Marriage from A to Z

“All the Single Ladies”

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all of the mothers.  On Mother’s Day Sunday my pastor, (Pastor John K. Jenkins) preached a wonderful message and dedicated it to all of the single mothers. This week I want to follow his lead and dedicate this blog to “All the Single Ladies.”  I recently finished teaching a class for single ladies (Marriage from A to Z for Singles), and I don’t think I met anyone who said, “I don’t want to be married.”  With that being said,  I’ve got some questions that I want you to answer and think about.

The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) Even though the second part of that verse is wonderful, let’s just focus on the first part.  Here are the questions:  1)  Where will he find you?  2)  When will he find you?  3) What will he find and  will you be a good thing?

1) Where will he find you?  Will he find you at work, at home, at church, in the club, in the store, in a good place or in a bad place?  Only God knows!  Think about where you spend most of your time and the type of man that you would like to attract.  If the two don’t match, make some changes.  There are a lot of places that you can go from week to week but make God’s house a weekly priority.

2) When will he find you?  I know some of you are tired of waiting but be encouraged!  Marriage is a good thing and a wonderful institution.  You don’t want to enter into marriage lightly nor do you want to rush into marriage with the wrong person.  He will find you when God shows him where you are and who you are.  Be patient and use this time to build a strong relationship with God.  A strong relationship with God will help you to make a good choice and will help you to be a good/godly wife.  Trust God’s timing for you!

3)  What will he find and will you be a good thing?  Many ladies are talking about the desire to get married but they really don’t want to be a wife.  Proverbs 5:18 says, may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  God intended for marriage to be good, fun, pleasurable and for a man/woman to be able to rejoice in their selection.  A wife is defined as a married woman.  However, you don’t want to just be a married woman, be a married godly woman.  Find out what it means to be a godly woman/wife and study the qualities.   Check out my book, Embracing Excellence where the type of wife that we all should strive to be is defined. Being a “good thing” isn’t something that you automatically know how to do, it starts with having a genuine relationship with God.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Men Really Are Attracted by Sight”

I am sure that you have heard the popular statement, “Men are attracted by sight!”  Any type of advertisement that wants to appeal to men often has a woman attached.  Usually the woman is half dressed or exposing one of the three B’s (her butt, her breast or her belly).  Well believe it or not, the truth of this matter all started in the Word of God!  Check it out . .

Judges 14:1 (NLT) One day when Samson was in Timnah, one of the Philistine women caught his eye.”  When he returned home, he told his father and mother, “A young Philistine woman in Timnah caught my eye, I want to marry her.  Get her for me.” Samson took one sight of the Philistine woman and decided that he wanted to marry her.  He didn’t care that his parents weren’t in agreement and that it was against God’s law for the Isrealites to marry Philistines.  All he knew is that he saw her and he had to have her.

2 Samuel 11:2  Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house.  And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold.  So David sent and inquired about the woman. . . David saw someone else’s wife bathing and he had to have her.  He didn’t care about the fact that she was married.  He saw her and did everything within his power to get her including killing her husband.  The Bible says that the thing that David had done displeased the Lord (verse 27).

These are just two of the many examples in the Word where we can clearly see that men are attracted by sight.  What can we learn from this?  There is so much, but here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Wives, maintain beauty from the inside out. Keep yourself looking good!  (So often women make sure that they look good before marriage but after marriage  and children, they let it all go)
2. Wives, know what catches your husband’s eye.
3. Wives, aim to please the husband that God gave you.
4. Single/Godly ladies, don’t put it all out on display.  Look good but be modest! (I was always told, “If you are not for sale, put the Sale sign down.”)
5. Husbands, keep your eyes on the wife that God has given you. (Treasure her, compliment her and although you can’t hep but see other women, focus your eyes on your own wife)
6. Single/Godly men, beware of a woman who exposes her 3 b’s.
7. Be careful about about what you wear and what you attract.  Is it godly?

Summer is almost here and the hotter it gets, the more people expose and the more we see.  Let’s pray that we can all keep our eyes focused in the right direction.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Should You Text or Talk?

          A few weeks ago, I went away to a Women’s Retreat and had a wonderful time!  While I was away, my husband and I communicated each day.  We would talk in the morning and text throughout the rest of the day.  On one of the days, he texted me a question about a matter that he was experiencing.  I did not know the answer, but  I responded by asking him a question to get clarity.  We sent a couple of text back and forth and then I realized by the tone of the text that he was upset and offended.  I read back over my words but could not understand the problem.  At this point, I responded and said, “let’s not send another text, as soon as I am able to talk, I will call you.”  Can any body identify with this situation?  Some times your text is not communicating what you think it is and sometimes your words are misunderstood.  When you detect that there is a problem with a text, should you keep texting  or start talking?

