Marriage from A to Z

Lord, Suprise Us!

  
Have you ever prayed and asked God to suprise you? I was inspired to pray this prayer after reading The book titled; “Draw the Circle, The 40 day Prayer Challenge” by Mark Batterson.

The month of August is very special to my husband and I because it’s the month that we got married. Our anniversary was Saturday, August 8th. Although we planned to be in Florida with our kids for the week, we didn’t have anything specifically planned for the day of our anniversary. I was thankful to be away and just enjoying time with the family. However, I decided to pray, “Lord would you suprise us for our anniversary? Whatever You decide would be fine.”😊

On Saturday, August the 8th the Lord answered this prayer! Let me tell you how God surprised us. He put a desire in another couple’s heart to bless us on our anniversary while we were in Florida. First, they picked up our kids and took them out to dinner so that we could have the evening to ourselves. Second, they made dinner reservations for us at one of the most beautiful resorts that we had ever visited. When we drove up, the people treated us like royalty (we are God’s royal children). 

Third, they made dinner reservations for the two of us at a restaurant on the roof top of the resort. What really made it special is that God let us know that He was intentional about every detail. The restaurant just happened to be on the 17th floor, and we were celebrating our 17th anniversary (only God). The view from the top was absolutely gorgeous. We were blessed with a delicious meal and two different desserts. The picture above is of one of the desserts that was made especially for us and signed with, “Happy 17th Anniversary” in chocolate.  Many of the workers greeted us with a smile and happy anniversary wishes like they knew us. After the meal, we walked outside on the roof top and saw fire works from Disney World.  What a way to celebrate an anniversary! We were blessed with a very special night that was all a gift. We are so thankful to God and the couple who allowed God to use them to be a blessing to us. The Lord really suprised us beyond and beyond!

I shared this testimony to encourage you to pray a different prayer and watch God do something different. You never know how God will bless or who He will use to get a blessing to you.  John 3:8 tells us that the wind blows wherever it pleases which lets us know that God works in ways that we cannot predict or understand. He has the power to bless and suprise us beyond our wildest dreams. Trust and believe Him!

Until next week,

Carolyn

“Marriage from A to Z for Singles?”

Yes! You heard it right! Where can you go to learn how to be a good husband or a good wife before you actually become one?  Imagine how much better your marriage can be if you prepare before you say “I do!” Maybe marriage is not your goal right now, you just want to become a better you.  On Saturday, September 26th I invite you to attend a one day event where I will release my next book titled; “Marriage from A to Z for Singles. ” This event is especially for singles,  it will be a time to come and focus on you, your relationship with God and your relationship with others.  For all of those who are married, we will host a separate event on October 24th.  Please see the flyer below for details.

Click here to register

Why Every Marriage Needs A Vacation?

     This week I am writing from a wonderful resort in Florida. My husband and I have come with our children to celebrate our upcoming wedding anniversary, have some quality time and most importantly to have a vacation. We have found that a vacation is vital to being healthy and having healthy relationships.
As we lie in bed and reflect on the ways that taking a vacation has helped our marriage, we want to share them with you. Some of you are already on board with vacationing, but there are some who are not for various reasons. They are afraid to leave their jobs or stop their own business for any length of time (especially entrepreneurs). You must trust God, and believe that He will take care of everything while you are away. For some, it may be the money, but I am a witness that God can provide time away with little to pay.   The benefits are so great that you can’t afford not to vacation.
10 Reasons Why Every Marriage Needs A Vacation:

(Although I am specifically talking about marriage, many of these reasons apply to singles)
1. Rest – Relief and freedom from everything that wearies, troubles or disturbs you. Having inactivity, sleep, solitude with a mental and spiritual calmness.  Being able to rest is good for the body and the mind.  We can become so irritated with each other when we haven’t had enough rest.
2. Relax – Relief from bodily or mental work, effort or application. Allowing your body to move at a slower pace is relaxing.
3. Reconnect – To establish communication between, to join, link or fasten together.  Having undisturbed time together allows us to talk face to face with no rush.  Reconnecting brings us closer to  each other and with our children.
4. Refocus – To direct one’s attention or efforts, to focus. Some times life, work and raising a family can take the focus off of the marriage, and we need to refocus on each other and do what God is calling us to do.
5. Rejuvenate – To make young again, restore to youthful vigor and appearance. To make fresh or new again. When we leave from a real vacation, we are rejuvenated and ready for whatever God has next.
6. Renew – To make effective for an additional period. To revive! A vacation helps us to renew our commitment to God, each other and our children.
7. Relationships – A connection, association or involvement. A vacation helps us to strengthen our family relationships.  When mom and dad are getting along well, it makes life pleasant for the children.  By the way, some vacations are with our children and some are just for the two of us.
8. Rekindle – To excite, stir up or rouse anew.  To cause to burn again. A vacation helps us to rekindle our relationships with each other and with God.  Some of our best ideas come while we are on vacation.
9. Reflect – To think, ponder or meditate. A vacation gives us time to reflect on what God has done and to dream about what we are believing Him to do.
(After doing 1-9 you are now ready for romance) Many aren’t romantic because they are too tired to do anything.
10. Romance – To court or woo (to seek the favor, affection and love of your spouse) romantically.
Adding some romance to your vacation is one of the best parts.  (smile)

