally connected.  Be committed to working together.  God is for your marriage and He wants you to be ONE!  

Until next week . . .

Carolyn