     Yes we live in a world where texting is popular and many are texting rather than talking.  However, there comes a time when you need to talk.  Communication is so important, it’s the lifeline of a relationship.  There are some things that are best communicated by talking over the phone and sometimes in person.  When you can hear a person’s voice and see their facial expressions, it will help you to fully understand the words that are being communicated.  However, when the words are in a text, one can easily be misunderstood or mis-interpreted.  In my case, my husband got upset and offended over something that “he thought I said” but in actuality, I did not. It wasn’t until I got home that we were able to talk in person and bring clarity to the conversation.

The enemy’s job is to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) by any means necessary.  If he can get into your conversation and create division or cause confusion, he will.  Depending upon where you are and what you are doing, you may not be able to talk.  Therefore, texting is convenient.  Being able to send a text can be a blessing, however, be cautious about what you put into a text and the tone.  When you see or discern that a text is getting any type of negative response, stop and when time permits, take time to talk. The relationship with your spouse, children, friend or family member is valuable.  Don’t use texting as your primary/only means of communication, especially if you are dating and trying to get to know a person.

God created us to be relational.  I want to encourage you, as I encourage myself to take more time to talk.  I realize that some people are challenging to talk to and some times your really don’t have time to talk.  However, communication is important for marriages and other relationships to remain healthy.  Be mindful of how much you are texting verses talking.

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

“When A Wife Makes More Money”

     Although studies say that in 2015 female workers made 21 percent less than men who had the same occupations, there are marriages where the wife makes more money than her husband.      When this happens,  “it could” cause problems in a marriage.  How do I know?  This is an issue that has come up in many of our discussions with newlywed couples over the past 13 years.  Often times it is not addressed because few husbands will admit that it really bothers them. This may not be the case in every marriage where the wife makes more money but in some cases it is an issue.

     It doesn’t have to be an issue that creates problems, but “it could.”  A problem is created when a wife continues to bring up the fact that she makes more money. It could be in her conversation, actions and sometimes it’s done unconsciously. For example, when she goes out and  consistently spends without ever discussing the expense with her husband because she feels like, she makes more so she can spend more or when she does what she wants without considering her husband. In some cases husbands have expressed that their  wife acts as if she is the boss because she makes more money.    Some husbands feel like their wives have less respect because of their lower paycheck.

     It can also be a problem if the wife never brings it up, but the husband has a problem within his inner self.  It is something about the wife making more money that messes with a man’s self-esteem and self-worth.   I think it’s because a good man has a desire to provide for his family. He wants to feel that he is needed and not that he is simply helping his wife to provide.

     If this is an issue in your marriage or someone that you know, pray about it. If you are single and dating, please discuss this before getting married.  If you are married, take a minute to evaluate your thoughts and actions.  Have a heart to heart talk with your spouse, and be honest about your feelings. Ask God to make you sensitive to each other and to show you how to move forward without this being a problem.  Often times it is just a matter of both spouses changing their perspective.  Husbands who don’t seem to have a problem with their wives making more say that they see the money as “our” money and not just “her” money.  They also see the money as a blessing to their household when the money is equally shared.    They are self-confident and don’t allow this issue take away from their manliness.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

Do you want favor?

     Do you want favor in your marriage, favor on your children, favor on your job or favor in anything that you are doing?  When a person has favor, they have approval, acceptance, special benefits and blessings. It can also be defined as demonstrated delight.  I think we all could use some favor in our lives, favor with God and men.  This week’s blog is all about the F.O.G.  (Favor of God)

     There are so many verses in the Bible that mention the favor of God, here are a few.  Check these out.

1. Genesis 6:8 – But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.
2. Genesis 39:21 – But the Lord was with Joseph and extended kindness to him, and gave him favor in the sight of the chief jailer.
3. Luke 1:30 – “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.”
4. I Samuel 2:26 – Now the boy Samuel was growing in stature and in favor with both the Lord and with men.
5. Proverbs 8:35 – For he who finds me finds life And obtains favor from the Lord.
6. Proverbs 12:2 – A good man will obtain favor from the Lord . . .
7. Proverbs 18:22 – He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.

God is still in the business of giving us His favor. Just like Noah, Joseph, Samuel and Mary, you can have the favor of God.  Having the favor of God makes life better.  Here are some of the benefits of having the favor of God:  It produces supernatural increase, promotion, restoration,  recognition, honor, petitions to be granted, battles to be won and so much more.  Lord gives us your favor!

How do you get it?  Ask God for favor, pray for it, walk in obedience and wait patiently. Favor doesn’t always come quickly, it takes time.  God loves to show favor to those who love Him, delight in Him, connect with Him on a regular basis and to those who honor Him.  Someone once said,  “The favor that human beings receive from God depends on His good pleasure and is often extended in response to prayer or righteous living.” Let’s pray for F.O.G!