     In Exodus 20:8-11 God commands us to take the seventh day of each week to rest. It’s called the Sabbath day! Many of us including me don’t always keep this commandment.   Having or not having a Sabbath day affects how we function the rest of the week.  Imagine giving your body and mind a vacation every seven days.

Until next week . . .

“Are You Willing to Invest?”

“Are You Sure You Want to Be A Wife?”

Many want to be a wife, but not many want to be a “Helper.”  Although both a husband and a wife are helpmates to each other, it is interesting that the Bible specifically calls the wife a helper.  Wives are to be companions and good helpers.  This week’s post  is a question for those who want to get married and a reminder for those who are already married.

Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” So God is our “Ultimate Helper” and a wife is to be a helper to her husband. Notice the word suitable, this implies that not every woman is good for every man.  Suitable means that she is a perfect fit or match for the man that she chooses to marry. Let’s look at what it means to be a helper.

A helper (A Wife):
– Gives and provides what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need
– Contributes strength or means to get strength
– Renders assistance to
– Cooperates effectively with
– Provides aid or assistance
– Saves or rescues
– Makes easier or less difficult
– Is useful or profitable to
– Relieves

The previous description of a helper may sound like a lot (it is, lol!) but don’t worry, God is our “Ultimate Helper”  and He will help us on the journey of being a wife. This is why it is so important to include God in your marriage.  Whenever you feel helpless, that’s the perfect time to pray.  Prayer can go where you can’t go, and do what you can’t do!  Knowing God and how to call on Him is one of the first things that a good helper should know to do.  Maintaining a close relationship with God is the best solution for becoming and being a good helper/wife.

For those who are already a wife, just think, there are some things that your husband may never accomplish unless you provide the help that he needs. For all of the single ladies who want to be married, ask yourself, “Am I ready to be a good helper?”  If not, get prepared!  I pray that God will help us all to be the best helpers that we can be!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Won’t He do it!’

      It was the 4th of July and my family and I decided to drive down to the country for the day.  We were so excited about going to visit my husband’s family and being in his hometown, Heathsville, Virginia (2 1/2 hours away).  My husband decided that he would drive and that we would take his truck.  This is a trip that we will never forget!

     Driving to the country is very relaxing.  Once you get there, there is no traffic.  You see lots of land, trees, corn fields, houses and very few stores or businesses.  We drove up and down several country roads and made it safely to visit my husband’s family.  We visited his mother, grandmother, sister and we were on our way to visit another sister when all of a sudden, we heard this noise.  It was a noise that I don’t want to hear anymore this year.  It was a flat tire!  This is the third flat tire that the two of us have had over the past month.  I think that it has something to do with the construction near our house.

     So here we are, on the 4th of July in the country with a flat tire and no spare. It’s me, my husband, my daughter and my son stuck in the truck! (lol)  We had been up and down the country roads, but the tire just happened to go out right by a tire shop.  Yes!  A tire shop!  We were so excited however, it’s a holiday and the shop is closed. Let me tell you what God did!

     We sat in front of the closed tire shop and prayed that God would make a way.  Shortly after being in front of the shop, a man drives over and says, “I have a friend who works at this shop let me call him and see if he will come to open the shop for you.”  He called his friend several times, but there was no answer.  He waited there with us for a few minutes with hopes of reaching his friend.  His friend never answered.  Another man in a truck drives by the tire shop and decides to park on the side.  The first guy who stopped to help us looks over and says, “that’s the owner of the building, let’s see if he can help.”  The owner of the building calls the man who runs the tire shop.  About twenty minutes later, the man who runs the tire shop came to the rescue along with his wife.  His wife said that he was at home in the bed resting when they got the call that a family was stranded in front of their tire shop.  He came, opened the shop, changed the tire, and we were so amazed at what God did.  Out of all of the places that our tire could have been flat, it was flat in front of a tire shop.   God brought everything that we needed to us.  We didn’t have to do anything, but wait on the Lord!

