Marriage from A to Z

Don’t Quit!

     “A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.”  On Sunday morning at the alter, I met a lady who was attending our church for the first time.    Her husband had been coming to our church for 10 years without her. They have been married for 31 years and she never went to church with her husband.  God had been working on her heart so much that she couldn’t stay at home any longer. On Sunday, August 11th this lady accepted Christ as her Lord and savior!  Amazing!

     Imagine what this husband must have dealt with over the 10 year period of going to church without his wife.  I was so amazed that, I had to commend the husband on his perseverance and persistence.  He said, ” I had to lead by example and show her the way.”  

     The message for this week is “Don’t Quit.”  Whatever you are believing God for, don’t quit.  No matter what it may look like, don’t quit. There may be a change that you want to see in your marriage/spouse or loved one and you want the change to happen right now, but hang in there.  God is still in the changing business.  He is a heart fixer, mind regulator and soul saver.  Don’t quit! Keep trusting and believing God.  After all, who are you to give up?  God hasn’t given up on you.  

What To Do While You Are Waiting?

1. Keep practicing your spiritual disciplines (prayer, reading the word and going to church consistently).
2. Surround your self with people who can encourage you on your journey.
3. Watch your conduct!  (watch what you say, and how you treat your loved one)
4. Show love, show love and show love!  That’s what God does.    

Until next week . .  .

Carolyn

What Baggage Do You Bring?

You have baggage, I have baggage, all of God’s children have baggage.  We all bring some type of baggage into a relationship/marriage based on the way were raised, practices, patterns, behaviors and things that we observed as a child.  As the saying goes, much of what we learned as a child was caught instead of taught.

I believe that there are two types of baggage good and bad.  The good baggage represents practices, patterns, habits and good behaviors that we learned or caught as a kid, these are things that line up with the Word of God.  The opposite is bad baggage which are practices, patterns, habits and behaviors that are contrary to the Word of God.  These are bags that we have to stop carrying.  They are too heavy, they damage our relationships and God wants to replace them.

Here are some examples of each:

Good Baggage and Bad Baggage

1. Good Communication vs Bad Communication
2. Shows Affection vs No Affection or Very Little
3. Lasting Relationships vs Broken Relationships (No Long term Commitments)
4. Deals with Conflict vs Avoids Conflicts
5. Good Financial habits vs Poor Financial Habits
6. Speaking the truth vs Constantly telling Lies
7. Faithful vs Patterns of Unfaithfulness
8. See Children as Gifts vs Seeing Children as Burdens
9. Very Loving vs Very Abusive
10. Godly behaviors vs Ungodly behaviors

Evaluate and identify your baggage.  Do you have more good or bad?  The goal is to be intentional about carrying the good baggage and to give the bad baggage to God.  Being a follower of Christ is all about getting rid of your sinful patterns, practices, habits and behaviors of our family background and re-learning how to do life, relationships/marriage and family God’s way (ref. II Corin. 5:17).  In other words, keep the good baggage and drop the bad baggage!

Until next week,

Carolyn

Restoration!

     Have you ever lost something that needs to be found?  Or had someone to take something from you that you would like to see brought back?  Have you ever broken something that you treasured and need it repaired? If you answered yes to either of these questions today’s blog is just for you. The message for today is “RESTORATION.”  God is a God of RESTORATION!  To restore is to bring back into existence, use or the like; re-establish or bring back to a former, original condition.

 God Will Restore:

1. Your Marriage, (your spouse)
2. Your love life, intimacy  (Passion that you once had)
3. Your Relationship with the Lord
4. Trust
5. Good Health
6. Relationships with Family
7. Your Career
8. Your Finances

 How Do I know God Will Restore?

     I have seen Him do it!  This month God restored my daughter Ciara’s health. I have been sad and God has restored my joy!   My grandparents were divorced for 35 years and I have seen God bring them back together in marriage.  

     Pray, believe and trust God to restore whatever you need Him to bring back into existence.  Don’t give up!  He can take something that was dead and bring it back to life.  He did it for Jesus and He will do it for you! God will restore you, your marriage or your situation and make it better than it ever was.  There is nothing too hard for God!

Scripture References:  Psalm 51:12, Job 42:10, Galatians 6:1, Jeremiah 30:17, 32:27.

Until Next Week!

Carolyn

Couch Time

Couch Time 

      Life can keep us busy,  with different schedules, events and commitments.  If we are not careful we are coming and going from each other’s presence without taking time to stop, be still and listen to what is going on in our spouse’s world.  When was the last time you and your honey sat on the couch together?  The Couch Time Principle is about taking time out of your day to sit and talk without any distractions or taking time  to enjoy a movie, sports or something you both will enjoy.   Believe it or not, something as simple as a couch can make a difference in your relationship.  If you don’t have a couch sitting together wherever you can find a seat will work just as well.  The couch is a tool that can be used to help us connect, get close and cuddle as a couple.