Until next week.  .  .

Carolyn

Do You Keep Your Appointments?

I think most of us grew up learning that when you make an appointment, you keep it! From childhood to adulthood you become accustomed to having appointments.  You look at your schedule to determine when you would like to make an appointment then you place a call or request an appointment online.    There are Doctor’s appointments, Dentist appointments,  Hair and Nail appointments for ladies, Barber appointments for guys and many others.  Whenever you make an appointment, your job is to be there and be there on time.  Normally, you do not cancel these appointments because you value the person’s time and you need the service that they are providing.  In some cases, you will be charged if you do not show up. This week, I want to encourage you to make regular appointments with God and show up!

An appointment is a fixed mutual agreement for a meeting.  Did you know that God wants a daily appointment with you?  Will you make time?  Will you show up or cancel? Perhaps you already have regular appointments with God and you are faithful at showing up.  If this is the case, keep up the good work!  I want to remind us that  I am talking about meeting with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, The Almighty God who knows everything.  He has things that He wants to reveal to you and show you.  He wants to guide your life and every decision.  Will you let Him?  He says call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and mighty things, things which you do not know ( Jeremiah 33:3 ).  Imagine what we are missing out on when we miss our appointment with God.

I encourage you to pick a daily time.  Find a good spot and  show up for your appointment with God everyday. Pray, get your Bible and have something to write with.    I don’t know about you, but I can count on one hand the times that I have had to cancel any appointment in my life time, maybe you can too.  Just like you wouldn’t be caught canceling your other appointments.  Don’t cancel with God. He is looking forward to spending time with you. Oh yeah, and you don’t have to limit yourself to just one appointment  a day, you can meet with Him as much as you like.  All you have to do is show up and keep your appointment with God everyday! Train your kids to make appointments with God at an early age so that they can develop the habit early.   Appointments with God are life changing!

Until next week. . .

Carolyn

How Do You Balance It ALL?

     Over the past two weeks, I have been asked this question at least 3 times.  Inquiring minds want to know.    I am sure many of us can answer this question because there are so many things in our lives that we are trying to balance.  We have God, marriage, family, work, friends, kid’s activities, church/ministry activity, school, recreation and the list goes on an on.  Since I have been asked this question back to back over the last two weeks, I thought I would write about my response.

     Whenever I think of balancing things,  I visualize the balance scale.  In my mind, I  use to think that balance was giving everything an equal amount of time and attention.  I later learned that this is not possible.  Trying to obtain balance in this way, is enough to drive you crazy. So the question remains, “How do I balance it all?”

     So glad that you asked, there is one verse that helps me to balance it all.  Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  This verse tells us the key to balancing it ALL.  The word that stands out to me is FIRST.  To put this verse into practice requires spending time with God before doing anything else.  When you first get up, make God your #1 Priority.  You can do it before you even get out of bed. It only takes a few minutes.

     Start your day with prayer and reading something from God’s word.  When you pray, ask God to order your steps, burden your heart with what He wants you to accomplish for the day.   Have a pen and paper or your schedule handy because God will speak.  This is a way to acknowledge God.  He said in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path (Proverbs 3:6).  When you acknowledge God first, He will tell you how to spend your time and what decisions to make. He will make you aware of the needs of your spouse, family, etc.   He will put things on your heart that need your attention.  He will give you insight on how to accomplish more than you could ever accomplish on your own. He will make you aware of who you need to reach out to or who you need to spend time with. When God speaks, we need to obey and not delay.  He is very intentional, so we must be intentional about doing what He tells us to when He tells us to do it.

     If you have been trying to do a better job of balancing or accomplishing more, I challenge you to check your time with God.  Is it your first priority?  If not, establish some order in your life and make time with God  the first thing that you do everyday.  I promise you, your life, marriage, relationships, productivity  and whatever you are trying to balance will improve.    Seeking God first is the key to balance.  He will let you know what needs to be done and when it needs to be done, but you must come to Him FIRST!

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

Are You Still Angry?

     Has someone done something to you that made you so mad, you haven’t been able to get over it?  Maybe it was your spouse, a family member, a co-worker, someone at church, an accountability partner or a friend who said or did something that really made you mad. Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure and a strong emotion that we express when someone or something has hurt or wronged us.

At some point in our lives we will experience anger.  The Bible lets us know that it is okay to be angry.  The problem comes when we stay angry and then have actions and behavior that is sinful.  You know how it goes, you get mad and don’t talk for days and some times weeks.  Some people are still angry over something that happened years ago.   Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Life Application Bible)

Imagine if we would all put this verse into practice.  What would it look like?  We would get angry, but by the end of the day, we would no longer be angry.  Within 24 hours and before we go to bed, we are instructed to let the anger go. Only God can help us to put this verse into practice.  When we don’t let it go, we are allowing the devil into the situation.  Some things are hard to get over, but God.  When God is in the midst, He can help us to do things that we could not do on our own.  We are to be imitators of God and Psalm 30:5 says that God’s anger is only for a moment.  If God’s anger only last a moment who are we to have anger that last for a long time?