     God wants us to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).  No matter what you are going through, be encouraged and know that God will do it!  The last two times that I had a flat, God used my husband to come to the rescue.  This time, He made it so that my husband couldn’t fix the problem only God could do it. He will use whoever He has to, in order to get a blessing to you.  Keep praying, keep believing and know that GOD WILL DO IT!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Do You Have Sexual Standards?”

One of the most powerful temptations of today is to engage in sexual intercourse outside of the marriage relationship. It was powerful back in the day and unfortunately, it is not any better today.   Every where you turn from television, movies, the internet and advertisements there are visuals and opportunities that make the temptation even greater.    My pastor often says, “I spend so much of my time trying to get the single people out of the bed and get the married people back in the bed.”  This week, I have been meditating on I Thessalonians 4:1-8  in the Life Application Bible and wanted to share it with you. The commentary on this passage said, “Sexual standards were very low in the Roman empire and in many societies today, they are not any higher.”  This statement brought me to my question for the week, “Do you have sexual standards?”

First of all, what is a standard?  A standard is a rule or principle that is used for judgement.  So what rules or principles do you have when it comes down to sex?  The Bible gives us a standard let’s read the standard:

“Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living.  Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.  For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.  It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.  The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you.  For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”

Not setting godly standards and living by them means giving in to the temptations of this world.  The temptations such as; living together before marriage, sleeping around with someone who you are not married to, or being married but having sex with someone other than your spouse.  Giving in to the temptation has disastrous results.  Each time that someone gives in to this powerful temptation, there is HURT.   Sexual sins ALWAYS hurt individuals, families, businesses, churches and most importantly, God.  There are physical consequences and there are spiritual consequences.  The only way that we can avoid the hurt is to place our sexual desires under God’s control.  God created sex for procreation and pleasure. It was meant to be an expression of love between a husband and a wife.  When sex is limited to the marriage relationship, we can avoid hurting ourselves, our relationship with God and our relationship with others.  My prayer this week is that we would all have sexual standards that line up with God’s standards.

Until next week  . . .

Carolyn

Do you believe people when they show you who they are?

Have you ever dated someone who’s actions showed that they are not consistent, has anger issues, not good with money, don’t really love you, habitually tells lies, are not faithful to you nor to God, not responsible and doesn’t do relationships well? These are all red flags and should not be ignored.  Dating this person is one thing, but when you decide to marry, it’s another thing.  The problem occurs when you see the red flags but still decide to marry this person and then expect them to be different.   The message for this week is based on Dr. Maya Angelou’s famous statement, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

This statement is not just for male/female relationships, it also applies to relationships with family, friends and co-workers. When a person has behaviors that tell you who they really are or they simply admit to being a certain type of person, we must believe them.  Many times we don’t believe them, and we waste our time trying to get them to change or to be someone who they are not.    There is something on the inside that makes you think that you can change them and this is why people go ahead and get married.  You can’t change a person, only God can change a person’s heart, mind and actions.

Let’s be wise and believe people the first time that they show us who they are.  We should not have to wait until they have told us 29 times.  Take heed to the actions and behaviors that are revealed, don’t ignore them.  I think we genuinely want to believe that the person really isn’t as bad as they say they are.  However, not accepting the truth only leads to hurt, pain and being disappointed.

If you have been hurt and disappointed because you didn’t believe someone when they revealed their true selves, I pray that God will heal your heart and restore you.  We must walk in truth and not be blinded.  We must see people for who they really are and act accordingly.  Yes!  God can change them, but you have a choice.  You can choose to deal with the red flags by getting married or you can pray for the person and leave them alone.  Allow God to lead you in making your decision.

Having a close relationship with God while you are in relationship with others is the key to making wise choices.  God will speak to you and reveal what is hidden if we would only listen to Him.  He has a way of showing us the red flags, but we must pay attention.  Once God reveals the truth, we must act accordingly.