      Couch Time Tips  for Communicating

1.   Sit physically close to each other, turn towards each other so you can see your spouse’s face

2.  Be sure to give each other your undivided attention

3.  Pick a time when your kids are sleep or occupied

4.  Allow at least 15 minutes to connect (discuss your day, upcoming plans, events, etc.)

Couch Time Rules for Entertainment

1.  Find a movie or a show  that you both can enjoy

2.  Sit physically close to each other

3.   Sometimes it’s not about watching something on TV, it’s just about being physically close

4.   Pop some popcorn for both to enjoy!

Until next week!

Carolyn

How’s Your Honey?

How’s Your Honey?

     “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  This means that everyday we have a choice, you can treat people nicely or you can be mean.  Honey is something that is sweet and today I want to encourage you to keep the honey in your marriage.

     Honey is often used to add sweetness to a cup of tea, a biscuit or whatever you would like to have sweeter.  In marriage I define honey as love and kindness.  God wants us to keep the honey in our marriage. Jeremiah 31:3 says God loves us with an everlasting love and that He draws us with lovingkindness.  Just as God uses lovingkindness to draw us to Him, we must use love and kindness to keep drawing our spouse toward us.  This is how we keep the honey in our marriage.  No one wants to come home to someone who is mean, spiteful, nasty and self-centered.  This makes a marriage go sour.  Love and kindness is the honey that we must be intentional about using in our daily marriage.  

     Here are just a few things that can be done to keep the honey in a marriage.  

1. Prayer (Individual and as a couple).  Keep Christ in your marriage.
2. Speak pleasant words.  The Bible says that pleasant words are like a honey comb sweetness to the soul and health to the bones (Prov. 16:24)
3. Send a sweet text 
4. Think of acts of kindness on a regular.  “What would make my spouse happy?”
5. Be willing to change your pace and try something different.
6. Wear something that you know your spouse loves.
7. Cook something that your spouse enjoys.
8. Forgive as quickly as you can.
9. Go out on a date and try something new together.
10. Give a back rub or foot rub.  

     In closing, I am asking, “How is Your Honey?” Evaluate your marriage and think of ways to make it sweeter. Remember that you get more accomplished with honey than with vinegar.  Be sweet!  

Until next week!

Carolyn 

Gifts From God

Gifts From God

Psalm 127:3 says children are Gifts from God. God gives us our gifts as a reward from Him. I am thankful that God has allowed me to give birth to two precious gifts. My daughter Ciara is 13 and my son Ahmad is 11.
Last Monday my daughter Ciara woke up in pain and having problems breathing. To make a long story short, by Wednesday, my perfectly healthy child had been admitted into Children’s Hospital. She was diagnosed with a strong case of Pneumonia, fluid on the lungs, rapid heart rate, partially collapsed lung and high fever. All of this happened at once. Overwhelming! We are still in the hospital 7 days later and counting. Ciara has had surgery and is progressing.
Today I simply want to encourage you to value and appreciate your gift/s. Children are blessings not burdens. Treasure being a parent and having gifts from God. Seeing my daughter struggle to breathe and fighting Pneumonia has been life changing for me. I think we take raising kids and being in their healthy presence for granted.
God wants us to treasure every breath they take. You only get one shot at raising your gifts. God is holding you responsible to nurture, love and raise a Godly seed.

Until next time,
Carolyn

The Power of Your Words

“Sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me!”  This statement is so far from the truth because words do hurt!  I use to say this as a child but after becoming an  adult, I have learned that your words are powerful.  How many of you can think of something that someone said to you years ago but you still remember it?  This is why I want to encourage you to evaluate what you have been saying lately.  

     What kind of words have you been saying to your husband, wife, children or your friends?  Are they words that build up, encourage, strengthen or words that hurt and tear down?  When we speak, we all use this one little body part called the tongue.  We can use it for good or bad.  Here is what the Word of God says about our tongue.

THE POWER OF YOUR TONGUE

1. The tongue is a fire, a world of evil among all of the body parts. (James 3:6)
2. The tongue is a  small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. (James 3:5)
3. We must bridle/restrain our tongue.  This means keep a tight rein on it.  (James 1:26)
4. No man can tame the tongue. (James 3:8)
5.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3:8)

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR TONGUE AND WORDS?

     One of the most interesting points is that the Bible says that no man can tame the tongue.  This means that we are all prone to say anything out of our mouths.  The only way that our tongue can be controlled is by allowing the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out.  When we accept Christ, He gives us His Holy Spirit to help us do things that we can not do on our own.  The Holy Spirit will give us increasing power to monitor and control what we say.

WHEN WE ARE OFFENDED BY WORDS

     When you have been offended by words it is so important to pray and allow the Holy Spirit to remind you of God’s love so that you do not become bitter and react in a hateful manner.  When we are hurt or criticized, the Spirit will heal the hurt.  God’s spirit purifies our hearts and gives us self control so that we will speak words that build, encourage, strengthen and most importantly please God.  

     Evaluate your words and be selective in the words that you speak! Remember that your words are powerful!

“Are You On Track?”

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Are You on Track?