I don’t know who this week’s blog is for, but if you are angry, I want to encourage you to let it go.  I know it’s easier said then done.  However, God is not pleased with long lasting anger.  He wants to heal your hurt and  free you from the anger.  Allow God’s Holy Spirit to replace your angry spirit.  Release it! Staying angry ends up hurting you more than the person who offended you.  God will take care of the offender.  Choose to forgive and let the anger go!

Until next week,

Carolyn

Do You Wear Your Wedding Ring?

If you are married you should show some signs.  If you are single you should respect the signs.  A wedding ring is one of the oldest signs that is used to indicate that the  wearer is married.  When someone wants to know if a man or woman is taken, they automatically look for a ring.  The wedding ring is a sign that everyone should read but unfortunately, we live in a world where the sign is often ignored.  On the other hand, there are some who wear the sign but confuse others because their behavior does not indicate marriage.  This week’s blog is just a reminder that the wedding ring is significant.

1. Traditionally it is worn on the left hand ring finger because there was thought to be a vein in the finger called the “Vena Amoris” also called the “Vein of Love.”  The Vein of Love was said to be directly connected to the heart. (Think about this each time that you look at your ring)
2.  The shape of a ring is a circle and was meant to represent a symbol of eternity.  Notice there is no beginning and no end.  (Our love should be for eternity and have no end, “til death us do part”).
3.  It’s a visual sign that speaks for you.  It says, “I am in a covenant relationship” without you having to say a word.  It can serve as protection.  (Be sure that your behavior/conduct also says that you are in a covenant relationship)
4. The circle of space inside of the ring symbolizes the unknown. (This is very interesting because when you first get married,  you truly have no idea of what you are really getting yourself into.  There are so many unknowns.)
5. Back in the day, men who went to war would wear rings as a reminder that they have a wife back home.  (Your wedding ring should always be a reminder of your spouse)
6. Most wedding rings are made out of precious but durable metals like gold, silver or platinum. (Your marriage is precious and it should be durable so that it can weather the storms of life)
7. It’s the one thing from your wedding day that you wear every day.  (It is a constant reminder of the vows and commitment of marriage)

With all of that being said, I hope that all of the married people will wear their rings. Truly it is a blessing to be married and to have someone to be committed to.  Wear your sign and let everyone know that you have entered God’s wonderful institution of marriage.

Until next week,

Carolyn

What do you do when God says, “Wait?”

Are you in God’s waiting room?  If you have ever prayed and asked God for something and He answered yes, but not right now, you’re in the waiting room. Some of our prayers don’t get answered right away, it takes time.  For example;  I am waiting for a school and a scholarship to come through for one of my children, you might be waiting on a new job, your mate or something different to happen.  Many of us were taught that there are three answers to prayer, yes, no and wait.  The wait doesn’t feel good because there are so many uncertainties, but we can be hopeful because it’s not a no.  This week, I want to encourage all of those who are in a season of waiting.

Let’s think about a waiting room for minute.  When you go to the doctor’s office you have to wait before you can see the doctor.  Sometimes you are in the room by yourself and sometimes there are others waiting with you. Unlike in a spiritual waiting room, you can’t see the others waiting with you, and  you may feel all alone.  Some people read while they wait, some look at television while they wait and some go to sleep and wake up when the wait is over.  What do you do while you wait on God? Do you get tired, doubtful,  angry, frustrated and give up or do you wait patiently with anticipation?

I can honestly say, that I have felt each one of these emotions while waiting.  So much so, I have to encourage myself. God is in the waiting room with you even though it doesn’t feel like it.   I am reminded of Psalm 27:14 that says, “Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen  your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”  This scripture tells us to wait and be of good courage.  Courage is defined as the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc. without fear.  Simply put, its being brave.  God wants us to have good courage, and He promises to strengthen or make us stronger in the process. Notice that we are told to wait at the beginning of the verse and then it is repeated at the end “Wait.” It also reminds us that we are waiting on the Lord.  He is in control.

What do you do while you are waiting?  Look for God’s hand in everything, pay attention to the details.  He is working in our everyday life, but we can get so focused on the one thing that we are waiting for until, we miss the blessings along the way.  Be obedient to the promptings that God gives you while you are waiting.  Stay committed to prayer and reading your Word everyday so that you can keep the right mind set while waiting.  Be encouraged my brother and sister, God has not forgotten about you.  He heard you the very first time that you asked.  Delayed hope makes one sick at heart, but a fulfilled longing is a tree of life.  (Proverbs 13:12)

Until next week,

Carolyn