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“Marriage Will Not Solve All of Your Problems”

“I can’t wait until I get married!”  Some people make this statement with the hopes of marriage being the answer to every problem that they have. As wonderful as marriage is, it will not automatically solve every problem. Many people naively think that it if they were only married, everything would be all right.  Well, I am here to tell you that this is a marriage myth, and if you don’t believe me, ask anyone who is married.

Here are some problems that marriage will not solve:

1. Loneliness
2. Sexual temptation
3. Satisfaction of one’s deepest emotional needs
4. Elimination of life’s difficulties

There are plenty of people who are married and still have each one of these problems.  I Corinthians 7:28b says, “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life. . .” Marriage alone does not hold two people together.  What holds two people together is commitment especially when a couple allows God to be the glue.  When a husband and a wife are  committed to each other and to Christ, they can successfully make it through any conflict or problem.  For with God, ALL things are possible!

When a person thinks that marriage is the answer to all of their problems,  it is very difficult for them to be happy as a single. They spend every day wishing and hoping for marriage and become consumed with the idea of being married.  They get irritated when they hear that someone is engaged or getting married.  It’s difficult for them to be genuinely happy for someone who is happily married or anyone who is getting married before them.   When the idea of simply being married becomes a goal, desperation kicks in and people are more likely to make a poor choice.  This is why there are so many married people who want to be single again.

Whether married or single, we must be content with our situation and focus on God. True joy and happiness can only be found in having a real relationship with God.  He is the answer for every problem and situation that we have.  God is the only One who can fill every void, meet every need, heal our hurts and keep us in the midst of whatever we are going through. God never intended for us to look for hope in a human being. If you do, you will be very disappointed. The Bible tells us to look to the hills from which comes our help, because our help comes from the Lord. (Psalm 121:1) He can solve every problem!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn

“What Is A Soul Tie?”

     A few weeks ago a young lady who has been married for about 8 years asked me, “What do you do when you are married but still  tied to someone you had sex with 8 years ago?”  In other words, you are married but still feeling the soul ties with someone you had sex with before you got married.  Her question has been ringing in my ears for the past few weeks and it has driven me to do a study and now a blog on soul ties.  Is there anyone out there who can relate? As she was asking the question, I was praying asking God to give me the response. Before I get into my response, let’s define a soul tie.

      A soul tie is defined as an intimate bond with another human being.  It is the knitting together of two souls that can either bring a tremendous blessing in a Godly relationship or tremendous destruction when it is made with the wrong person. How does the Bible define it?  The term “soul tie” is not actually used however, there are other words that are used in the Bible to refer to a soul tie.  The Bible uses words like, knit together and cleave to refer to a soul tie.  Both of the words refer to being close together and attached to someone.     They are normally formed through close relationships, vows, commitments promises and through physical intimacy.

      Let’s just focus on the relationship between a husband and a wife.  When a husband and a wife are knitted close together, it is a blessing. Genesis 2:24 says, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.  God wants a husband and a wife to be close, this is one of the reasons why regular physical intimacy is necessary. However, if something has happened to a husband or a wife physically or there is an illness, there are other ways to create intimacy and to bond with your spouse.

     Since sex was meant to bond two people together, God never intended for two people who are not married to have sex.  When this happens an ungodly soul tie can be established.   So if you are having sex with person after person, you have created a bond with each one.  Soul ties can be very strong and can have a negative impact on your life.  For example:  emotional problems, depression, tormented thoughts about a person, excessive wondering about them and rehearsing times with them in your mind.   There are people who are still dealing with the soul ties of someone who they slept with 20 years ago.

     There is so much to say about this topic, but I will wrap this up by sharing my response to the opening question.  What do you do to break the ties of someone who is not your spouse?  First you have to pray and  ask God to forgive you for whatever happened to bond you with someone other than your spouse.  Secondly, ask God to cleanse you and free you from the bondage.  Pray that God will clean your mind, heart and detach you from any ungodly relationship. Get rid of anything that you may still have that connects you with that person (old gifts, pictures, etc.)  Forgive yourself and continue to feed your mind with the Word of God.  God is the only One who has the power to cleanse us and change us.  He is a heart fixer and a mind regulator. (Romans 12:1-21)  Any change that we really want to see has to start with a mind transformation.

     In conclusion, I want to encourage every husband and wife to get as close as you can to your spouse. Tomorrow is not promised.  Therefore, do what you need to do to make time for each other, communicate and physically come together as often as you can.  Don’t hold grudges and ask God to help you to forgive when necessary.  May God bless you to have a wonderful soul tie with your spouse!

Until next week . . .

Carolyn