     As my family and I were riding on the Amtrak train from Atlanta to D.C.  occasionally, it felt like the train almost jumped off of the track.  It was moving very fast and sometimes there were some curves.  I would dose off to sleep and feel a jerk as the train could have gone off track but God kept it on track.  Every time I felt like this, I would pray “Lord please get us to our destination safely or just say JESUS!”  I realized that although I felt the jerks and the curves, it was only the grace of God that kept the train on track. 

     Unlike this train, we may have some days where we actually get off track.  Webster defines a track as a course laid out, or a way of life, conduct or action.  I don’t know about you but I have experienced being off track and it’s an uncomfortable feeling.  Being off track means that something isn’t quite going right.  It can be in your marriage relationship, in your relationship with the Lord, in your finances, or even with your body.  

REASONS WE GET OFF TRACK

1. In Marriage – We allow someone or something that our spouse has said/done to affect us in such a way that we stop doing the good things that we would normally do.
2. In Our Relationship with Christ – We spend less time praying and reading the Word.  Attending church and worshiping is no longer a priority.  
3. In Our Finances – An unexpected bill/expense comes our way or we stop tithing or giving on a regular.
4. In Our Body – We start eating better and exercising then we go back to eating the things that we know aren’t good and doing very little exercise.

     Although we all have our moments where we may get off track, the key is not to stay there for long.  Staying on track means persevering, being obedient to God and doing the things that you KNOW are right.  

HOW TO GET BACK ON TRACK?

1. Remember that Christ is our hope and He will get us back on track. 
2. Pray, Pray and Pray!  Increase your time with the Lord.  
3. Ask God to forgive you and if necessary, the person who may have been affected by your actions.
4. Don’t dwell on your past mistakes or whatever got you off track, move forward.
5. Know that God is able to keep you on track.  

Be encouraged to stay on track! If you have experienced something that has you off track,determine to get back on track.  KEEP PERSEVERING, DON’T GIVE UP!  Do what Philippians 3:13-14 says, Forget what is behind and press toward what is ahead.  Press on toward the goal to win the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  

“A Time To Get Away”

A Time To Get Away

      One of the most therapeutic things that you can do to refresh your marriage and your family is to take some time to get away.  I once heard Rev. Johnny Parker say “A Change of Space + A Change of Place = A change in Perspective.  I have found this to be so true.

         I am writing you from a friend’s house in Atlanta, GA.  The pictures that you see are taken from her backyard.  It’s not your average backyard view, its amazing.  We can see the beauty of the Lord here.  We are so thankful for our friends who have allowed us to visit with “6 star” accommodations.  Just being at their house and sitting outside in a different place and in a different space has given my husband and I a different perspective.  This trip  has helped to bless and strengthen our marriage.

The Blessings of a Get Away

1. We have had some time to reflect on God and our relationship with Him.
2. God has given us a different perspective on things concerning our marriage.
3. Our bodies have been refreshed and renewed with rest.
4. We had more time to fill each others love tank (physically and mentally). 🙂
5. Our communication has been strengthened by having regular pillow talk.
6. Our marriage has been sharpened by spending time with our friends who have been married for 21 years.
7. We have been blessed to just move at a slower pace for the last few days
8. Now we are prepared to return with an even stronger marriage

     In the past, as soon as someone would mention getting away, I would immediately start thinking about the money, the time and excuses that it would prevent us from taking a get away.  You would be surprised to see how God can provide you with opportunities to get away with little or no expense.  Where the desire is great enough, there is no barrier.  If you have the desire, through prayer, God can provide that opportunity.  Now every year we take time to get away as a couple (time alone) and as a family (with our kids).  So whether its for one day, or one week, get away!  It may be far away or right outside of where you live, get away!  We all need time to get away from our normal surroundings, time to rest, play and be refreshed. Your marriage and your family will be blessed and better as a result of  your time away! Pray and start planning some a time to get away!

DANGEROUS SEX

DANGEROUS SEX

     This person has close encounters with you.  They work with you, you see them at the gym, they go to your church, or they are a friend of the family, but it’s not your spouse.  One day you meet, your paths cross and before you know it, you find yourself secretly, talking, emailing and meeting on a regular with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse.  “It’s fun, it’s new, it’s interesting and maybe even addictive” but BEWARE It leads to DANGER!

     Often times this relationship goes further than you ever planned to go. The enemy will trick you and have you focused on the moment.  He tells you that no one would know and you end up falling into bed with someone who is not your spouse.  Sex outside of marriage and sex outside of your spouse is extremely DANGEROUS!

 AVOID THE DANGER!  Read Proverbs 7:6-27 

• It will cost you your life! 
• It kills or damages your ability to trust.
• It destroys family life and it damages a persons ability to love.
• It endangers the health and the security of your family.
• It degrades human beings and turns them into objects.
• It can lead to disease.
• It can result in unwanted pregnancy.
• MOST importantly, It is against God’s law.   

     Encouraging all of the married people to stay away from DANGEROUS SEX!  Fear God enough to remain faithful in body and in mind.  Pray for your spouse and your marriage daily.  Honor marriage and respect your marriage vows.  If you are single, respect yourself enough not to have dangerous sex, wait until you are married.